My little brother is so cool.

i think you should all check out his blog, especially the story he posted a few days back. its funny. he has better imagination than i do for all that he cant structure a sentence to save his live. (i love you patty!!!!)


in other news recently i have:
-gone camping
-gotten really really ill while camping
-still had fun while camping
-didnt kill karen cross while camping (this im really proud of)
-went value villaging
-got everything half price at vallue village
-got cool stuff at value village
-cool stuff half price at value village, need i say more?
-bought music today
-had my first soccer game last week
-tied the first soccer game last week
-almost (okay not really) scored a goal last week
-had fun at the game last week
-i got my green belt, finnaly.
-finish school, finnaly.
-annoyed everyone reading this.

remember when i was writing about how amazing it is to make your body do something you know you couldnt do before? well its equally shitty to not be able to do something you know you were able to before.
but shitty in the way were you get really mad and are twice as determined to fix things.
its funny, there are different ways of being comfortable with your body. you can think you are attractive and say screw it to the world, or be satisfied that the one person you love thinks you're beautiful but not necessarily think yourself but be comfortable with yourself anyways. or i guess there are about a thousand others way you can feel. people are complicated especially when it comes to how they feel with yourself.
all this to say, i dont think ive been this in shape in well.. ever. while i still dont think im exactly an object of the opposite sex's affection, i am oddly really comfortable with myself. its really weird. its like i all of a sudden dont care how i look to others but not at the same time. for example. at one point or another you've all heard about the craptacular "friends" ive had in the past. anyways, i got over being insecure around my current friends. i figure they'll still love and care about me no matter how i dress (though they might chose to vocalise their doubts on my wardrobe pefrences....*cough*) and really, thats WHY their my friends, because they care about ME and not about how i look or the stupid things i might *occasionally* do. anyways, for one reason or another, whenever i saw these people from way back when, i couldnt help be feel ridiculously self conscious. its really dumb, i know. i still talk to them if i run into them and im on the same soccer team and stuff but it was always guarded, trying to make a good impression. i would piss me off because i shouldnt care what other people think, absolutly LEAST of all them. but recently... i just... STOPPED caring. my legs are hairy? meh.. dont like my pants? deal. think im talking too much, too little? not my problem... in short, they are all of a sudden normal people and not prying eyes judging my every movement.
its a real breath of fresh air... yeah, i just id share.
heh...
talk about making a short story long...

thats my shpeal for the day.

The trouble starts when...

...you start weighing your options. like now.. is the digital photography assignment REALLY worth all that much? i mean... its done and all, i just have to go through the effort of actually handing it in. and is the library assignment REALLY all that important? after all, ive done it before... ive pretty much settled that i couldnt care less about the library assignment and the 4% it represents... the pictures... i probably WILL go in to hand in... but i wont be happy about it!

i feel like someone is sitting on my chest, or like its imploding. i keep making myself cough to unblock my ariway but there is nothing to move. i feels like i just lost a lung or something.

right now im just killing time so i can figure out what time star wars is on tomorrow. they dont have the schedual until friday and im hoping thats like friday at midnight. well... i still have a full paragraph to write on what Yousuf Karsh MEANT in his photography...

any hints?

those crazy conservatives...

i was watching the news until i heard this quote from an older gentleman conserning Belinda Stronach`s jumping ship on the conservatives to join the liberals:
`
"Its like Judas giving up Christ. its the same thing."

its TOTALLY like giving up the man who died for our sins to the romans to be cruxified. (if youre into that sort of thing...) I wonder... does that make Steven Harper Jesus? if so, we need a new version of The Last Supper.

