... and yet a had a good night.
i didnt think i would... everyone knows eachother and are just there to either get drunk of get some. i wanted neither. eventually i was dragged onto the dance floor. the good music came on and at first i was kind of self conscious, i mean, there were very few people dancing and i wasnt sure what people would think of me. im not the dancing type, see? but then... i just got into it. and i didnt care. i didnt care if people were staring, if i was making an idiot of myself. i danced and danced and just went with the music. all the girls around me were doing their little "oh look, im sexy and easy" dance and just looked so desperate. no one seemed to be really just... having fun. so thats what i did. i had fun. i jumped, i swung my head around, waved my arms and just generally shook ma booty like a fool and lost myself in the strobe lights, colours and insanely loud music. eventuallly they stopped playing anything good and i could only ignore the fact that i was dancing to crap on a stick in music form for so long. so i stoppped. no one tried to dance with me, and thats fine. why the hell would i want some guy pawing all over me while im having fun? i dont know, personnally i was sweaty and gross, last thing i want is some horny guy touching me. (not that id want him touching me in the first place). anywho, i just wish i could go someplace a dance to stuff like... sweet home alabama and thriller and other such good dancing tunes all night. even some sort of techno would work better. if this is what a rave is like, then sign me up.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
i want to throw up.
im, as the term goes, worried sick.
i feel like throwing up, im tense as all hell and i think my hands are almost shaking.
and its not even happening to me.
i dont know what to do...
i feel like throwing up, im tense as all hell and i think my hands are almost shaking.
and its not even happening to me.
i dont know what to do...
Monday, October 25, 2004
my keeeeeraaazy kitchen.
i missed my bus again this morning, i blame the kitchen. or my mother. or both.
i had about 5 minutes to make my lunch this morning. easy thinks I. ill just grab some leftover lasagna. easier said than done. to bring lasagna to school one cannot simply stuff it in one's pocket. one needs a fine invention such as tupperware. now the kitchen contain no less than 36 cupboards. i shit you not, this probably isnt that big of a exageration. only my mother knows where things are. partially because of the sheer amount of possibilies and partially because my mother keeps MOVING THINGS. i could have sworn i saw the tuperware in one drawer yesterday but loe and behold, today the same drawer held pots and pans. so as i frantically openned and closed everything with a handle within reach i asked my father if HE had any idea whereshe would have stashed them. he laughed. go knows. he said it was probably in some storage place we never even knew we had. he was right. i finally found it and my father admitted that he never even had considered looking there. oh, and where was my mother in all of this? sleeping, it was 6:50 am. (this probably didnt help matters)
when we first started installing things in the kitchen, my father and i joked about making a map. it doesnt seem like such a joke anymore...
i dont know... its hard to NOT like the kitchen, its basically designer perfect. its all just seems a little much for our run-of-the-mill suburban home. enh, what do i know... im not paying for it, right?
i wish i could be a stand up comic. it would be fun. except im not really funny. at least not stand-up-comic funny... more like walk-into-a-wall-and-everyone-laughs-at-you funny.
on the plus side, i probably didnt fail history of art.
thumbes up, right?
i had about 5 minutes to make my lunch this morning. easy thinks I. ill just grab some leftover lasagna. easier said than done. to bring lasagna to school one cannot simply stuff it in one's pocket. one needs a fine invention such as tupperware. now the kitchen contain no less than 36 cupboards. i shit you not, this probably isnt that big of a exageration. only my mother knows where things are. partially because of the sheer amount of possibilies and partially because my mother keeps MOVING THINGS. i could have sworn i saw the tuperware in one drawer yesterday but loe and behold, today the same drawer held pots and pans. so as i frantically openned and closed everything with a handle within reach i asked my father if HE had any idea whereshe would have stashed them. he laughed. go knows. he said it was probably in some storage place we never even knew we had. he was right. i finally found it and my father admitted that he never even had considered looking there. oh, and where was my mother in all of this? sleeping, it was 6:50 am. (this probably didnt help matters)
when we first started installing things in the kitchen, my father and i joked about making a map. it doesnt seem like such a joke anymore...
i dont know... its hard to NOT like the kitchen, its basically designer perfect. its all just seems a little much for our run-of-the-mill suburban home. enh, what do i know... im not paying for it, right?
i wish i could be a stand up comic. it would be fun. except im not really funny. at least not stand-up-comic funny... more like walk-into-a-wall-and-everyone-laughs-at-you funny.
on the plus side, i probably didnt fail history of art.
thumbes up, right?
