dont EVER ask me to plan anything and if i offer, decline. if i insist, decline again. in i REALLY insist, shoot me or remind me of this time.
ugh... i am one special person.... i have a feeling there will be random people spread out over ottawa and aylmer all day tomorrow lost and never able to find my house...
i need to go skiing. skiing fixes all.
Saturday, February 28, 2004
Friday, February 27, 2004
oh the wonders of my little mind
well, it's 7:50 and im sitting at school. ive been here for about twenty minutes. now why would a person like me, or any sane person for the matter, be at school SO FREAKIN EARLY!?!?!? well, for one, my dad usually drives me in on friday's on his way to work and he had an early appointment to be at so i had to be here early. guess who is sitting next to me! thats right, my darling little brother. now many of you would wonder why i would bring my high school attending little brother to cegep at 7:30 on a friday. well, you see... as it turns out, my brother was doing a project and since our family is lazy, the colour ink ran out and the black and white pictures turned out to be, well... shitty... so, being the nice big sister i am, i told him to come in early with me so that i could print it up for him and he could take the bus to school afterwards. he reluctantly accepted. once we got to school however, i found out thr printers available to us lowly students are NOT colour and now that i think of it, i cant seem to rememeber a reason for me thinking they WERE. however, the printer here is of subtancially better quality than the one at home so the balck and white pictures werent so bad. lucky for me, or my brother would have murdered me.
well, thats all folks, i should go off to my english mid term that i studied half an hour for yesterday... heh...
oh, ive realised thatpossibly my least attented class, mechanics, is the one where i am getting the highest marks. go figure... actually... least attended MIGT actually be chemistry... but my marks arent that great there so ill just ignore that fact... heh.
well, thats all folks, i should go off to my english mid term that i studied half an hour for yesterday... heh...
oh, ive realised thatpossibly my least attented class, mechanics, is the one where i am getting the highest marks. go figure... actually... least attended MIGT actually be chemistry... but my marks arent that great there so ill just ignore that fact... heh.
Monday, February 23, 2004
things left unsaid and things that should have been left unsaid
why is it that when you wish you had spoken up, opened your heart, let things flow freely till there was no doubt in anyone's mind how you felt, why is it in those times you always are quiet?
why is it that whenever you wish you have said nothing and really only said something out of a sense of duty to that old myth that you feel better when you've talked about it, why is it that in these situations you open up against the best of your judgement?
the things left unsaid swirl around in your brain, rephrasing themselves, changing, getting more real and solid then phasing back into some smokey dream that seems so insubstantial that is no wonder you never said it out loud. but eventually it comes back to remind you of that missed oppertunity, it always does.
then you start to imagine not only what you could have said but how it could have been taken. now this is when the swirling thoughts become a veritable blizzard. possibilities brach out and multiply exponentially until you have lost all sense of the pheasible and all that you can phathom are odd fantasies or gross distortions. in the end you are left with a jumble of a mind and you wonder why oh why that thing, that ever so important thing that just had to be said and is causing such an upstir in your much much to active imagination could not have just come out. then you remember. and you smile, shake your head because you know, as much as you think that i should have come out, you know that it's better now. now it's more solid, more refined. maye it wont come out next time or the next but when it does, it'll be right, and all the swirls and ghosts thoughts in your mind will come out as one solid thing of such certainty that it can almost be touched.
whats done is done, you pick up, move on, learn. thats all there is to it.
this post was brought to you by the color purple. the color purple because it was the main mental image i had while writing out the whole thing. light lilac purple cloudy swirls... dont ask...
actually, i mean that, dont ask, i wrote it as it came to me and i dont really think it means anything. it's just some artistic bull.
why is it that whenever you wish you have said nothing and really only said something out of a sense of duty to that old myth that you feel better when you've talked about it, why is it that in these situations you open up against the best of your judgement?
