2007 (aka 2006 plus one)

So here it is, what you've all be anxiously waiting for, my first post of year 2007.

I considered doing one of those year 2006 in review survey things and decided against it. Not on any moral grounds mind you, just on the grounds of not wanting it to be depressing as all hell. I had a good year but because I'm in a bit of a funk at the moment that would not be reflected.

I went to a new years party, more fun than most have been in the past. It's odd to see everyone coupled off though, like everyone was just waiting to hit university to become functional young adults with functional young adult relationships. Meanwhile, I could not form a functional relationship to save my life. I'll admit, being single amidst a sea of couples is not good for Emily's self esteem, especially not now. I'll also admit (and this is far more embarrassing so let's all keep in on the down low) that I usually have more fun at large parties when I have someone to flirt with or at the very least someone I could have a decent conversation with that could lead to ... well... anything other than sitting off on my own somewhere, really. All this gross mumbo-jombo having been said, I DID have fun last night and the following morning. but damn do I ever sound like a flighty bimbo...

While part of my current funk is due to last night's couple-fest-2006, it is MOSTLY due to the fact that my christmas vacation ends tomorrow morning. I'm not ready to go back to montreal, at all. I could use another week. Asides from having little concrete time to relax, I feel as though there are too many loose ends here. I can't help be feel as though I'd be more comfortable with leaving if I saw people like Alex, Lily, Ben and Emma one last time. I had two messy emotional talks planned in my head and neither of them happened which leaves me feeling like a wimp and a failure and I really wish I could have figured out a way for that to be resolved before I left again.

I'd like to say that last night I came to the realisation that maybe the best way to move on is to admit that there is nothing I can do anymore and it's just going to keep sucking until it stops. I'd like to say I figured that out last night because then that would mean that I can turn over a new leaf in this never ending freakin' melodrama. But the truth of the matter is that realised that a while ago and it just never really sinks in. I just keep having the same old epiphanies over and over again. Anyways, I guess I thought this break would bring some sort of closure or something, and while it did in a way, something is still lacking.

Heh... Tyler brought up the fact that I don't seem to hint at what I'm talking about on this blog thinger. While I agreed with her at the time, I can think of plenty of times where I just left things hanging... meh... Don't know where I was going with that.

In their 2006 recap surveys, both Rhonda and Viki said that my "behaviour merited celebration". To read that not once, but twice, struck me as funny that that was their perception of my behaviour in the past year. MY perception (and again, maybe I shouldnt be addressing this in my current mindframe) is that I constantly shot myself in the foot with work, relationships.... not so much school.... regardless of how I dealt with whatever situation I was in, they were all my own creation...

This is the part where I re-read my last paragraph and remind myself and you that I got no more than 3 hours of interrupted sleep on a couch last night, so I take no responsibility about how little that made sense.

I think I might take my leave of y'all now.

But seriously? 2006 was probably one of the most important years of my life. Let's have another, shall we?