picture this....

me sitting in bed, covered in blankets, still in my pyjamas, reading a book.getting to the end of a page, i cock an eyebrow at the turn of events in the book. i eagerly turn the page. at this point my jaw drops. i think i may have uttered some profanity. the next page held, i kid you not, the freakin glossary. in other words, the book was over. this may have been the most cruel cliffhanger i have ever experienced in a book and i have gon through a couple of unpleasant ones in my reading past. i then proceeded to smack the book against my legs. i went to check on the writer's web site and as i suspected, the next book wont be out for another year or so... oh how i hate you tamora pierce...

pet peeves

when people think only of themselves. this sounds very vague, i know. but i hate people who dont take the time to look at it from another's perspective and assume that everyone is out to get them or everything is a deliberate atempt to get THEM.

people arent toys. you cant use them and hope they wont notice. if you cant chose between two people, then you respect the both of them and stay away until you CAN pick. no one has the right to make two people fight over them or at least believe they have to. you cant judge others? fuck that. am i just breaking my "put yourself in others shoes" rule that i just stated? no, because honnestly there is no excuse for this kind of behaviour. none whatsoever. it honnestly makes me sick, more than some retarded joke. you know whats worse? i cant even really step in, because it isnt my place. i'm on the outside and i have no influence.

christ, sometimes i wish i could just cut people from my life. i'm not saying certain people, i'm saying everyone. there, i could sit in my own isolated spot and just be me on my own. nothing expected from me and with no expectations. just me and my thoughts and whatever else i feel like doing.

i had more, i always do, but... i'm just really annoyed. people dont deserve the treatment others give them. why are we so mean to eachother? why IS there revenge? i was always of the opinion that things happen for a reason but some things just go beyond me.

you know, i could be a very spiritual person if i wanted to. i believe in fate and things happening for a reason. i trully believe that you are MEANT to be with a person and that eventually you will end up with them. do i believe in soulmates? i dont know... i guess it depends on your defenition of soulmates. perhaps it could be someone who knows your inner self as much, if not better, than their own. i guess that yes, i could believe that one person has the ability to TRULLY understand you like no other could. i dont think i could ever believe in a certain religion though. dont get me wrong, i have immense respect for those who dedicate themselves the true meaning of their religion ( i say true, i have no respect for suicide bombers because i find it hard to believe that a religion's original purpose was to murder innocent people).the idea of belonging to a religious group is wonderful to me, and it would almost be worth trying just for that incredible sense of community. but like i said, i dont think i could ever believe in any god and so i could never join because i couldnt dedicate such a big part of my life to what would be for me, a lie. this is an overdone excuse i know, but i find it impossible to wrap my mind around the fact that out of the hundreds of faiths out there, that anyone can claim that only ONE is right. thats right up there with saying that in the universe of billions upon billions upon billions of planets, earth is the only life bearing one(yes, i do believe in alien life. whether they've been here or not is a completly different matter). see, my spiritual side and my science side clash to much. from a scientific, or logical rather, point of view, it all seems so improbable. well then, now that you all know my theological views...


i'm not a mind reader although i wish i were... it annoys me when people are upset but you dont notice their subtle hints and then get mad at you for not being supportive. i'm not talking about anything in particular rght now, i'm just saying... we aint mind readers, dont be mad if we dont get you "code".




oh yeah, and alex, that was freakin hilarious.

note to viki:

your half eaten candy cane is sitting in front of me on the desk...

note to jacqui:

i wasnt actually serious, thats only what happens when i decide to write a blog at 2 in the morning on christmas eve. thank you fo the information anyways, it's always nice to learn stuff :)

would you like some cheese with that whine? (it's a pun, get it? get it? GET IT???)

i am sitting here in the most confortable pyjamas ever, wanting to do nothing except lie in bed and read all day, perhaps shower later and eat a little only to continue doing nothing afterwards.


but no, i have to shower NOW get dressed NOW, eat NOW and go to work... NOW.... poo... when i say now, i say all in a space of half an hour... obviously...



everyone enjoy your slack days you lazy shmucks...

to those who are working, i feel for you.





alot.



wanting to be as unproductive as possible,

emily

bah humbug OR back fiends, back! OR tis the season to be jolly OR just a plain old merry christmas

any one of those could have been my title for tonight but i couldnt decide because, well... i'm indecisif. people have been getting on my case about not writing in here. to these people i say... bite me. see, i write when i have stuff to write. if i force myself to write just for the sake of making people happy, the result is junky mumbling that makes no one happy.

you know, today is the first day that i felt the least bit christmas-y. the DAY BEFORE the 25th. sheesh... i AM the master of procrastination so perhaps it could be excused. alot of things in my life are a result of procrastination. this blog for example. i do believe i was supposed to be doing homework when i started it... ah the good ole days.

well, according to viki i was THE cutest cross-eyed child. yes, thats right, i was cross-eyed for some time... it's my dirty little secret. in fact i had three eye opperations before i was the age of 7 i think... 1 on one eye, 1 on the other and the last one to fix their horribly mistake in the second one (you may think i'm kidding, but i'm not). when i think of it now, i'm glad i was a child when it happened. i really didnt know what was going on so i didnt know enough to be freaked out. if it was happenning now all i could think of is what would happen if they slipped and punctured my eye or something like that... i'm sure i could find dozens of horrible things that could go wrong with the opperation now a days... the thing i remember most about the opperations was the sleeping gas. horrible stuff that is... absolutly horrible.... it has this absolutly revolting smell that is so strong it almost has a taste and to this day i can still smell it. it's what the colour pink would smell like if it had a smell... i cant really describe it... i guess you can say it's really really sweet.... some public bathrooms have cleaners or some sort of perfume that smells like it. it makes me want to be physicallly ill.

but enough about that and on the the true meaning of christmas... christmas or, Christ-Mas. (okay, i'm insane i know, just bear with me here). the important word here is Christ. his birthday (Birth- Date or the date of his birth). on birthdays you're supposed to give presents to the birthday boy or girl. so doesnt this mean we should be showering jesus with gifts? but somehow this turned into the holiday where EVERYONE gets presents... way to not make him feel special. infact... think about it, if on your birthday EVERYONE else got presents at the same time as you, wouldnt that make you not special in the least? so therefore, your birthday would be meaningless and you would be no more important than any other random shmuck. so you COULD say, that but making jesus's birthday a day of gift giving for everyone, we are in fact undermining how much better he is than us. in fact, you could alse argue that you are insulting his memory with every gift you give since you are saying that everyone else is just as good as christ himself therefore belittling him. shame on us all. it's his birthday for pete's sake, the least we can do is give him a bit of recognition... poor fellah, i bet his sniffling away up in heaven mumbling about us ingrates. now why doesnt he just get god to smite us down? well it's quite simple, we pretend that the entire holiday is dedicated to His birth so he cant crush us now until he gets actuall proof of our treason.

little work of advice: my dad used to, way back when(before i was born), own a motorcyle. the other day he was going through old pictures that had been sitting in a box in our closet for 20 years (probably longer) and he found a picture of the old bike. i could tell that he had been quite fond of it. because of this (and my complete lack of money) i decided to sketch him the picture of the bike. now here comes the advice: next time you decide to draw a motorcycle for your nostalgic dad, dont. it's almost easier to just BUY him one....

anywho, i have to finish the drawing, wrap it, go to bed then et up at some point tomorrow (likely when my brother comes in and wakes me up...)

so, i would like to wish you all from the bottom of my heart a very very very very Merry Christmas

and to all a good night :)

deadline or crunch or where the hell did all my time go?

as the title says, i'm pressed for time, so obviously i'm wasting it here... i just realised christmas is in under a week. i am dissapointed to say i dont feel even the slightest bit of christmas spirit... i'm going to have to dig out some x-mas tunes or else i'll be doomed.

last night i had pages and pages of things to write but i was too tired and so i didnt. now i'm not sure what i thought i had to write, i sure as hell cant think of anything... i guess i could start with an update on the watercolor i'm doing for my grandparents: COMPLETE CRAP. it's going slow and shitty, thats how its going.. ugh, and i'm supposed to finish it for today... joy... so much for all of these artistic "skills" i'm supposed to have... ugh...

you know what, i really have nothing to say, maybe it'll come to me or something but i think i'm just going to take a shower...