the things left unsaid swirl around in your brain, rephrasing themselves, changing, getting more real and solid then phasing back into some smokey dream that seems so insubstantial that is no wonder you never said it out loud. but eventually it comes back to remind you of that missed oppertunity, it always does.
then you start to imagine not only what you could have said but how it could have been taken. now this is when the swirling thoughts become a veritable blizzard. possibilities brach out and multiply exponentially until you have lost all sense of the pheasible and all that you can phathom are odd fantasies or gross distortions. in the end you are left with a jumble of a mind and you wonder why oh why that thing, that ever so important thing that just had to be said and is causing such an upstir in your much much to active imagination could not have just come out. then you remember. and you smile, shake your head because you know, as much as you think that i should have come out, you know that it's better now. now it's more solid, more refined. maye it wont come out next time or the next but when it does, it'll be right, and all the swirls and ghosts thoughts in your mind will come out as one solid thing of such certainty that it can almost be touched.
whats done is done, you pick up, move on, learn. thats all there is to it.
this post was brought to you by the color purple. the color purple because it was the main mental image i had while writing out the whole thing. light lilac purple cloudy swirls... dont ask...
actually, i mean that, dont ask, i wrote it as it came to me and i dont really think it means anything. it's just some artistic bull.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
uh oh, you're in trouble...
you see, when i usually write one of these dealies, i have some sort of a plan.
tonight, mes amis, i do not.
which means ramblings. WIPEE!
my head has this funny feeling. almost like it hurts but not enough to be painful. can your head feel swollen? no i dont think so... even if it could, it wouldnt matter because that isnt how i would describe it... more like someone spent the last five minutes shaking my head, but not too hard, just hard enough to kind of numb you or something.
the operative words there were "or something"
im in an odd mood right now. not quite good but definatly not bad. im in a silly mood if you will. any conversation with me now will result in gibberish and or hilarious annecdotes.
what are the odds! the only conversation im having tonight (which i am having as much fun as possible writing up) is of private nature and so i cannot quote myself! dammit! and im so damn funny too! ;) actually, no, im lying. im more the type of person you like to laugh at.
like that guy.... with the haircut... and the stupidity.... good to laugh at, not much esle.... okay, so not like that... i havent had a haircut in AGES!
thank you thank you, ill be here all week. heck, im here FOREVER. ha ha.... ha... ha...
yeah, not funny.
so i was talking to jacqui today, and she was telling me she thinks kids should go into their more artistic/creative calling first to figure themselves out before settling into whatever serious business they intend on going into. i like this theory. it fits into my no more chemistry or mechanics theory. fits very nicely indeed. nah, this still isnt a decision.
i hope you all realise that i wont make a decision til the very last moment where i will have no choice but to chose.
just making sure you knew that,. coma space backspace period backspace period space backspace space backspace.....
AAAAAAAAAAAANYWAYS. so how are all of you? good? bad? thats nice...
my mom had a group of ladies over tonight for a home and board grounds comitee over tonight. i thought this was kind of funny since they are allmore than likely stay at home soccer moms... technically i guess my mom is too.. she doesnt work, she owns a book called "the joy of not working", her kids play soccer... i cant remember where i was going with this... oh yeah, she really doesnt make me think of the typical stay at home mom... she actually doesnt enjoy stuff like comitees and fund raisers, in fact she'd prefer to be a hermit but thats another story.
anyways, its time for me to rest my little brown eyes. or all the colours in the world, i HAD to get brown.... i mean seriously, its not even GOOD colour...
pssh.
good night sleep tight dont let the bed bugs bite.
tonight, mes amis, i do not.
which means ramblings. WIPEE!
my head has this funny feeling. almost like it hurts but not enough to be painful. can your head feel swollen? no i dont think so... even if it could, it wouldnt matter because that isnt how i would describe it... more like someone spent the last five minutes shaking my head, but not too hard, just hard enough to kind of numb you or something.
the operative words there were "or something"
im in an odd mood right now. not quite good but definatly not bad. im in a silly mood if you will. any conversation with me now will result in gibberish and or hilarious annecdotes.