Saturday, October 23, 2004
*squint*
i am very very tired. i suppose 3-4 hours sleep/karate while hungover will do that to a gal. i had alot of fun last night, hope to do so again soon. things ive learn that are hilarious when you are drunk: nigel, and mario party. imagine my dissapointment playing th game today. waaaaaay less fun.
i like to think im not a demanding person. i like to think i dont overreact to things. but when person assures you they will get in touch with you to confirm (or perhaps cancel) plans, i like to think the decent thing to do, would be to actually follow up on those assurances. especially when feelings are involved with said person. in light of all this, id like to think that i am slightly justified in being a tad annoyed.
just a tad.
i just want to go home and go to bed. then tomorrow, i just want to do nothing... but what are the odds of that happening, what with work having to be attended and all... i hope i start at 12... otherwise.... ill be going in at the wrong time. i hate closing. its so.... annoying. 12-5:30 i will be doing a job i hate for next to no money.
joy.
but life is unpleasant. i wish i could make it less so for other people. they really do deserve it....
i like to think im not a demanding person. i like to think i dont overreact to things. but when person assures you they will get in touch with you to confirm (or perhaps cancel) plans, i like to think the decent thing to do, would be to actually follow up on those assurances. especially when feelings are involved with said person. in light of all this, id like to think that i am slightly justified in being a tad annoyed.
just a tad.
i just want to go home and go to bed. then tomorrow, i just want to do nothing... but what are the odds of that happening, what with work having to be attended and all... i hope i start at 12... otherwise.... ill be going in at the wrong time. i hate closing. its so.... annoying. 12-5:30 i will be doing a job i hate for next to no money.
joy.
but life is unpleasant. i wish i could make it less so for other people. they really do deserve it....
Monday, October 18, 2004
hello blog, how are you?
ive been... well. thank you for asking.
i felt i needed to take a short somewhat introspective break from my friendly neighbourhood blog. or at least from serious posts. im trying to learn from myself, or learn about myself. its sounds cliche but im trying to figure out who i am. enh well...
so far ive come up with this: im bipolar. not very encouraging but we'll see. one day ill feel... almost on top of the world. like im walking through it and seing it all through wonderfully fresh eyes and its just all so big and i want to lose myself in it and see everything with open eyes. the very next day i will see this very large world and feel completely isolated from it and very alone. it honnestly changes from day to day. today was... okay. it was a mix of both. i felt nauseous all day, i couldnt eat my lunch. my solution? eat nachos when i get home. smart emily, smart.
last night i was on the bus home at about 9-ish. i was reading the adventures of hucklebery finn. we were about at the park-o-bus part of the trip when a man, sitting behind me, leans over and asks loudly "what the fuck kind of language is that?". now, it just so happens that this man was black and huckleberry finn contains alot of liberal use of that hated "N" word. so i thought he was going to give me a hard time about it. but no, he had just noticed the odd dialect used. he was quite drunk i think, my nose isnt very good but think i could smell beer on his breath. he struck up a "conversation" with me (i could only catch about half of it, the rest was incohearent mumbling). i didnt want to anger the drunk man especially since i had about another 30 minutes on the bus and i didnt want them to be spent talking down a raging drunk guy. so i was pleasant, smiled, and litenned to whatever it was he had to say. im still not sure if it was the right choice, but im not sure what esle i could have done. anyways, long story short, advances were made (to go out for coffee sometime), then gently rejected and he kept asking why? followed by "please?" and it was all very upseting in general. eventually my bus stop came and i had to get off and i told him so. he asked when he would see me again (i was standing at the door at this point). there had been talking on the bus before that and i was aware that everyone had stoped their conversations and were staring at us. it was very quiet. i just shrugged with an appologetic smile and made my retreat. as i jumped from the bus and hurried away i had one thought in my mind "dont follow me off, dont follow me off.."
he didnt.
i was still on edge the entire 10 minute walk home in the dark.
the entire situation just kind of... freaked me out. i dont know if there was a better way to handle the situation. i suppose i could have given the guy a fake number...
anyways, these are the type of things that happen that just widden my eyes on the world. everyone has this 'superman' feeling. like... oh, that would never happen to me. or if it did, i would be able to get away. and even though i know this, i still am convinced that had the guy followed me off the bus i WOULD have been able to get away (i had a plan all worked out). probably nothing WOULD have happened but you have to wonder just what exactly has to happen before you lose this feeling of 'untouchableness'.
food for thought is all...
we watched a movie in class today. it was about an artist, spencer was his first name, and one of his projects. he travelled across the states taking nude photos of people in urban settings. the pictures were quite beautiful and more movie than you would expect. the movie followed him throughout his travels and interviewed a few of his models. the word they all kept using was "liberating". not one of them had any regrets afterwards. these were all just regular people he asked in the street. one of the models, a 65 year old man, said something along the lines that when you are naked you are at your most anonymous, your most nondescript. anyways, the whole idea of the project was ... i dont know... moving. well, as movie as anything can be at 8 in the morning on a monday.