reminiscing... reminissing... remenissing... uumm... you get the point...

for christmas, i planned to do a water colour of my granparent's cottage since they are very much in love with the place and with anything their grandchildren make. in order to do this, i needed a picture of the place. so i went to the picture box. now, most dissorganized people keep their pictures in a shoebox or just in a pile in a drawer (*cough*viki*cough*). now, my family has an entire level of dissorganization all to themselves. my dad likes taking pictures, as a result, we have a lot of them. we have a large tupperware storage bin filled with envellopes and about 3 shoe boxes of picture. actually, most of them arent even in the shoeboxes but still in the package thingy they came in. i kid you not, we have about 20 years worth of pictures of every vacation, holiday gathering, birthday and major event that has happened in those 20 years. the only exception is the 3 photo albums of baby pictures of me and my brother. this doesnt last past my brothers second year, at the most. now my brother is... 15, which means we have 13 YEARS worth of pictures of me and my brother in that box. so everytime anyone has to find a specific picture or has to find anything in that box, they have to shift through countless pictures of camping trips, trips to the zoo, christmases and so on and so forth. i, for one, cannot go into that box without spending an hour smiling over all the picture of me and my brother. we were THE cutest kids. there is only about a year and a half between the two of us and my um... smaller than average size is not something new so we always looked pretty close in age in those days. more than once people thought we might be twins. anyways, all this to say, it took me an hour to find the pictures i was looking for and i didnt even find one of the cottage so i have to settle with picture of the view from the cottage. oh well, it'll have to do.

i have to get started folks, so... tata for now.

ok, now that was odd...

alright guys, i just had the weirdest thing happen to me...

i took the bus from the aylmer mall home today(i had to do stuff at the bank). when i got on, i saw this guy sitting in the corner. now i've seen hi,m before, he takes the same bus as me (good ole 49)but this time, he was just staring at me as i got on. i mean, i looked at him when i got on but he was REALLY starring. i sat behind him on an angle. the thing is, he looks really familiar. like i used to know him or he reminds me of someone i sorta know.i cant figure it out. so as usual i was looking out the window onthe bus, and when i turned around i caught him again and he turned away really fast. he's around my age i'm guessing. it wasnt even a creapy kind of stare, just weird, like he was trying to figure out where he knew me from too. you know, if it had been some creepy derranged type i probably would have been less weirded out. more creaped out, but it would make more sense to me. anways, he watched me get off the bus and was watching me when i was walking away from the stop as the bus drove away. i was really tempted to just go ask him if i knew him or not, because i was really curious. but you know, i'm a whimp, what can i say...


on another note, on the lord of the rings topic, i'm apparently not as screwed as i thought i was. about a third of the entire book is annexes and appendixes and such. so i probably only have a day or two left of reading (depending on how much i actually read in a day...)

there is hope afterall!

peroxi-wha?

like i said last night, the cleaning lady is here now. as also explained, she is downstairs while i am upstairs. earlier she cam rushing up asking me if i had peroxide or anything else to clean cuts. i stared at her blankly. i couldnt for the life of me anwser. she explained that she had cut her eyebrow on a srcew sticking out from the un-assembled mantle piece sitting in the corner of the family room. apparently there are big long screws sticking out and when she straightened up for vaccuming under a something or other, the screw clipped her on the eyebrow. she informed me that this thing was dangerous and that she was lucky that she hadnt lost an eye, it came so close. i refrained from informing her that we had no reason to go in that particular corner of the room and we generally stayed AWAY from the inch long screws. so i searched through all our bathroom cabinet cupboards searching for ANYTHING that could clean her cut. apparently we dont own any dis-infectants. she asked me what we did when we cut ourselves. this question too caught me off-guard. what DID we do? i guess we just... bled until.... it... stopped... what about infection one might ask? well, on that side, i guess we just all die from all the diseases waiting to spring into our cuts. i figure, the body can handle itself... thats what bleeding is for you know, to clean out the cut. all this to say, in a household of relatively accident accident prone people and my mom being an ex-nurse and everything, we have no disinfectants and last i checked, we have no band-aids either....


dont i feel safe.

ok, i'm done

alright, i'm okay. no more from me.

my mom asked me for a christmas list so she could "give it to santa" (rolls eyes)

just a sec, i have to go clean up dog puke and take him out for a pee. too much information? too bad, at least you're not the one doing it...aaaand back.
well, a few things that made those two tasks even more annoying then they already are.
1. it's fucking cold out. you try and stand there while your indesicive dog sniff every tree and bush withtin reach.
2. he barfed on his bed
3. barf is just plain icky whether it comes from people or dogs. it just speaks for itself.

i just did today's puzzle from shockwave. considering it took me two days to do yesterday's and about 20 minutes to do today's, i was slightly dissapointed. the best are the ones that you look at, and every peice looks EXACTLY the same, and you're thinking: there is no way i am ever going to get this. it's impossible. then SOMEHOW, through some mysterious phenomena you get it done. and then when you're done, it's an actual accomplishement. as opposed to the easy ones which are more of a mindless relaxer.

right, so enough on puzzles... tomorrow i get to sleep in... weeee! well, sort of... i have to work around the cleaning lady (when she's downstairs, i stay upstairs and vice versa). lucky for me, she usually starts downstairs. so that buys me an extra hour or two. i think i'll read tomorrow... i have to finish lord of the rings: return of the king by next week. it's taken me about a bit over a month to get halfway, i'm thinking i can do about the same amount of reading in 4-5 days... yeah, i can do it. i'll have some more free time. all my real exams are over (i say real because all i have left is theatre, we all know that THEATRE isnt a REAL class... it's the punchline to a joke. someone asks you what your class is and you say theatre and then we all laugh and laugh... sigh, the good old times).

EVERYONE, Hard Wired by tracy chapman.
Download it.
listen to it.
GOOD SONG.

"your thoughts desires and wishes, will be duely noted"

(i know i didnt spell duely (dully?) right, but what more do you want from me?)

*twitch*

i like to believe i have self restraint. i may NOT, but i like to believe i do.

and for this reason, i will RESTRAIN from saying a few things because even though this blog is mainly for me, some people do read it and it would be unfair to ACCUSE anyone of anything in so public a place where it is impossible for them to DEFEND themselves. actually... this is kind of along the same lines as talking behind someone's back except here you actually know it's being done. well, enough said on that.

dont you wish you could shake people sometimes?


...


sorry, i said ENOUGH on that...


but really, there are two sides to every story!








ok ok! i'm over it, it's over... no biggy...







AAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!










okay so maybe i'll try again later when i have OTHER things on my mind...

baked

today, i slacked.

i watched some bad arnold movies (my brother has been sick and he keeps renting them to keep himself occupied. being the person with no life that i am, i've been watching a few too), went online, sat down to study some chem, fell asleep on my textbook, woke up, studied some, took an extented break (which i am now on), watched some tv wrapped in a sleeping bag curled up in front of the fireplace. thus the "baked" bit. i feel like i've been sitting in an oven (i feel i should mention i'm wearing excessive amounts of clothing as well). it was SO warm and cozy. i honnestly could have sat there for hours. but my mom asked me to get some potatoes from the basement fridge (the bribe: she's going to roast them... mmmm roasted potatoes...) so while i was up, i figured i might as well stay up since if i go back, i'll stay there until i die.

i had another conversation will bill couch today. as it turns out my lit mark will be in the mid 70s apparently... he said i could have done much better if i hadnt slacked off (paraphrasing). he's probably(PROBABLY?) very right. he then asked me if i had ever considered that i wasnt much of a science person. i almost laughed right in his face, right there. he also said some stuff about me seeming distracted. thats probably true too. although to be honnest, i have nothing to be distracted about. well, no more than the next person. aaaaaanywho, that and the cal exam left me in a thoroughly depressed mood. the cal exam could have gone worse i guess... i PROBABLY passed... and all needed was a 50% to pass the year. it's kinda sad when you're almost worried about getting a fifty.... well, to continue on, when i got on the bus, i was feeling in a less than sociable mood, to say the least, so i tried to find the spot that would require as little social interraction as possible. i sat next to a guy wearing a fitted black trench coat buttoned up all the way to his neck. VERY keanu reeves. and what are the odds that about 20 minutes after the first Matrix fan got off the bus, a second guy, in what i could have sworn was an IDENTICAL trench coat, walked on. very weird.


i'm starting to get a little nervous. i vowed that the next post i put up i would first do on word but i forgot this time. i'm thinking i should post this now before it goes crazy on me again



aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand.... POST.

of many a thing...

msn is stupid. i keep signing out then it logs me in again . i dont get it. so when i get back to my computer, i have many messages of irrate people thinking i am ignoring them when IN FACT, msn is insane or someone in my household is randomly going around signing me in. quite frankly i dont think anyone cares enough to do that.

as for the last post that got erased, i sumed it up to someone on msn, so here is the abreviated version:

i learnt something about someone i'm pretty close to recebtly. she was telling me about all the things she's done drunk or high and the jokes she has with her friends. you know, the kind of things you would never want to know about this person you've known since birth basically. anyways, i always suspected it, especially after this summer, but i never really KNEW how much she'd done. i never really thought i would want to know. but after we talked for awhile and she told me all about it, it really didnt matter. i mean, she's still
the same person i've know for as long as i can remember. this doesnt change anything.

