...It's late and I can't sleep. At least I don't HAVE to get up early tomorrow, I just aim to.
My body is exhausted. I didn't take more than a 30 minute break today between 8:30 and 8. Class, canvas building/stretching/gessoing and karate. Oh yeah... I'm taking karate again, I don't think I mentioned that. It's good to be busy. I don't think I thought of anything but work all day. It felt nice. I guess now it's just cathing up to me.
The skin on my knuckles is all rough and torn off from stretching canvas. Who ever said being an artist was easy? I just built a 5 1/2 foot by 7 foot canvas in 7 hours. Now I don't think that's that bad. If it sounds like I'm bragging, it's because I am. But that was the easy part. Now I have to drag the damn thing around (and it's fucking heavy for a canvas). It's really ackward because I have one hell of a blind spot when I'm holding that thing. Oh and paint. I have to cover it in some sort of a painting by next week.
Along with another assignment.
And an essay on friday.
And kill me now.
On the VERY VERY VERY plus side, we got an extension for our drawing project *does a happy dance in her head*.
....
oh fuck the sex... I just need a good cuddle and a kiss on the forehead.
Damn.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Of sex and how I need it.
oh god I can't sleep. This always happens before 8:30 classes.
What's on my mind? sex. okay, for the record, I have issues that will not be discussed right now with sex in terms of intercourse, so for the purpose of this post let's just assume that when I say sex I mean anything but intercourse involving another person and resulting in orgasm.
I suppose I should put a disclaimer in here... Anyone who doesn't want to read about my libido stop reading about a paragraph ago. There. You've been warned.
So yeah... I'm horny and in definate need of a good makeout session with someone I trust and am comfortable around AND who has no messy emotional strings attached. No, this isnt an open invitation, so I will castrate the first person who offers. I'm just venting so that I can sleep.
The problem is, whenever I get into one of these situations I usually rush in and once it gets beyond the just kissing phase I freak out and bail. But I'm too impatient for the dating/getting to know someone phase (That and there isn't exactly a line up of people waiting to date me at the moment....).
My point is, my libido is out of control. Everywhere I look I see good-looking people. Why are there so many hot people in Montreal? Where did they all come from? How do I meet one of them?
Well now that I've completly embarassed myself on the internet (don't worry, all the cool kids are doing it!), I'm going to go to bed and hope I come to my senses in the morning and remove this post.
What's on my mind? sex. okay, for the record, I have issues that will not be discussed right now with sex in terms of intercourse, so for the purpose of this post let's just assume that when I say sex I mean anything but intercourse involving another person and resulting in orgasm.
I suppose I should put a disclaimer in here... Anyone who doesn't want to read about my libido stop reading about a paragraph ago. There. You've been warned.
So yeah... I'm horny and in definate need of a good makeout session with someone I trust and am comfortable around AND who has no messy emotional strings attached. No, this isnt an open invitation, so I will castrate the first person who offers. I'm just venting so that I can sleep.
The problem is, whenever I get into one of these situations I usually rush in and once it gets beyond the just kissing phase I freak out and bail. But I'm too impatient for the dating/getting to know someone phase (That and there isn't exactly a line up of people waiting to date me at the moment....).
My point is, my libido is out of control. Everywhere I look I see good-looking people. Why are there so many hot people in Montreal? Where did they all come from? How do I meet one of them?
Well now that I've completly embarassed myself on the internet (don't worry, all the cool kids are doing it!), I'm going to go to bed and hope I come to my senses in the morning and remove this post.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Quick Link
Married to the Sea is often funny, like this!
I thought it was especially appropriate considering part of my previous post.
I thought it was especially appropriate considering part of my previous post.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Of educational angst
The wonderful thing about school is that it has taught me one of the most important life lessons I've learnt to date; I don't know jack shit. The more I learn, the more I realise how truly ignorant I was, am and probably always will be. I'd like to say that that's why I think everyone should seek higher education. In reality there are many who seem to get the opposite impression with their university degrees while others figure this out on their own without the help of expensive schooling. In the end, I'll settle with saying that I appreceate university for that reason.
There is no conversation I get into now without realising how completly clueless I am on the whole topic. In any feild really. One of my profs has been lecturing on Post-colonialism lately, concentrating on first-nation issues last class. I'd never really understood the land conflict between first nation tribes and the governement, and I still don't. I'd always assumed it had to do with making right the inumberable historical wrongs our ancesters did to theirs. This has always made me uncomfortable because, well, lets face it, I'm pretty much a direct descendent of the french settlers who fucked the aboriginals over. To add insult to injury, I've always taken a certain amount of pride in my ancestry. All this to say, I never understood the first nation problem and usually dismissed it out of hand because of how uncomfortable it made me. I'd like to say that I realise now that that's wrong but to be honnest I'm not sure what it is that I realise now. This all comes back to the fact that I really just don't know anything on the subject. And quite frankly, this bothers me. I WANT to understand. Not just on this issue but many others. I WANT to know why my planet is going to shit, I WANT to know why people are dying everyday in wars that seem neverending, I WANT to know ... fuck. I don't know anymore. I just want to stop being the one sitting on the side of conversations wondering.... where did they learn all that? are they right? What's the other side of the issue?