what are the odds! the only conversation im having tonight (which i am having as much fun as possible writing up) is of private nature and so i cannot quote myself! dammit! and im so damn funny too! ;) actually, no, im lying. im more the type of person you like to laugh at.
like that guy.... with the haircut... and the stupidity.... good to laugh at, not much esle.... okay, so not like that... i havent had a haircut in AGES!
thank you thank you, ill be here all week. heck, im here FOREVER. ha ha.... ha... ha...
yeah, not funny.
so i was talking to jacqui today, and she was telling me she thinks kids should go into their more artistic/creative calling first to figure themselves out before settling into whatever serious business they intend on going into. i like this theory. it fits into my no more chemistry or mechanics theory. fits very nicely indeed. nah, this still isnt a decision.
i hope you all realise that i wont make a decision til the very last moment where i will have no choice but to chose.
just making sure you knew that,. coma space backspace period backspace period space backspace space backspace.....
AAAAAAAAAAAANYWAYS. so how are all of you? good? bad? thats nice...
my mom had a group of ladies over tonight for a home and board grounds comitee over tonight. i thought this was kind of funny since they are allmore than likely stay at home soccer moms... technically i guess my mom is too.. she doesnt work, she owns a book called "the joy of not working", her kids play soccer... i cant remember where i was going with this... oh yeah, she really doesnt make me think of the typical stay at home mom... she actually doesnt enjoy stuff like comitees and fund raisers, in fact she'd prefer to be a hermit but thats another story.
anyways, its time for me to rest my little brown eyes. or all the colours in the world, i HAD to get brown.... i mean seriously, its not even GOOD colour...
pssh.
good night sleep tight dont let the bed bugs bite.
Monday, February 16, 2004
Sunday, February 15, 2004
Thursday, February 12, 2004
blog it up take 2.
a new day and a new computer.
well, as i started to say yesterday when i was rudely interrupted, the reason i decided to write in my blog yesterday was because pat told me to. he was going to class and i was left alone. as he was walking away, he suggested i "foose it up" at my reluctant "eenh.." he suggested i "blog it up" to which i said "okay". now im sure you are all just as enthralled about this conversation as i was.
the other day i was sitting at the dinner table and my mom mentioned to my dad that she checked out realstate during the day but didnt seem to find uch of interest. confused, i asked why she was looking at that. as it turns out, my parents are thinking of movie AGAIN. for the same reason actually... to clarify, a few years ago, they looked into this and finding no house of interest and bought a lot instead with intentions of designing and building a house to their liking. i was a nice lot. about an acre, wooded... nice place really. then they realised that building a house takes alot of organisation and money. so they sold the lot. the reason for all of this is a little complicated. we've been planning to renovate the kitchen. now if we do what my parents plan to, well be taking out a wall, putting in a substantial amount of extra windows, replacing the cubbords and refloring. there is also talk of hard wood floor in the rest of the downstairs part of the house. this is where things get a little technical. our house is one of the biggest on the street. now because of this, it's value can never get much beyond that of the other houses around it, no matter how much money is put into it. now if we were to invest in this (and it's quite the investment) then we'd essentially just be losing all the money put into it when we move (ie we me and my brother move out and my parents are left with a big empty house). that and the neighbourhood has gotten quite a bit more suburban since we moved in. it's noisy, busy and my mom has this ambition of living like a hermit or something. anyways, she wants to move somewhere like chelsea. so apparently it would be more worth our while to move to a nice house that already has everything we want in it or at least has better potential with renovations.
now none of this will happen soon, if at all. it's all just speculation. it doesnt help that my parents seems to refuse to see a realestate agent. apparently they insist on showing you homes that arent anything near what you want. (they learnt this last time). im not quite sure how i feel about all of this. i was never one to be afraid of change. i always get excited when something new happens although i may not think the same way after. but i look at all the things about my house that i love, my backyard mostly, but my basement and the living room to. im not really all that attached to my room though... in the lng run, i dont know how ill feel about living in the boonies somewhere... ill enjoy the peacefyulness in the summer, thats for sure. if i get my drivers liscense it wouldnt be so bad. i could even guilt trip my parents into lending me the car.