Then i went on a shpeel about people who dont do drugs for personal reasons but claim they dont mind when other people do it. i always found that most of the time, these people do actually think less of drug users (i'm not talking about heavy use, just once and a while) personaly, i think basing your opinion on casual drug use is a bad judge of character. it doesnt change the part of the person that really matters. it doesnt make them less of a good person, just the type of person who enjoys a different type of experience. it goes both ways. a person cant look down on someone because they dont do drugs.

then i was talking about how last year my marks were usually up in the 80s and stuff like 70s werent all that great. now, 70s is the stuff i get on a GOOD day... and if you would have asked me last year, the idea of that would have seemed horrible, but now i'm just accepting it. i know i shouldnt, and that i should probably try and work harder and bring my marks up but... i just lack the
motivation. i'll just settle with not hating myself for having lower marks. now i know how people would feel when i would gripe over a 78.
aaaaand.... that was about the jist of it. there was more in it, but i cant remember.


you know, during my philosophy exam i wastd about 30 minutes today drawing in the margin. DURING THE FREAKIN EXAM. someone shoot me now, i have the attention span of peanut.

SCREW, may i add, YOU.

this about sums it up:

em (ok, thats enough of that...) says:
FUCK!!!
em (ok, thats enough of that...) says:
check my blog
em (ok, thats enough of that...) says:
please
em (ok, thats enough of that...) says:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Viki says:
wah?
Viki says:
did you just write this really long entry?
Viki says:
and it got erased?
em (ok, thats enough of that...) says:
yes.
em (ok, thats enough of that...) says:
really really long.
Viki says:
well all's you can do is try again.
em (ok, thats enough of that...) says:
i've been waiting to write it all day, and then i did, and it was REALLY good, and now it's gone and i absolutly hate blogger and i'm going to cry because there is no way in hell i am doing it again


i absolutly give up.

addition: i'm a loser baby, so why dont you shoot me

i just went through all my posts (it turns out there are alot of them...) because i could have sworn i had used the title "urgh" before. as it turns out, the closest i've come is "ugh... i'm sick".


so there you have it. unless you dont trust me and want to check yourself




in which case....







by all means....






feel free...






no one is stopping you







go ahead







ok




i'm done now








for real







g'night




sigh, i'm a loser baby, so why dont you shoot me

urgh

i've been studying for the past little while, and up until a few minutes ago, i thought i would be okay with biology. everything i had studied so far i felt confident i now knew and could more or less remember when i got to the exams. until i got to the section on DNA sturcture and function. i just remembered how much studying went into remembering the vaguest concepts the first time around. the thought of getting into it now was so discouraging that i just came here. my saviour, my mental organiser. not really, it's more of the trash cans. i just get rid of a few random thoughts so that they stop plaguing my mind.

working is scary. so many people trusting you with their money or credit crads and whatever. what if i accidentaly charge them too much and dont notice? what if i give back too much change and end up costing the company hundreds of dollars because i'm horrible at cash and because i keep dropping ice cream. stupid vanilla... it's all hard and stuf... pisses me off. especially since it's sitting right next to the annoyingly soft rollo flavour. they should merge and form the ultimate ice cream.... but they wont, because no one EVER listens to ME...

*enter disgusting cough here*

yeah, that's right, i'm coughing. you know why? yeah, i'm SICK. luckily i'm a liar and i WONT actually shoot myself, that would be too much of a shame. to be fair, i dont feel all that sick, just coughing somewhat.

i've decided my family is odd. that is the only word for it, odd. ever since i got the job, they seem to think everything i do will get me fired. also, they keep suggesting things that can get me ahead. like offering to stick around and watch them close up the store so that i can learn how for next time DESPITE the fact that i'm not schedualed for closing. then, so that "i'm not late for work", my dad brings home this lime green zipper pull watch(you put it on your zipper). what the hell am i supposed to such a thing? it's hanging on my purse right now, it's the best thing i could think off. they just got it so i couldnt ask for a new watch, i'm sure. AND THEN, my mom goes out and looks for black shoes for me becase i "wont have time to shop for some". so she goes to WALLMART, picks up two of the most revolting black pair you could ever find (well, one of them wasnt THAT bad) and brings them home for me to try. they both had instant blister potential. this means had i worn them for more than an hour, my feet would have been happier in walking over hot coals.

we taught my dog a new trick. you have to say really eagerly "where are the squirels? get the squirels nicky!" at this point he gets all excited and runs around the house barking. the more you say it, the louder he gets. it's a wonderfull party trick if you want to annoy the hell out of everyone (like my mom). the only problem is that it's really hard to get him to stop after. he enjoys it too much i think. i guess i should explain the background to this one. you see, my mom usually puts up a birdfeeder in the back during the winter. i say usually because sometimes she gives up when the squirels eat all the food. so one day she firgues that it's about time my dog starts pulling his weight around the house. so whenever she's inside and she sees squirels in the bird feeder, she'll point it out to the dog, who will then louddly try to scare away the "intruders". it's gotten to the poitn where you just have to ask him to "find the squirels" and he will make as much noise as his little doggy lungs will allow him. it's great fun.

decisions decisions... do i get up at 7 to catch the bus at 8 to get to school at 9 to spend hours studying before my 2:30 bio test or do i get up at 9 to catch the bus at 10 to get to school at 11 or do i stay at home and study until 2 then get a ride in just in time for the exam. he first one will likely get me the most studying, the last will get me the most sleep and the one in the middle will be an even mix of the two...
why do i have to be so... responsible perhaps? i'll probably end up doing the first one and not studying at all once i get to school...


ugh



i hate exams....

note to anyone who cares:

i will personally shoot ANYONE who says i have no self control...

if i get sick anyways i will personally shoot myself.

crack doggy.

so i'm sitting at the computer in the basement and i hear
*click*click*click*click*click*click*click*pause*

now this sounded remarkably like my dog walking on the floor of the room he's not aloud in.

so i turn around.

and he's standing there staring at the back of my head.

he sees me, turns around and bolts out of the room.

i think this was his version of sneaking into the room... good job buddy.





like i said, my dog is on crack

i'm hyper hyper hyper

and a little giggly. i'm in a good mood. i have no idea why. i actually enjoyed helpng my brother with chemistry. maybe it's the fact that it was something so easy it was a relieve to know that i can at least do SOMETHING right when it comes to chemistry. but that almost sounds unhappy, which i'm not in the least. i was also laughing at allmy brother's little stupid comments, another indication of my good mood. i've decided that there is absolutly no correlation between what happened during the day and my mood. it's completly random. random random random.

you know whats great about sugar pie? the sugar. there is just so much of it and it's oh so good. WOAH! maybe THATS why i'm hyper! a sugar high! i havent had one of those in FOREVER! that is so cool... this should go into the "blast from the past" category.

i'm getting my blink fix. i've listenned to the entire cd about 4 times in the past 2 days. it's quite awesome. i'd like to thank pat for giving me this oppertunity.
i think i may take my dog for a run... i really feal like runing... i probably wont, seing as how it's cold out and i'm lazy and such, but i really wish i would.

of journals and lit teachers.