Aaaaaaanyways... that's quite enough of that.
I have a scrabble date.
PS-I've fallen in love. His name is Sebastien and he has black hair and white whiskers. He is, right now, very stinky.
There is no conversation I get into now without realising how completly clueless I am on the whole topic. In any feild really. One of my profs has been lecturing on Post-colonialism lately, concentrating on first-nation issues last class. I'd never really understood the land conflict between first nation tribes and the governement, and I still don't. I'd always assumed it had to do with making right the inumberable historical wrongs our ancesters did to theirs. This has always made me uncomfortable because, well, lets face it, I'm pretty much a direct descendent of the french settlers who fucked the aboriginals over. To add insult to injury, I've always taken a certain amount of pride in my ancestry. All this to say, I never understood the first nation problem and usually dismissed it out of hand because of how uncomfortable it made me. I'd like to say that I realise now that that's wrong but to be honnest I'm not sure what it is that I realise now. This all comes back to the fact that I really just don't know anything on the subject. And quite frankly, this bothers me. I WANT to understand. Not just on this issue but many others. I WANT to know why my planet is going to shit, I WANT to know why people are dying everyday in wars that seem neverending, I WANT to know ... fuck. I don't know anymore. I just want to stop being the one sitting on the side of conversations wondering.... where did they learn all that? are they right? What's the other side of the issue?
Aaaaaaanyways... that's quite enough of that.
I have a scrabble date.
PS-I've fallen in love. His name is Sebastien and he has black hair and white whiskers. He is, right now, very stinky.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Princess and the Pea.
Do any of you remember that story? It's of this princess who sleeps on a bed and complains that the matress is lumpy. Someone stashed a pea under it so she can feel it. Anyways, she whines about it and her servants or something bring her matresses until the stack is like a hundred matresses tall and she can STILL feel the damn pea. Now I can't remember how the story ends, or who put the pea there or what the moral of the story was BUT I do remember how much my parents used to tease me about it. Whenever I would complain about something my parents would call me the princess and the pea. Now I can't remember if this was justified (I prefer to believe it wasn't) but I DO remember how much it bothered me. It usually made me complain more about how I was NOT the princess, it was just too HOT with these pyjamas on. Actually, I have no idea what a 6 year old me would complain about (other than a 4 year old brother).
Now that I think about it, that might have been a Robert Munch story.. I used to love him.
Anyways, I was just sitting here thinking: my feet are cold. My hands are dry and peeling. I don't want to sleep. I have to get up in 6 hours.
When really I should be thinking: I had such a nice day. I got to dance in my kitchen. This bed is awesome. This laptop is awesome. I have drawing class tomorrow. I LIKE drawing class. I live in montreal and it's fantastic.
See it? Who the fuck cares about the damn pea when you have a hundred god damn matresses.
I'm glad we had this chat.
Now that I think about it, that might have been a Robert Munch story.. I used to love him.
Anyways, I was just sitting here thinking: my feet are cold. My hands are dry and peeling. I don't want to sleep. I have to get up in 6 hours.
When really I should be thinking: I had such a nice day. I got to dance in my kitchen. This bed is awesome. This laptop is awesome. I have drawing class tomorrow. I LIKE drawing class. I live in montreal and it's fantastic.
See it? Who the fuck cares about the damn pea when you have a hundred god damn matresses.
I'm glad we had this chat.
Monday, January 01, 2007
2007 (aka 2006 plus one)
So here it is, what you've all be anxiously waiting for, my first post of year 2007.
I considered doing one of those year 2006 in review survey things and decided against it. Not on any moral grounds mind you, just on the grounds of not wanting it to be depressing as all hell. I had a good year but because I'm in a bit of a funk at the moment that would not be reflected.
I went to a new years party, more fun than most have been in the past. It's odd to see everyone coupled off though, like everyone was just waiting to hit university to become functional young adults with functional young adult relationships. Meanwhile, I could not form a functional relationship to save my life. I'll admit, being single amidst a sea of couples is not good for Emily's self esteem, especially not now. I'll also admit (and this is far more embarrassing so let's all keep in on the down low) that I usually have more fun at large parties when I have someone to flirt with or at the very least someone I could have a decent conversation with that could lead to ... well... anything other than sitting off on my own somewhere, really. All this gross mumbo-jombo having been said, I DID have fun last night and the following morning. but damn do I ever sound like a flighty bimbo...