About Soccer.

there is something absolutly wonderful about soccer or any physical activity in general. something so great in tellling your body to do something and it actually does it. i cant help but feel amazed when i think "stop ball" and my body just DOES it. it becomes a challenge to do it consitently. the BEST part is when you know you couldnt do it before but now you can. and you want to keep doing it too. im so glad im playing soccer again. providing the team doesnt get into politics, im looking forward to this season. good players, good chemistry.

ch... ch... ch... check it out!

sunday.
5:25pm.
month of may.
year of 2005.



well... school is finally drawing to an end. i should be studying. i have one exam so i should kick ass in it. or else i will be sorely dissapointed in myself.

i want school could be done so i could get on with other plans. i am starting to regret signing up for canoe camping. the few people i know going on the trip i dislike and the other people i dont know are all overly peppy ECCE types or nurses. dont i just fit right in? to be fair i know one guy who i dont want to stab. he's from karate which is credential enough for me to not hate him. hopefully we can keep eachother from going insane.
other than that.. i have a few assignments to do for the end of this week... and thats it for this school term. i need to hang out with people. i have important dates with both ashley and sam. guys, i havent forgotten you! give me a week or two...


lest see... summer.. i think i will be in such insanely good shape this summer.
this is why: tuesday,wednesday,thursday (nights for all three), and saturday mornings i'll have karate. thursday nights (notice the overlap?) soccer games, and hopefully sunday nights we'll have our practices. this leaves me... monday and friday to get out of shape. i think i need a new job too. preferable something only in the mornings.and some place that doesnt jerk you around. yeah. that would be nice too.
ive been thinking of taking some summer art courses in july too. just for fun... i saw some that might be interesting, ill just have to see if my schedual will have room for it. and you know... will i still have time to breathe at that point...


so far ive managed to talk about absolutly nothing at all. im really just killing time before my soccer practice tonight. soccer! first game in two weeks!
so excited!!
oh no... i just realised that thats the day we're getting back from my camping trip... hopefully we'll be back in time. DAMN YOU CAMPING!!!


STAR WARS!! FRIDAY!!! GIDDINESS!!!

allright, im going to wrap this up before i accidentaly erase the whole thing. not that i wrote anything too life altering today..

meh.

so yeah... its been awhile.

ive kind of lost interest in broadcasting my feelings to all the people who read this (whoever they may be). i have a few theories on this. it used to be, people would bug me to update, or would at least seem interested. now... i write them down and i just feel whiney. for example: i dont feel like writing things down, because i feel as though people couldnt care less what i did and didnt write in here. now this is really a simple fact, not some kind of desperate plee for attention. i think i can think up better ways to plead for attention if i really needed it. but at the same time, i feel guilty for saying it, like by writing it down i am somehow charging my friends to do something about it. but really, im just trying to figure out why i never write in here anymore.

im not sure if this its just me, but i never really talk about myself anymore. or at least it feels like it. its not so much that no one really asks(because they do in a "so how are you?" kind of way) its just that... *I* dont want to hear me whine so why should YOU have to?


right. doing what i dont like doing. stopping now.


art show. tuesday. be there! at Heritage in the agora at 7. you can see all my crap on display :P
all my BEST crap that is.
woot.

oh, on the bright side, my driving instructor told me that i will probably need more lessons than normal. my mom was being overly supportive "whatevr it takes sweety!"
okay, thats only a partial truth. she was ridiculously upbeat about it, but i dont think she's ever called me sweety.

this time of year messes with my head. its associated with budding romance and new oppertunities. not stagnant routine. the result is that i dont really know what to do with myself. oh yay! summer! more time to... uh... sleep? take up fun projects around the house? when i think me, i think home decoration and self improvement.
yeesh.


ive always followed my parents to art shows and in the past i just kind of looked at the pretty colours and thought... "oh, thats nice". now im becoming a real art snob. i can actually pick out specifically why and why not i like piece of art. brilliant.
and then i remember that one day im expected to "be creative" and "have inspiration" and i get a little frightened. ive never doubted that one day ill have some sort of career in SOMETHING (though i never knew what). although the other day while i was working, it just hit me. what if i dont? what if i never "make it" and end up working at a coffee shop or a bar for the rest of my life? what happens when you realise you have nothing to offer the world? ugh.. i really dont want to think about it.


i've realise how in love i am with certain type of ceddar forests... they almost seem (to sound cheesy) maygical or something... it that quiet-ness. i cant explain it. i always feel at peace when im in one.



i think i've skipped around from subject to subject enough.. oh, one last note, i saw the cute guy from the coffee shop (still insanely attractive) again. this time i acted like less of a moron. now i know where he works... one step closer to finding out his name...

summer project perhaps?

thereare no words to express what a loser i am.