for litterature, we were supposed to keep a journal. like basically everyone else, i moaned and groaned at this prospect. then i actually started it and i LOVED it. i wrote long entries, a page or two long almost everyday. then i slowly started writing on this thing and this kind of rplaced the journal. but thats okay, since he accepted this as a form of journal.

he told me i have talent for writing. now this is by no means bragging (if it were bragging i'd have to actually BELIEVE him). he told me my writing seemed to focuse me. i found this kinda funny since most of the time my entries are so scatterbrained it's not even funny. what he said next was even funnier. he suggested i take this writing thing further, that i might actually have a future in it. now the funny part in this is not that i wouldnt enjoy it, it's more that i'm so completely and utterly lost with TWO possible career paths that the prospect of having anther option thrown into the mix makes me want to cry. god, can you imagine it? Me. writing for a LIVING. i couldnt do it. i'd lack the motivation. however, i have always wanted to write a book... (did i mention this before? i may have...) but i dont want to base my whole carreer around it... i dont want to base my entire carreer around ANYTHING!

so in conclusion.... well... bleh. blink is cool. so there.

fecking chain mail...

i swear to god. these things PISS ME OFF.
lets take a look at this scenario shall we: little girl dying of a rare type of cancer (we later find out it's LUNG CANCEr. i dont know about you, but *I*sure have never heard of THAT one before...). her dying wish is to send out a CHAIN LETTER to tell people to live thier life out to their fullest. but wait, theres a catch. she might not ACTUALLY be dying, there COULD be a cure. so all we have to do, is send on this chain letter and the american cancer society will donate 6 cents for eveery person its sent to.they conclude by adding on the nice little guilt factor of " if you dont take time to do this, you are one sick puppy" shpeal. well i for one, would like to say i RESENT this. no, i am INSULTED by it.
think about. you have a society who's GOAL is to cure cancer. they are apparently, sitting on a large sum of money that could potentially be spent on CURING cancer. but they would rather make it some sort of sick contest. hey! lets place little suzie's fate (and the fate of milion others) in the hands of a FREAKIN CHAIN LETTER. hey sick kids! here's milions of dollars! but you cant have it unless a bunch of strangers blindly forward this chain letter (which we are, by the way, tracking how many people receive it using the MAGICAL EMAIL FAIRIES) to another bunch of strangers.

so excuse me if i DO NOT forward this email to save sick kids from cancer because quite frankly i think it's sick people would use something like this to get their idiotic letter forwarded around the world.

now if you agree with me:
send this to 1-5 people and you'll be a retard
send this to 5-10 people and you'll be a complete retard
send this to 10-15 people and you are so insanely retarded that you're beyond any form of hope.

no, i'm NOT in a bad mood, but shit like this pisses me off....

blast from the past

yesterday was so odd... well, the first half of my day was anyways. i woke up to the phone ringing.since no one seemed to be inclined to pick up, i reluctantly anwsered, but the machine clicked on and i didnt feel like dealing with it so i hung up and went back to sleep. the phone started ringing again. i anwsered on time this time. someone asking for my mom. i took a message. i got up and searched the house. no one. no mom, no dad no brother. no cars in the driveway. it was quarter after 9. the phone rang again and i had to explain to the person looking for my mom, that i didnt know where she was, and no, i didnt know when she'd be back but yes, i'd take a message. now thouroughly irrated at being woken up and not finding my family anywhere (not even a note) i couldnt go back to sleep. so i watched tv. saturday morning tv. the kid shows with low budget type. it was wonderful (not the tv). i was curled up on the couch, it was snowing outside, i had nothing pressing to do... pure relaxasion. it just seemed like such a thing i would be doing when i was a little kid. get up early on weekends to watch cartoons.

the i went to rideau and i rejoined normal time.

i think i should win the loser record. only *I* could miss my bus and be late for my very first job interview ever.

and STILL get the job. go figure. so yeah, i am now a Laura Secord employee. exciting, i know.

alright, time to go waste my time doing other random things

12 empty cans of pop around the room, 12 empty cans of pop... you take one down, you pass it around, 11 empty cans of pop around the room.

how can a handfull of people drink so much? sigh, i should clean this up... but it can wait til morning...


new record: title longer than actual post.

oh dear god.

it's 2 am.
tomorrow(ok, today), i have to get up, go to school and finish (ok, START) a calculus assignment and get it done in 2 hours.

27 pages. twenty fucking seven pages.

what the hell, why is here a christmas song playing on my playlist? fucking hell...

i must get vulgar when i'm tired...

the fore mentioned walk in the woods

i used to know all the paths in the woods at the end of my street like the back of my hand. i still remember them. they all had something different to offer. some gave you a good hour walk through peacefull feilds and tall bushes and/or short trees. another brought you to the middle of a cedar grove that was so thick at the top, all of the vegetayion at the bottom was dead so that you really didnt need paths. one brought you out to the big antenna. one brought you through a muddy path by some old rusted cars that, until recently, i didnt know where it finished. plus countless others that went nowhere in particular except perhaps to a firepit, the likely spots for bush parties probably. bu now they're all covered by houses. and the suburbs expand...

some of the paths still exist, but they are changed. you can now see the houses if you look hard enough through the naked tree branches. you have to ignore the random rock dump offs and clearings. near the park around the block from my house there used to be a drainage ditch. manmade, it was dug into the solid rock almost. one side had more of a gradual slope full of wildflowers or weeds, depending on your point of view. the other side of the creek/ ditch was an 8 foot rock drop, which looked quite like a cliff back in the day. at the end of the ditch, there was a drainage grate that went into a tunnel. water tended to collect here, stagnating into some green-ish slop. this is where we would catch frogs. at a right angle to this, there was another creek/ditch that usually ran dry during the summer. up on side of it the was a rather steep rocky slope and and the forest ended right at its edge. in the spring or fall, the runnoff from the woods would make a cascade of sorts into the ditch. i was our own little water fall. i rember spending a day scalling the thing, cutting off one flow, making another, and just generally getting ourselves filthy. over the years there were a few forts... not many and they never lasted long but a club or secret society usually came with them. i remember once, after a big downpour, a little valley or gulley or whatever, turned into a full pond. i can really remember spending the day, which had been picture perfect sunny, lounging on the big boulders along the side and in the middle of the new pond. the water didnt stay long and every time we would go back after any rain, soemhow the phenomena never repeated itself.

i still remember when they first started building the houses. the amounts of trees completly butchered. there was one along one of the main paths. a white pine, one of the only substancially sized ones in the area. it was huge. perfect climbing tree too. someone had built a ladder up to a small platform at some point. when they started clearing back there, we had hoped that somehow it would make it. but it didnt. during a walk we found it sliced up and neatly piled up along the path, along with all the other smaller trees. it was such a waste. i almost cried whenever i went back there the first few times. eventually, you get desensitized. i still cant help but feel like half my childhood is under the brand new houses with spotless lawns, hardly a tree in sight.

progress, i know. where would we get if we just kept hugging our trees? living all in the same little box? why, that would be ridiculous! i also know that beneath my house, there's probaly someone else's childhood playground. i guess nothing can stay the same forever. eh?

i'm sorry if this was too "melodramatic" or depressing or whatever... i just forget how great that place used to be then suddenly remember. i figure it shouldn't have ALL gone to waste, at least some writing can come from it...

quick note before bed

it's late.
i need sleep.
i have to get up in the morning, go to school.
i need to go to bed.

and yet, here i am!
i realised today that i am more comfortable interracting with guys. i dont know why. i'm not saying there arent exceptions to the rule(there are a few biggies) but on a whole, most of my close friends are guys. go figure... maybe it's just a coincidence and i'm reading too much into things, but i always remember preferring playing with the boys. you know, while the girls would be playing house, i'd be playing army guys with the boys. there a little bit of information few of you would know. actually, now that i think of it, it was about 50-50. i had friends i hung around during school (girls) and friends after school when i went to the deycare(mostly guys). or at least, they were the ones i enjoyed more being around most.

didnt i say in my last post that i was really girly? yeah, i did. well, thats true too. i guess you could say i'm well balanced. or insane or having an identity crisis.... it all works out to the same end result: ME.

remind me to tell you about my walk in the woods.... i have alot to say about that.

nighty night folks
~em

the dangers of starcraft

i hadnt played in a while... a long while actually, so when sean proposed a game, i forgot how addictive it was. i think we played for a couple hours... 3 games. short ones too....

sigh... i had other ways planned to spend the evenning, mainly homework.