While part of my current funk is due to last night's couple-fest-2006, it is MOSTLY due to the fact that my christmas vacation ends tomorrow morning. I'm not ready to go back to montreal, at all. I could use another week. Asides from having little concrete time to relax, I feel as though there are too many loose ends here. I can't help be feel as though I'd be more comfortable with leaving if I saw people like Alex, Lily, Ben and Emma one last time. I had two messy emotional talks planned in my head and neither of them happened which leaves me feeling like a wimp and a failure and I really wish I could have figured out a way for that to be resolved before I left again.
I'd like to say that last night I came to the realisation that maybe the best way to move on is to admit that there is nothing I can do anymore and it's just going to keep sucking until it stops. I'd like to say I figured that out last night because then that would mean that I can turn over a new leaf in this never ending freakin' melodrama. But the truth of the matter is that realised that a while ago and it just never really sinks in. I just keep having the same old epiphanies over and over again. Anyways, I guess I thought this break would bring some sort of closure or something, and while it did in a way, something is still lacking.
Heh... Tyler brought up the fact that I don't seem to hint at what I'm talking about on this blog thinger. While I agreed with her at the time, I can think of plenty of times where I just left things hanging... meh... Don't know where I was going with that.
In their 2006 recap surveys, both Rhonda and Viki said that my "behaviour merited celebration". To read that not once, but twice, struck me as funny that that was their perception of my behaviour in the past year. MY perception (and again, maybe I shouldnt be addressing this in my current mindframe) is that I constantly shot myself in the foot with work, relationships.... not so much school.... regardless of how I dealt with whatever situation I was in, they were all my own creation...
This is the part where I re-read my last paragraph and remind myself and you that I got no more than 3 hours of interrupted sleep on a couch last night, so I take no responsibility about how little that made sense.
I think I might take my leave of y'all now.
But seriously? 2006 was probably one of the most important years of my life. Let's have another, shall we?
I considered doing one of those year 2006 in review survey things and decided against it. Not on any moral grounds mind you, just on the grounds of not wanting it to be depressing as all hell. I had a good year but because I'm in a bit of a funk at the moment that would not be reflected.
I went to a new years party, more fun than most have been in the past. It's odd to see everyone coupled off though, like everyone was just waiting to hit university to become functional young adults with functional young adult relationships. Meanwhile, I could not form a functional relationship to save my life. I'll admit, being single amidst a sea of couples is not good for Emily's self esteem, especially not now. I'll also admit (and this is far more embarrassing so let's all keep in on the down low) that I usually have more fun at large parties when I have someone to flirt with or at the very least someone I could have a decent conversation with that could lead to ... well... anything other than sitting off on my own somewhere, really. All this gross mumbo-jombo having been said, I DID have fun last night and the following morning. but damn do I ever sound like a flighty bimbo...
While part of my current funk is due to last night's couple-fest-2006, it is MOSTLY due to the fact that my christmas vacation ends tomorrow morning. I'm not ready to go back to montreal, at all. I could use another week. Asides from having little concrete time to relax, I feel as though there are too many loose ends here. I can't help be feel as though I'd be more comfortable with leaving if I saw people like Alex, Lily, Ben and Emma one last time. I had two messy emotional talks planned in my head and neither of them happened which leaves me feeling like a wimp and a failure and I really wish I could have figured out a way for that to be resolved before I left again.
I'd like to say that last night I came to the realisation that maybe the best way to move on is to admit that there is nothing I can do anymore and it's just going to keep sucking until it stops. I'd like to say I figured that out last night because then that would mean that I can turn over a new leaf in this never ending freakin' melodrama. But the truth of the matter is that realised that a while ago and it just never really sinks in. I just keep having the same old epiphanies over and over again. Anyways, I guess I thought this break would bring some sort of closure or something, and while it did in a way, something is still lacking.
Heh... Tyler brought up the fact that I don't seem to hint at what I'm talking about on this blog thinger. While I agreed with her at the time, I can think of plenty of times where I just left things hanging... meh... Don't know where I was going with that.
In their 2006 recap surveys, both Rhonda and Viki said that my "behaviour merited celebration". To read that not once, but twice, struck me as funny that that was their perception of my behaviour in the past year. MY perception (and again, maybe I shouldnt be addressing this in my current mindframe) is that I constantly shot myself in the foot with work, relationships.... not so much school.... regardless of how I dealt with whatever situation I was in, they were all my own creation...
This is the part where I re-read my last paragraph and remind myself and you that I got no more than 3 hours of interrupted sleep on a couch last night, so I take no responsibility about how little that made sense.
I think I might take my leave of y'all now.
But seriously? 2006 was probably one of the most important years of my life. Let's have another, shall we?
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