im in the art program. i think i could pull the whole thing off technically. but artistically... i dont think i have any vision. i dont have a message to tell the world...i dont have anything to insipire in the world. i want to touch someone, or even better, someones.
i just have nothing to touch them with....
i felt i needed to take a short somewhat introspective break from my friendly neighbourhood blog. or at least from serious posts. im trying to learn from myself, or learn about myself. its sounds cliche but im trying to figure out who i am. enh well...
so far ive come up with this: im bipolar. not very encouraging but we'll see. one day ill feel... almost on top of the world. like im walking through it and seing it all through wonderfully fresh eyes and its just all so big and i want to lose myself in it and see everything with open eyes. the very next day i will see this very large world and feel completely isolated from it and very alone. it honnestly changes from day to day. today was... okay. it was a mix of both. i felt nauseous all day, i couldnt eat my lunch. my solution? eat nachos when i get home. smart emily, smart.
last night i was on the bus home at about 9-ish. i was reading the adventures of hucklebery finn. we were about at the park-o-bus part of the trip when a man, sitting behind me, leans over and asks loudly "what the fuck kind of language is that?". now, it just so happens that this man was black and huckleberry finn contains alot of liberal use of that hated "N" word. so i thought he was going to give me a hard time about it. but no, he had just noticed the odd dialect used. he was quite drunk i think, my nose isnt very good but think i could smell beer on his breath. he struck up a "conversation" with me (i could only catch about half of it, the rest was incohearent mumbling). i didnt want to anger the drunk man especially since i had about another 30 minutes on the bus and i didnt want them to be spent talking down a raging drunk guy. so i was pleasant, smiled, and litenned to whatever it was he had to say. im still not sure if it was the right choice, but im not sure what esle i could have done. anyways, long story short, advances were made (to go out for coffee sometime), then gently rejected and he kept asking why? followed by "please?" and it was all very upseting in general. eventually my bus stop came and i had to get off and i told him so. he asked when he would see me again (i was standing at the door at this point). there had been talking on the bus before that and i was aware that everyone had stoped their conversations and were staring at us. it was very quiet. i just shrugged with an appologetic smile and made my retreat. as i jumped from the bus and hurried away i had one thought in my mind "dont follow me off, dont follow me off.."
he didnt.
i was still on edge the entire 10 minute walk home in the dark.
the entire situation just kind of... freaked me out. i dont know if there was a better way to handle the situation. i suppose i could have given the guy a fake number...
anyways, these are the type of things that happen that just widden my eyes on the world. everyone has this 'superman' feeling. like... oh, that would never happen to me. or if it did, i would be able to get away. and even though i know this, i still am convinced that had the guy followed me off the bus i WOULD have been able to get away (i had a plan all worked out). probably nothing WOULD have happened but you have to wonder just what exactly has to happen before you lose this feeling of 'untouchableness'.
food for thought is all...
we watched a movie in class today. it was about an artist, spencer was his first name, and one of his projects. he travelled across the states taking nude photos of people in urban settings. the pictures were quite beautiful and more movie than you would expect. the movie followed him throughout his travels and interviewed a few of his models. the word they all kept using was "liberating". not one of them had any regrets afterwards. these were all just regular people he asked in the street. one of the models, a 65 year old man, said something along the lines that when you are naked you are at your most anonymous, your most nondescript. anyways, the whole idea of the project was ... i dont know... moving. well, as movie as anything can be at 8 in the morning on a monday.
im in the art program. i think i could pull the whole thing off technically. but artistically... i dont think i have any vision. i dont have a message to tell the world...i dont have anything to insipire in the world. i want to touch someone, or even better, someones.
i just have nothing to touch them with....
Monday, October 11, 2004
viki, i am going to kill you.
you still have my paint biznatch!@!$*(YR)(%_)*$)(&#(*@&$_(%Q)(_*
well then... no homework for me...
well then... no homework for me...
oh the injustice, the terrible injustice...
all this thanksgiving food leftovers and no microwave to heat it with...
WHY???
WHY???
Thursday, October 07, 2004
a guide to emily
ive realised that a have a certain... weakness for some things. so without further ado, 10 things that i am a sucker for (in no particular order):
1. violin music
2. acoustic/guitar (strumming more specifically)
3. pencil sketches
4. moonlit romances (as corny as it is..)
5. compliments (yes, i know im sad)
6. horror movies. as in... im afraid of them. any person taking me to any sort of scary movie should be prepared to have me cling all over them.
(i should have thought this one through... im running out..)
7. oh, sunny days. and cool breezes. at the same time.
8. food. i like eating it and cannot go hungry very long without impulsively buying food.