*streeeeeeeetch*

i went to visit my little cousin micheal in kingston today. he was sooooo cute and tiny. he'll be one month old tuesday. he's got chubby little cheeks and a double chin and little eyes and a little nose and everything is so SMALL. his whole hand can be wrapped around half my finger. it's hard to believe that one miniscule little finger will get to be normal sized. it's hard to believe he's going to get big at all. at this age, he doesnt do much... mostly just eat sleep poop... poop some more... he eats every four hours... can you imagine? no wonder they grow so fast at that age. my aunt and uncle have to get up like 3 times during the night to feed him. i think i'll just become the favorite aunt and bypass the whole baby thing...

i was sitting on the couch last night when i had the oddest realisation... the idea itself wasnt all that odd, but more the fact that i had never had it before. the idea of sleep. what is it? how can your consciousness just... go? where does it go? what makes it come back? why would it leave int he first place? why would it have to? it makes no sense. then it hit me how weird it was that this had never occured to me. alex was there, and he definatly thought i was odd for it never having occured to me before. i cant even remember why i thought of it. the mysterious ways of the mind...

on the way to kingston, i had planned on studying or at the very least, reading. i ended up sleeping basically the whole time. most of the way back to. but on the way back, i sat and stared out the window for a bit. it gave me a chance to think. i love car trips for that reason. i get to do some of my favorite me things, that is things that i enjoy doing on my own. stuff like... nap, read, listen to music or even just sit and think (although i usually do that with the music). so that's what i did for a bit on the way back. i was thinking about.... stuff. mostly about how i could switch from one relationship to another so fast. i know some people have judged me on that. heck, i would judge anyone else had they done it. well, i WOULD have. i wouldnt now. no one can understand how a person feels just by looking, so dont think you can. dont pretend to know how it was then pass judgement on it, as if it involved you (unless it did...). and no, it's not something i would recomend but nor is it something i regret. it just happened, and it wasnt planned. i dont know why i feel i have to explain myself to you people.... but i am anyways. i guess i dont want people getting the wrong idea, even though i doubt this would change their minds greatly. sigh... i'm considering erasing this last paragraph but i dont think i will. i dont even know who read this... i mean, the only people who might read this are the ones who already know all of this... who knows.

five fingers.... why five? i guess you could also ask, why not?

:)

and i mean that folks, i REALLY mean that.

*drools*

have i had that title before? i can't remember... i know i'll end up repeating eventually. well, the reason for my socially unnacceptable bahaviour is because of this kick ass new sound system on this computer. not 1, or 3 or even 5, but 6, yes 6, speakers. folks, this is alot of speaker-age. i am, as we speak, having my mind blown away. big time. i have it up really loud so i cant hear much else. my parents arent home and will likely be comming soon. i wont hear them come in so i know that when they come up it will scare the shit out of me. as it is, i'm already jumping out of my skin everytime i THINK i see a shadow move. yeah, that all goes back to the uncomfortableness i have with the dark.
anyways, i put the base on max and blasted the volume and played Seven Nation Army. holy shit, the floor was shaking, it was insane. i love this computer and its godlike speakers.

oh, my parents just got in. lucky for me they came in at a relatively slow song (sitting on the dock of the bay) so i'm safe.

it's come to my attention that i am the biggest girl in the world. i have this strange desire to see "love actually" which is likely the be the sappiest romantic comedy around. it's also come to my attention that i take after my dad (not in the girliness, in other stuff...) like, the short memory. it took me 5 days to memorize a short and simple monologue while other people memorized monologues twice as long overnight. some people can quote the lines from their favorite book or movie. or know all the words to a song without the music to help. people can remember specific lines from a tv episode they saw weeks ago. i cant remember a specific line from a show i saw yesterday. i dont know a single song by heart, not event he one i would call my favorite. i dont remember a single specific line from any of the many many books i've read (the closest thing to it would be remembering the names of a few authors i absolutly love). the only two birthdates i know out of every single person i know is mine and my brothers. i freaquently forget birthdays or get reminded of them a week later and feel like a bitch. it's nothing personal i swear, i'm just bad that way. same thing with names. a person who has just been introduced to me will have their name forgotten within 30 second of it having been said to me if i ever even register it at all. i've been playing volleyball witht he same girls for about 2 months now and i still have to think about some of their names. eventually i'll get it but... it's still annoying. my dad is the same way. he writes the names of people in his palm pilot to help him remember who they are, their spouse's name, kid's name, that kind of stuff. i was doomed from the begenning.

so now you know. if i aver forget your name or birthday, IM SORRY in advance.

uuuh...

how often does anyone get to say this in a regular conversation?

em (Jingle my Canary, PoinDexter!) says:
1. where does the hot air baloon come in? 2. where does the arrow come in? and 3. where does the paralyzing ray COME from?
em (Jingle my Canary, PoinDexter!) says:
and 4. no, i dont want you to anwser

i have the coolest friends

dead on my feet... or chair...

i hate volleyball. i hate basketball. i hate volleyball and basketball. i want to play something i'm actually good at. like soccer. god i miss soccer.

i'm so tired. dead tired. i thought i was going to pass out at volleyball practice today. i couldnt do anything right. they made me try overhand serves.... only one hit the net, and the rest fell painfully short. none even came close to going over. i eventually switched back to underhand but i couldnt even do that right. i wanted to just go home... i started school at nine and got home at 10:30. when i got in was supposed to go to bed right away, but i called viki because she asked me to. but she wasnt home (thanks viki...). so then i stood at the top of my staircase, my bedroom behind me, the computer downstairs calling me. i stood there i wondered which i should do. i felt like passing out so obviously i came on the computer. but there seems to be nothing to keep me hear so i do believe i'm going to go to bed.

sigh... it feels like all i do nowadays is sit there and get creamed at everything i do. i want to do something easy or something i'm good at for once. like skiing. except not, because in the racing world, i'm not very good. same thing with soccer... but to people who dont know any better, i'm sure i LOOK good...i know i know, it's really shallow. but a girl has to get her confidence/moral booster SOMEWHERE.

owie, i'm in pain... where? i'm not really sure *waves in general body area* here-ish.

a little annecdote (take 2)

(a little side note before we begin... i started this entry last night when the internet died. saddly, i lost everything i had written, so... here is take 2)

i love art. i love seeing it. thats why, when we went to the art gallery last year with mrs smith, i was so happy. we took a guided tour of the contemporary section. you know the one... the one that they are always making fun of : "thats not art, it's only three lines" well, i wont get into the fact that true art is not only a measure of skill, but of the idea or message that they are trying to get accross. anyways, he brought us to a room with 4 paintings. they were all landscapes of sorts. he asked us which one we would like to live in most.

the one onthe right had a lake and trees. in the background there was some buildings. it was done in bright bold colours. a mostly solid colours all in a more or less traditional native art style. the one in front of us held many yellow fields on a hill. criss crossing the hills were white picket fences and in the feilds were some sheep. in the fore group some scantily clad boys lounged on the grass next to one of the fences. to the left of us, the painting showed a patchwork of glass buildings with canals in between. in the canals, large boats floated by. the water and buildings all have colourful tinges to them. the one inthe back seems to be underwater. it looked like strings of squished bubbles floating around. thousands of them in the background with small, tiny ladders. the whole thing had a murky green colour.
the first three had about an even amount of votes. the last had about 2 maybe 3. the guide then asked us to take a closer look at the paintings we had chosen. in the foreground of the first one, there were tree stumps. when you looked closely, there was a crying face on the stump. the buildings in the background also seemed to be oozing into the water. when you really LOOKED, you could see sad, crying faces all over the painting. the artist was expressing his/her feelings on our destruction of nature. this was not a place we would want to live in. the second one was just plain eerie when you looked. the animals were actually dead, the boys were tied to the fence and the white picket fences? barriers. the buildings in the background now had an omnious look to them. definatly did not want to live there.... third one: we now knew there HAD to be something wrong with THIS picture... the boats in the water, they were all big tankers. the water itself had a definate red colour to it. the buildings started to look like greenhouses... it was starting to look more and more like and industrialized waterworld than anything else...