speaking of my backyard... this was about a few months ago that this happened. it was right after a fresh snowfall. i was sitting at the kitchen table one morning. either it was the weekend or during christmas break because it was full sunshine. so yeah, it was bright and sunny and there was perfect fluffy snow everywhere. there were a bunch of little chickadees at the birdfeeder and sitting in the ceaders. a ligth wind blew a fine powder of snow off the trees and it just kind of SLOWLY fell to the ground, almost like it was just hanging midair. the sun made the sun sparkle. picture it: snowy landscape, little birds, sunshine, sparkly snow hanging in the air.... i was going to entitle this : "call disney and tell them to come pick up their landscape." you know the expression picture perfect? based on moments like these. i was between wonder and absolute disgust at the sheer percfectness of it all.
hmm... what else did i have to talk about... oh yeah, i talked to my mom who then brought it uo with my dad who then brought it up with me about changing programs. amazingly, my dad seemed more okay with the idea then my mom, i thought it would be the opposite. not to say that my mom was against it. she just thinks that i might enjoy it more once i get to university in something more specific to what i like. that might be true. either way, i dont know what im going to do. neither one seems to be the definate right anwser. for now, im just going to concentrate on doing well this semester.
im trying not to skip any classes. its hard but... im trying. the problem is that the two days where i actually catch the bus and dont get a ride in, i usually miss the bus and usually end up missing my first class. and this, for some reason, alwasy happens on thursday so i always miss mechanics. which means im learning very little on that front. i just have to catch up, thats all... which isnt going to happen with me sitting here so... in closing... SHAZZAM
well, as i started to say yesterday when i was rudely interrupted, the reason i decided to write in my blog yesterday was because pat told me to. he was going to class and i was left alone. as he was walking away, he suggested i "foose it up" at my reluctant "eenh.." he suggested i "blog it up" to which i said "okay". now im sure you are all just as enthralled about this conversation as i was.
the other day i was sitting at the dinner table and my mom mentioned to my dad that she checked out realstate during the day but didnt seem to find uch of interest. confused, i asked why she was looking at that. as it turns out, my parents are thinking of movie AGAIN. for the same reason actually... to clarify, a few years ago, they looked into this and finding no house of interest and bought a lot instead with intentions of designing and building a house to their liking. i was a nice lot. about an acre, wooded... nice place really. then they realised that building a house takes alot of organisation and money. so they sold the lot. the reason for all of this is a little complicated. we've been planning to renovate the kitchen. now if we do what my parents plan to, well be taking out a wall, putting in a substantial amount of extra windows, replacing the cubbords and refloring. there is also talk of hard wood floor in the rest of the downstairs part of the house. this is where things get a little technical. our house is one of the biggest on the street. now because of this, it's value can never get much beyond that of the other houses around it, no matter how much money is put into it. now if we were to invest in this (and it's quite the investment) then we'd essentially just be losing all the money put into it when we move (ie we me and my brother move out and my parents are left with a big empty house). that and the neighbourhood has gotten quite a bit more suburban since we moved in. it's noisy, busy and my mom has this ambition of living like a hermit or something. anyways, she wants to move somewhere like chelsea. so apparently it would be more worth our while to move to a nice house that already has everything we want in it or at least has better potential with renovations.
now none of this will happen soon, if at all. it's all just speculation. it doesnt help that my parents seems to refuse to see a realestate agent. apparently they insist on showing you homes that arent anything near what you want. (they learnt this last time). im not quite sure how i feel about all of this. i was never one to be afraid of change. i always get excited when something new happens although i may not think the same way after. but i look at all the things about my house that i love, my backyard mostly, but my basement and the living room to. im not really all that attached to my room though... in the lng run, i dont know how ill feel about living in the boonies somewhere... ill enjoy the peacefyulness in the summer, thats for sure. if i get my drivers liscense it wouldnt be so bad. i could even guilt trip my parents into lending me the car.