9. KITTIES and PUPPIES!!!!
10. competition. as soon as its competitive, im hooked.
there. thats what i could come up with at quarter to 12 on a thursday night.
oh, and tyler: it was a Wacom graphics tablet.
i am a spoiled brat.
1. violin music
2. acoustic/guitar (strumming more specifically)
3. pencil sketches
4. moonlit romances (as corny as it is..)
5. compliments (yes, i know im sad)
6. horror movies. as in... im afraid of them. any person taking me to any sort of scary movie should be prepared to have me cling all over them.
(i should have thought this one through... im running out..)
7. oh, sunny days. and cool breezes. at the same time.
8. food. i like eating it and cannot go hungry very long without impulsively buying food.
9. KITTIES and PUPPIES!!!!
10. competition. as soon as its competitive, im hooked.
there. thats what i could come up with at quarter to 12 on a thursday night.
oh, and tyler: it was a Wacom graphics tablet.
i am a spoiled brat.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
my travelling present.
my parents got me a birthday present. what is it you may ask? i dont know. it hasnt arrived yet. its in the mail. earlier today it was in concord ontario. later... lachine (if thats how its spelled), quebec. tomorrow... Saskatchewan.
oh and a little rant about stupid businesses... when someone orders something and you say "we'll call you when it arrives", here's a good business tip... ACTUALLY CALL.
i damn equally both ottawa U and Wallack's. damn you! *shakes fist*
oh and a little rant about stupid businesses... when someone orders something and you say "we'll call you when it arrives", here's a good business tip... ACTUALLY CALL.
i damn equally both ottawa U and Wallack's. damn you! *shakes fist*
Sunday, October 03, 2004
and the girl cried.
fuck self pity.
i could do that if i had something to be self pitying about.
but i dont.
so fuck it.
if you all walk away now, i dont blame you.
i could do that if i had something to be self pitying about.
but i dont.
so fuck it.
if you all walk away now, i dont blame you.
its my party so i can cry if i want to.
for those of you who dont know, thats from a song. and no, im not even having a party.
i found something i wrote almost a year ago. in fact, it will be exactly a year ago in ... 5 hours and 10 minutes.
so that was the me when i turned 17.
this brings up another point... ive had this blog for over a year now. crazy, non? imagine all the hours, all the thoughts, all the pains, all the happy moments poured into this thing. thats over an entire year of fairly regular posting. and its all in one spot. all i can say is that id be one unhappy camper if blogger suddenly decided to erase all this. enh well...
today i treated my self to a birthday present to me.
happy birthday to me...
i bought shoes
happy birthday to me...
really really cool shoes
happy birthday, happy birthday...
i mean come on, they're ORANGE
happy birthday to me.
okay so technically its not til tomorrow.
so sue me.
i found something i wrote almost a year ago. in fact, it will be exactly a year ago in ... 5 hours and 10 minutes.
Saturday, October 04, 2003
hey hey
happy birthday to meeeee...
i just noticed from my other post that it's technically saturday.so it's technically my birthday.
soooo.... yeah
happy birthday to meeee
i belong in a zoo
I look like a monkey
and i smell like one too.
i meant didnt. i DONT look like a monkey. or smell like one. NOR do i belong in a zoo
those are all typos
i swear
i like spaces
they amuse me
alot
posted by em at 1:40 AM
so that was the me when i turned 17.
this brings up another point... ive had this blog for over a year now. crazy, non? imagine all the hours, all the thoughts, all the pains, all the happy moments poured into this thing. thats over an entire year of fairly regular posting. and its all in one spot. all i can say is that id be one unhappy camper if blogger suddenly decided to erase all this. enh well...
today i treated my self to a birthday present to me.
happy birthday to me...
i bought shoes
happy birthday to me...
really really cool shoes
happy birthday, happy birthday...
i mean come on, they're ORANGE
happy birthday to me.
okay so technically its not til tomorrow.
so sue me.
Saturday, October 02, 2004
"Things are turning up Millhouse!"
im at viki's. she's talking to mike and has been for awhile so i says to mabel i says... mr computer will keep me company. we were doing homework, funky no?
** i wrote that last night.
yeah...
i should have stayed home and watched movies.
its the morning now and i really want to talk to someone, anyone but no one is around. apparently 8 is too early for us folk on a sunday. enh... the dog is barking. i should probably shut him up... i feel so lazy, i dont want to go to work today. buuuuut... i have to. 12 to 5... at least its only five hours... plus close... damn you close...
bleh.
** i wrote that last night.
yeah...
i should have stayed home and watched movies.
its the morning now and i really want to talk to someone, anyone but no one is around. apparently 8 is too early for us folk on a sunday. enh... the dog is barking. i should probably shut him up... i feel so lazy, i dont want to go to work today. buuuuut... i have to. 12 to 5... at least its only five hours... plus close... damn you close...
bleh.
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