finaly we came to the last one. at first glance, it had seemed dreery, dull. depressing even. but the more you looked at it, the more it became... peacefull. the bubbles started to look like little underwater houses. the green wasnt so overpowering anymore. the more you looked, the more colours and life you saw. i had no idea how i had missed it all the first time around, but it was trully amazing. i dont know what the artist wanted to say with that piece, or why it didnt have some dark side to it like the other, but it was pretty obvious at this point, if i had another choice, i'd pick THAT ONE. and i'm not just saying this because the guide wanted me to think this in the end (as i'm sure he wanted us all to), but i actually was amazed.

i wonder if you looked at anything long enough , if it would change in front of your eyes. i know some situations, that start out so so, can grow on you. and even though they werent the best thing in the world at first, the are quickly becoming so, and isnt that what counts? i dont really think this is a "dont judge a book by its cover" message, more of a... take your time. you cant see everything at once, type of message.

i want to go back to the art gallery. i havent seen all there is to see by far... there is always more to see i think. even when you think thats it, you KNOW thats it. you know it because you're there, you can tell. even when you know it like this without a doubt, there is more. you cant judge anyone because there is always more, a reason, a something... or maybe i'm full of it.

elections tomorrow, who am i going to vote for? i dunno.. will i even vote? should i make alex happy and vote for him? is he the best for the job? i dont know... maybe. who can really tell though, i cant. bleh.

it's late i think. that means i should be sleeping. because, you know... sleep is good...
and stuff...

yeah...

blogalog

well... I can actually say i'm full blown sick now... weee...

i couldnt even sleep in today, i just felt kinda shitty. so i watched hollywood homicide. mmm... josh hartnett.... i mean... *cough* what was that?

amen to that tyler, amen to that... (to both)

confused...

i went downstairs today and where there used to be a fireplace there was a hole in the wall...

how long was i sleeping?

ugh... sick...

yeah, i'm getting sick. this is when you know you're sad when you not only get miserable when you're sick, but you get miserable when you're getting sick. i am the most pathetic sick person there is. i want to do nothing but wrap myself in a blanket and stare at the tv or read or do anything else equally time wasting and requiring absolutly no energy. like right now. i have phenomenal amounts of homework, so what am i doing instead? (granted, it's not even 6 yet... although i have been home for about 2 hours)
i always know ahead of time when i'm getting sick. there's a combination of things that more often then not, result in my absolute misery. i get this weird hot and cold feeling. like, i'm shivering but my skin is boiling hot. then my nose and throat get all gross feeling, my eyes feel like they're all puffy and last but not least, my ears get plugged so that i cant hear small sounds. it's really annoying. eventually they'll start popping. alot.
oh, not to mention the whole tiredness issue.

my brother is a freakin invalid. he cant do anything. he insists i make supper. i told him her could either make it himself of starve because i wasnt moving. i mean, for christ sakes, all he has to do is put it in the oven. oh, then he makes me get up to find the damn thing in the freezer. did i mention he was blind? well he is...

My dog is weird too(to many of you, this may not come as muchof a revelation...) last night, i was in the basement room, which he is not aloud in (he nails scratch the floor. hey, these are my parent's rules, not mine) anyways, at some point during the night he wanders into the room and just stands there staring at me. i turn around and see him. i stare at him in annoyance "uuhh.... Nicky? get out?" he just looks at me. i bring out the big guns, the scary voice i use that he for some reason always listen to" Nicky, OUT!" not even a twitch. This time i'm somewhat pissed. i get up a stomp my foot as if i'm going to run at him and yell "OUT". he actually took a step towards me. i actually did run after him this time. after having successfully chased him out of the room, i turn and head back in. he follows me. i stare at him in disbelief. HE looks at me as if i had just beat him. the most pathetic face i've ever seen. so after chasing him out of the room repeatedly i drag him upstairs. actually, i more just walked up and he followed me. he followed me all of the house in fact... i realised there was some sort of storm outside, which would explain my dog's wimpy behaviour. see, my big mean dog is AFRAID of storms... if he were a person he'd totally be a fairy...

now that i've talked forever about my DOG, i'd like to give a little message. there's a little something called doscretion and MINDING YOUR OWN FREAKIN BUSINESS. oh,and people, just stop.

get it?

sometimes ihave a convesation with someone and i realise i really want to talk about the topic of the conversation at greater lenghts in my blog. unfortunatly for this person, they have to read the same drivel twice. i'm sorry.

i feel like a fraud. i think i've said this before, but now i have reasons to it. i feel like people see me as something i'm not, not necessarily through their own fault, but it's not something i intnetionally do, if i'm to blame at all... i know, that made little sense. just for the record people, i'm not really all that smart and i hardly think i'm deep. i'm not really the caregiving type and although i may act. like it, i'm not all that strong willed. i'm not funny or outgoing. i'm not studious but niether am i a total slack off. i try, but not too hard. i'm not a perfect kid yet i'm also not a rebel. i'm not any of these things, so dont think i am. i'm not special, or different from anyone else. neither am i worse. i'm... just me. this is not being falsely modest or even self-defeating.... it's actually more of a warning or a disclaimer. kind of a "dont say i didnt warn you" type of deal for when you all get it, unless you already have.

i dont know. i've been saying that alot lately.... i know there must be something that sets me appart from everyone else, despite what i said above... i mean, we all have one. that something special. it doesnt need to be something real big, just... mostly unique.

whats bothering me? nothing.... yeah, nothing. this is not the passive aggresive me speaking, this is the serious one. i'm not depressed or upset over anything. i just... dont get some things, thats all...

a few comments...

viki: you missed out on all the drama tonight.

mr. wolski: we need to have a little chat

ben: just... never again, ok?

mr. charlton: thank you for keeping me at least a BIT sane and for giving me an oppertunity to make fun of someone.

the rest of you: which one of you said my life was EASY??

tired but not...

i feel like i'm on the edge of something deep but i havent quite gotten it. it has something to do with people i think because i got the feeling when i read a few blogs. maybe it'll come to me as i go along.

my mother abbandoned us again. she is visiting her sister (then one who just had a baby) for a week. me and my brother are basically on my own. no, my dad isnt gone either, but we see so little of him on a regular basis that it's more of a "well, i guess we cant trash the house, papa WILL be home today at some point..."

some people are in favour of chosing what they want to do early on, others are in favour of never having to make a defining choice. i'd say both suck ass. i'm more in favour of the trial and error system. i mean, how else are you going to know if you will enjoy the career choice you've made. i say this as a trapped science student. i cant quit sciences yet i dont want to do this for the rest of my life... or maybe i will when i'm done and this whole wanting to run off and become an artist bit is me frustrated with the workload and me wanting to be a slacker. sigh, this is what i DIDNT want to talk about. winning about how shitty our programs are seems to be the favorite cegep student passtime. unless you're pat... stupid pat...

today was a long day. or at least it should have been. alot of my classes (that usually crawl by) went by quite fast. i dont know what it was, it wasnt any less boring... maybe it was just the company :)

hmm, it seems my "breakthrough" alert was more of a false alarm. like when you feel really sick and you run to the bathroom just in case but nothing happens. yeah like that...

you know, pleasant surprises are always so... pleasant. i thought i would have lost someone, but as it turns out, i havent. that makes me happy. very happy in fact. you know, considering i talk about what makes me happy a whole lot when in reality i dont feel like such a cheery person is kinda odd. maybe i'm one of those stewing anger types. one day i'll blow up in some big pile of ugh.

i was told not to be passive agressive. i think i'm bad at that. and not for the typical reasons either (being the "if you dont know, i'm not going to tell you" type of attitude) it's just so often something will bother me and i feel like i'm being unreasonable so i wont mention it. i can be a REALLY subtle passive aggressive when i really want to. i'm so healthy...

speaking of... health?... i'm going to eat

why isnt winning fun?

oh yeah, because i had nothing to do with it.
so here's the run down on the volleyball turnament. we get there at about 9 for our first game at ten. we realised pretty fast then we were basically the best team there seeing as how we were playing against high schools and such. first game: murdered them. second game: we won one they won one. oh, for those who dont know the rules, for ech game there are two sets. one set is up to 25 points. so we play til 25, switch sides, then play again until 25 points. third and fourth game, both wins. so in all, we played 8 sets and lost one. in all, I was on the court for about 2 1/2 of those. i played the second set of the first two games, didnt play at all the third and played about half of the first set on the last game. i wouldnt feel so bad if everyone on the team had the same thing or that they at least spent some time on the bench... but no, there were quite a few that played all 8 sets.