speaking of my backyard... this was about a few months ago that this happened. it was right after a fresh snowfall. i was sitting at the kitchen table one morning. either it was the weekend or during christmas break because it was full sunshine. so yeah, it was bright and sunny and there was perfect fluffy snow everywhere. there were a bunch of little chickadees at the birdfeeder and sitting in the ceaders. a ligth wind blew a fine powder of snow off the trees and it just kind of SLOWLY fell to the ground, almost like it was just hanging midair. the sun made the sun sparkle. picture it: snowy landscape, little birds, sunshine, sparkly snow hanging in the air.... i was going to entitle this : "call disney and tell them to come pick up their landscape." you know the expression picture perfect? based on moments like these. i was between wonder and absolute disgust at the sheer percfectness of it all.
hmm... what else did i have to talk about... oh yeah, i talked to my mom who then brought it uo with my dad who then brought it up with me about changing programs. amazingly, my dad seemed more okay with the idea then my mom, i thought it would be the opposite. not to say that my mom was against it. she just thinks that i might enjoy it more once i get to university in something more specific to what i like. that might be true. either way, i dont know what im going to do. neither one seems to be the definate right anwser. for now, im just going to concentrate on doing well this semester.
im trying not to skip any classes. its hard but... im trying. the problem is that the two days where i actually catch the bus and dont get a ride in, i usually miss the bus and usually end up missing my first class. and this, for some reason, alwasy happens on thursday so i always miss mechanics. which means im learning very little on that front. i just have to catch up, thats all... which isnt going to happen with me sitting here so... in closing... SHAZZAM
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
blog it up yo.
ive been meaning to write something for a long time. i have alist of subject to discuss and its been pilling up for a while. but it seems everytime i have a few minutes to spare at night whilesitting at the computer, there is usually some gunbound to be played. that game is damn addictive.
so why am i takingthetimenow?wellimatschoolandtheschoolcomputersucksandthespacebarjustbroke.sooooo....imgoingtogetanothercomputer.
so why am i takingthetimenow?wellimatschoolandtheschoolcomputersucksandthespacebarjustbroke.sooooo....imgoingtogetanothercomputer.
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
caution: mess of a person, approach with care
a series of events have caused me to think i may be going insane:
volleyball tournament. coach asks me my jersey number (which i am wearing) trying to see over my shoulder, i ask the girl behind me what my humber is. she anwsers "5, but the number is on the front of your shirt too you know" sure enough, it was.
managed to screw up cooking kraft noodles. every few bites had some crunchy bits in it.
got into school at 8am only to skip my first class.
am slowly creating a gaping hole in my bag (it's about 4 inches long now) and am doing nothing to prevent it.
have unatural amounts of work to do and am wasting my time on here.
to complete this warning, if ANYONE comes near me, be forewarned, i will complain about something to you, whether you like it or not.
(just so you know, i wrote this blog with all its pointless content mostly for the title)
volleyball tournament. coach asks me my jersey number (which i am wearing) trying to see over my shoulder, i ask the girl behind me what my humber is. she anwsers "5, but the number is on the front of your shirt too you know" sure enough, it was.
managed to screw up cooking kraft noodles. every few bites had some crunchy bits in it.
got into school at 8am only to skip my first class.
am slowly creating a gaping hole in my bag (it's about 4 inches long now) and am doing nothing to prevent it.
have unatural amounts of work to do and am wasting my time on here.
to complete this warning, if ANYONE comes near me, be forewarned, i will complain about something to you, whether you like it or not.