i'm not going to say that i deserved to play more than the others, because it would be a lie. in fact, seeing as how i was probably the worst player there, i probably deserved to play the least. it just really sucked to get all psyched up about the games and then barely get to play at all. it's not a very good feeling at all. i almost feel guuilty about just being there because then they would feel obligated to play me when they could put someone else on who would probably do a much better job at it. i could never quit though (although at some points today the idea was begenning to look not so bad). not because i love it so much, even though it usually IS fun, but because the idea of quiting is so... foreign to my brain. i cant help but feel like one of those bratty players that get pissed off when they dont get to play... but it's not that at all (although i really did have to try to not sulk and keep up a positive attitude) it's just... i love playing and i feel so useless on the bench. not to mention it's somewhat embarrassing being the onlyl one to sit out an entire game and most of another one.

i've got more to say, but it'll have to wait, i am apparently quite busy all of a sudden

hoooo boy.

you guys are in for a treat. i've got time on my hands and piles to say. so do you know what that means? yes, you guessed it. an EXTRA LONG BLOG! WOO!

my computer died for about 2 days. actually no, that's not true. it was a little longer than two days and it wasnt my computer, it was my internet.
let me tell you something about my family. in my family, parents are god. kids obey god. period. of course, god is never wrong. so whenever something breaks or goes missing, OBVIOUSLY the kids did it. for example, we are sitting watching tv. i get up to change the channel. my dad asks where the remote control is. i say i dont know. so he says "You lost it?". yes, of course. i am the only one who uses the clicker in the entire household so OBVIOUSLY (yes i know i've used that once already but i dont care) *I* lost it. my parents ACTUALLY think this way. another conversation between me and my dad:
"papa, the internet on the computers wont work"
"what did you do to it?"
"why, i inserted a deadly virus into the hard drive, what else?"

ok, so i didnt say that last one, but you get the idea. so my dad went to LA for a few days for work. almost the same day he left, the networking (for the computer illiterate: the thing that allows different computers in my house to see whats on another computer) stopped working. after that, the internet would only work on one computer at a time (it would alternate computers too). then the internet stopped working all together. apparently, the mere presence of my father keeps the computers in line. when he leaves for an extended period of time, they realise that the only person in the house that knows shit-all about compters is gone and throw a party. all we can do is poke and prod and ask them nicely to settle down and behave.

they never listen.

so anyways, having a computer without internet (and playlist too that died and i had to use actual cd's... that means MANUALLY change them every once and a while... ugh) is like... having... a body without arms... or something like that. you can still use it, but geez, whats the point? the weirdest part is that one computer would randomly regain use of the internet for about 30 seconds then die again. the only reason i knew this is because my msn would log itself on long enough for my to see everyone online and the fact that i even had a few emails then log off. like dangling candy in front of a fat kid. i mean, what the hell. (the armless, fat kids... who will i alienate next?)

i've decided that the white stripes are awesome. i know many of you have realised this before, but i must say... they kick some serious ass.

i went shopping yesterday. shoe shopping to be exact. i hate shoe shopping. hate it. i was curse with tiny feet (along with tiny everything else). but not only are they short, they're terribly narrow. oh. and i'm picky. now most shoe stores carry about one size 6 per model of shoe, if they havent sold it yet and if the shoe actually came in that size. on rare occasions you'll find a 5. sometimes i'm a 5 and sometimes a 6. often enough, the 6's dont fit. store after store, i'd find one, maybe two shoes that i like. i'd ask for the smalest size they have (usually the 6) they'd bring it out and i'd try it and.... too big.or they looked stupid on me. we went to globo. the giant shoe store. (not giant shoes but an actual big stiore). so all the women's shoes were either made for hookers or for people with ski's for feet so i checked out the kid department. there were some actually nice shoes there. so after waiting about 20 minutes for someone to come help us, i as usual, asked for a size 6 or 5. the girl brough them out. absolutly SWIMMING in both of them. so, she brings out the size 4, too big. size 3.... too big. FINALLY size 2 fits. and, as it turns out, the shoe was ugly. now, i had had this poor girl running back in forth for shoes for about 10 minutes. you really feel bad handing her back the shoes and saying "i didnt see anything i liked" then walking away, leaving her stranded amidst piles of discarded shoe boxes. luckily, i did find something i liked. so i bought it.

later on, we were wandering through the gap, looking at fall coats. find some okay ones, but nothing jumped out at me. then i saw some cool one in bright colours. then my heart stopped. i mean, came to a dead halt. there, hanging right in front of me, was an orange coat. an honnest to god ORANGE COAT. i tried it on. it fit. it had pockets. it was orange. i almost cried. my mother looked skeptical. we checked the price tag. THEN i almost DID cry. 150$. sigh.... i had to wave my dream coat goodbye.we wandered along further in the store and saw the sweater i got for my birthday. yes, the one i blabbed on about a while back. it was at about half the price my mom payed for it about a month ago. she was not happy.... however, this has given me hope about the wonder coat. all i have to do is wait awhile. and BLAM! SALE! at least... thats the plan...

oh oh!!! i get to go play volleyball tomorrow. several games at that. well.... not quite. i suspect i'll be a bench warmer. but thats okay. i'll get to play some and thats all that matters. i'm actually excited about this. so much so, that i would actually tone down the saturday night partying for it. it would just not do to be overly tired at my first volleyball game. i dont know why, but sports always make me happy. very happy in fact. sure i may gripe about early morning races or games or late night practices or the pain the next day, but it's all more than worth it. it keeps me sane. there's nothing like realising you are actually getting better. achieving something you kow you couldnt do last year or even something you coudlnt do a few weeks ago gives you the best feeling in the world. nothing esle is like it. it's the same thing with doing stuff that you are good at. soccer is awesome that way. the rush you get at burning the defence when you deek by them is insane. or with ridding. complete concentration as you head towards the jump. stay straight, not too fast, dont jerk tory(the horse) in the mouth as you go over, 2-point, slow down, make the turn, stay balanced, dont panic. all this while the back of your mind is going "holy shit, this is really high, rally fast, really dangerous and FREAKIN AWESOME!!!!" same thing with skiing... except faster and even MORE dangerous (not to mention cold). you try and concentrate on making the next turn withotu dumping speed while going full speed straight down a hill in spandex. that entirw sport is all about ignoring common sense. every nerve in your body is screaming SLOW DOWN while your brain is saying, faster, you need to go FASTER. ski jumping is awesome too. you go straight down for the very large jump in front of you. going over it is not enough. you have to push off at the last minute which gives you the pop you need to go that extra insane step. i was particularly good at it. probably because i have very little common sense. well, now that i've bored you with all the various sports i enjoy (i didnt even go near flag football...)

sigh, i have to go memorise a monologue....
wish me luck

small blessings.

volleyball is honnestly the greatest. it occupies me, gives me something more than school to look forward to, tires me out so that i can go to bed early enough (didnt work to well tonight but anyways) and lets me unwind all the pent up frustration i have building up. what frustration you might ask? well, just take my word on that one...

while waiting for my practice, i sat at subway with my supper and just wrote my little heart out. i just poured every little anger and worry and a few good things too for good measure onto paper. in my journal to be more exact. yes, not everything i write is on here, i do have a few provate thoughts. if this thing is like a fan letter, my journal is like the exclusive members only deal. members include me, myself and I. well, thats not really true, if you asked i'd probably let you read it. unless i wrote something particularly private..

i've got to stop chewing my lips... i think i taste blood

crazy

i've been saying that alot lately...

today had the potential of being a really shitty day. i spent all of it in front of a computer, writing an essay. well, to be fair, the essay would have been done a whole lot faster. then again, my day would have been a whole lot worse. see, if i had done nothing but write my essay, it would have been 3 hours of pure torture. instead, i talked to people, listenned to music, took frequent breaks to read comics... and prolonged the whole thing into 7 hours of mild discomfort. since i really had nothing else to do, it was a rather enjoyable day. crazy... (see, there i go again) maybe it's just some people have a way of uplifting my spirits (as well as distract me)

bowling. what a novel idea. one i wish to persue.