(just so you know, i wrote this blog with all its pointless content mostly for the title)
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
a quick one before rocking the cash bar.
no, i refuse to explain my title.
today was oddly good. actually, it wasnt that great... it was long and classes were boring. i found out i had to work around lunch and had to get my mom to drop off my work pants. then, i left half an hour early on a bus that was SUPPOSED to get me there at 5:26. at 5:50 we still werent there. we were actually a few blocks away at the last stop before turning onto rideau street. the place where the bus drivers usually take their break. so i jumped off there and speed walked to work and got there on the hour (which is basically late by the time i get all uniformed up) but it was still about 30 minutews before i would have gotten there had i stayed on the bus.
well, i worked with the two assistant managers, both who are very cool. we listenned to some hella cool 80's stuff. classics like oh hell i forgot the name. i had it in my head as i was writing 80s and between that and 4 words later i lost it. feckin hell... yup. its gone for good. and this is the extent of my complete lack of memory. if i ever forget your name, THIS is why.
so anyways, whatwith the music, the good company and the relative business, work wasnt too bad. i left in a good mood with my 2 boxes of cinamon buns (alex, you owe me) eager to buy some popcorn (i didnt get any supper). however, somewhere betweenthe time i finished cleaning up and the time i came out from the back after getting my coat and stuff all together, the popcorn place across the hall had closed (this is about a 5 minute span). i was heart broken. i had to catch a bus in 10 minutes so i didnt want to go too far. unfortunatly all the food places in the mall were closed so i wandered over to starbucks. now, at this point, i was still in a good mood, despite my lack of food. so i wander into starbucks and stare at the display for a bit, trying to make a choice. i couldnt decide between the lemon poppy seed bread and the peanut butter cookie. they both looked so good. beeing in the good mood i was, i decided to buy both, knowing full well id never eat both.i waited for a bus with my baked goods, buns and hot chocolate (another impulse buy) still in a good mood. it wasnt cold and it was snowing big fluffy flakes, the kind you just want to stand and watch fall because it swirls around in the wind and shines oddly in the street light. on top of it all i had some tunes blaring in my ears.
good evenning indeed.
today was oddly good. actually, it wasnt that great... it was long and classes were boring. i found out i had to work around lunch and had to get my mom to drop off my work pants. then, i left half an hour early on a bus that was SUPPOSED to get me there at 5:26. at 5:50 we still werent there. we were actually a few blocks away at the last stop before turning onto rideau street. the place where the bus drivers usually take their break. so i jumped off there and speed walked to work and got there on the hour (which is basically late by the time i get all uniformed up) but it was still about 30 minutews before i would have gotten there had i stayed on the bus.
well, i worked with the two assistant managers, both who are very cool. we listenned to some hella cool 80's stuff. classics like oh hell i forgot the name. i had it in my head as i was writing 80s and between that and 4 words later i lost it. feckin hell... yup. its gone for good. and this is the extent of my complete lack of memory. if i ever forget your name, THIS is why.
so anyways, whatwith the music, the good company and the relative business, work wasnt too bad. i left in a good mood with my 2 boxes of cinamon buns (alex, you owe me) eager to buy some popcorn (i didnt get any supper). however, somewhere betweenthe time i finished cleaning up and the time i came out from the back after getting my coat and stuff all together, the popcorn place across the hall had closed (this is about a 5 minute span). i was heart broken. i had to catch a bus in 10 minutes so i didnt want to go too far. unfortunatly all the food places in the mall were closed so i wandered over to starbucks. now, at this point, i was still in a good mood, despite my lack of food. so i wander into starbucks and stare at the display for a bit, trying to make a choice. i couldnt decide between the lemon poppy seed bread and the peanut butter cookie. they both looked so good. beeing in the good mood i was, i decided to buy both, knowing full well id never eat both.i waited for a bus with my baked goods, buns and hot chocolate (another impulse buy) still in a good mood. it wasnt cold and it was snowing big fluffy flakes, the kind you just want to stand and watch fall because it swirls around in the wind and shines oddly in the street light. on top of it all i had some tunes blaring in my ears.
good evenning indeed.
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