time for bed... or more conversation, either way, goodnight

oh yeah and...

i hate labels... i wish people would all just mind their own business and let me live my life as i see fit.

i know it's alot to ask but call it a special request.

the real deal.

sometimes i feel like a toy. something put there to be used and to entertain certain people when more interesting things arent going on. oh, i may be one of the "favorite toys", but i'm still just a toy.

i really shouldnt be alone tonight. i really shouldnt be alone ever, period. for someone who enjoys her privacy and long busrides alone, i'm awfully dependent on others. too much probably. tonight was odd....i realised a few things... you know that old cliche where they say a chapter of your life is over? or maybe the one where they say when one oppertunity ends, another begins. well thats true. it's nothing bad, in fact, it's probably a very good thing. but i'm just a little fazed by it all. i need to pull myself together, i'm starting to slip. just because i dont think i want to do anything with all this science junk i'm learning, doesnt mean there's no point in doing it and doing it well. i've got to stop taking classes so lightly i guess.

i have this feeling in the pit of my stomach. i always associate it with something bad about to happen although when i think back, my stomach is usually screwing with me. it may all just be a result from not eating last night. i honnestly dont think i have ever been that hungry in my entire life. that i can remember anyways... i need some orange juice... i'll be right back.

and back.

i was just reminded of Cuddles. cuddles was my rabbit. my first pet. i say was because she died a few months ago. it happened all of a sudden and i spent a very tearfull few hours at the vet's office. i couldnt stop crying; i had had her for about 6 years.when you consider the fact that i'm 17, thats almost a third of my life. funny thing is, as horribly sad as i was that day, i was okay the day after. i knew it was her time; she was old. but tonight i walked by the spot where her cage used to be. i walk by the spot everyday and dont give it a second thought, but something did it tonight and i remembered her. now i feel like crying. sigh...

she is the only thing in my life that has ever died. i dont know how i would deal with the loss of anything even slightly more meaningfull in my life. arent i in a cheerfull mood tonight?

some people push my buttons. some people do it better than others. today i felt very short tempered. everything anyone did pissed me off. i always wondered what would happened if i totally let go. forgot about school, told anyone who annoyed me to piss off and so on... it wouldnt agree with me. school is what keeps me stable i think, oddly enough. it's always been there. if i knowingly blow off homework i get physically anxious. it's odd.

i feel amazingly awake for the amount of sleep i've had in the past few days. and i dont even feel all that awake at all. i just watched "Igby goes down". really cracked up movie. wasnt too bad, but really odd. i didnt understand entire plot lines (there were like 52 of them). very odd movie indeed.

i need more music. or maybe it's the mood i'm in making me not enjoy the music i have. i need sleep... i cant wait all night, i'll just get in a worse and worse mood.



and thats not good.





sigh... i really wish i were eating pizza :) heh...

ok, screw this.

ok, i wrote a blog and it (again) got erased. i got 3 hours of sleep last night and i'm in absolutly no mood to redo what little i wrote seing as how it took me long enought the first time(what with all the falling asleep all the time and such)

blogger from hell

i blogged today. i swear. i wrote it and posted it and everything but now it's not there. it's gone, lost in cyber space. i thought that this could not do, i must not leave my faithfull readers out of the loop.

the general gist of it was that i got a new computer. a fancy one. yeah... thats about it. i wrote more (although not a whole lot more....) but it was earlier and i had less to do
now i'm tired and sore. so all my insightfull thoughts can wait until tomorrow... or the day after... or something like that...

ouch...

yet i cant help but smile... funny how that happens....

new links

i tried to change the links on the side.it may or may not have worked. for now, it's justa few few people's sites and such. it may or may not change depending on how lazy i am

*blink blink*

i just got back from seeing Kill Bill. it was good. i cant say i loved it with the passion some do but... i didnt not like it. i dont think i'd pay to go see it again, but i would recomend to to some people. to be fair, i rarely leave a movie thinking "that was AWESOME!" then proceed to talk about it for the next few days. it's just not something i do. but i do enjoy movies if only for pure distraction's sake. i'll even watch a stupid movie if it will distract me... how educated is that? i'm the same way with books. if it entertains me, no matter how much "value", moral or otherwise, it contains, i'll most likely read it.

fun with words:
there are two ways to have fun with words. one is to make up your own words and the other is to make up new meanings for old ones. like joy. three cheers for the joy couch.

"lucky for her, he was a pedophile" you have to see kill bill to get that. it makes sense, i promise. well... as much as anything in that movie makes sense...

when you know a person long enough, you are comfortable with silences and dont always have to talk just because the opertunity is there.

i like that.

funny thing, this life business is...

this weekend has been... eventfull. i cant even sum it up properly. everything that could possibly happen happened...

first things first, i want to welcome my new cousin, Micheal, to the world. My aunt Denise had him last night at about 1 in the morning (satuday morning to be precise). it's pretty safe to say that he is the last member to be added to my family on my mom's side. at least until one of us kids grow up and get knocked up or whatever. Anyways, he is the younges by a long shot and i look forward to seeing him. whenever that may happen...

last night i had so many things to write, things to say but i had absolutly no will to write whatsoever. and today i forgot it all.

i have done many things in my life that i regret, like everyone else. i doubt this will ever change even as a get older and "wiser" (ha.) i have always prided myself in considering other people's feelings and this weekend i failed miserably at that on more than one account. i wish i could appoligize to so many people or at least explain myself or something and i just dont know ehere to start and i dont think it would help any. or something like that...

it's funny how much comfort human touch can bring a person. it's also funny how that need for human touch or contact can skew your thoughts. i'm not trying to excuse myself... but people who say they dont need others are lying. either that or they are completly fooling themselves. yes, it would be great if they were right, and you didnt need to depend on others for your emotional stability. sigh... i think we were all designed to break. the human body i mean. come on, just look at it. the vry action of walking is leaning forward to fall forward until the last minute where you catch yourself. if somehow the foot that is supposed to stop your fall is stopped or its movement interrupted in any way, you fall flat on your face. it's so... unreliable. think of everyother living being on this planet. one foot screws up, no problem! you've got 3 or more to catch you. i so could make that into some crazy metaphor about how you can never move forward without almost falling. Live is endlessly catching you before you fall and sometimes you miss. or someother vague crap like that.

sometimes i wish i could just run. run and run and never get tired and when i stop i would find everything i wanted. i wouldnt have to chose what it was, it would just be there like someone read my innermost desires, rhe ones even i cant figure out, and just put all of them in one spot so that i wouldnt have to think about it. it would just be there. it's one thing to know what you want and not be able to get it but it's a completly other matter to not know at all. i couldnt tell you whats worse. lived through both and neither are pleasant.

sigh... time to do whatever pointless tasks are waiting for me...

i read or heard something very inspiring yesterday or this morning (i cant remember which) and i really wanted to write it down so obviously i forgot it. i've got the memory of a... i think it would require some sort of memory to remember the correct ending to that saying... what a cruel joke...

frustration

people piss me off.

if every one took critisism as a chance to grow and not an insult to their person, things in life would be a lot better. unfortunatly it's not so. pride ruins alot of things. the best people are the ones who can lay it aside for the sake of improvement or just for the sake of a little godamn peace.

i'm cold. i'm wearing a sweater, am indoors and the heat is blasting, yet i'm cold.

remember when i said the little things in life made everything worth it? well, that still stands. today could have easily turned into a craptacular day but it was the little things that kept it going. i feel like i could just keep on going until 3 in the morning. of course the 2 hour nap i had might have something to do with it...

i dont know what it is about the alcohol debate that completly confuses me. everytime i go over the time ld question of "to drink or not to drink" i end up more confused than ever before. i can never figure out if it's a good idea or not or if it's something i really want to do or am i actually just being pressured into doing it.

wow, this is taking me a long time wihout much result. maybe i should just give up for the night. yes, i like that plan

why do i write point form like?

a bit of a disclaimer, if you will

i dont mean to insult anyone with anything i say here... these are only my opinions which i am entitled to just as much as the next person is entitled to disagree. i will hold nothing against a person who dissagrees with me. i probably will argue and try to convince them otherwise but who knows, it's just as likely i get convinced by them. but i would never dislike a person who dissagreed with me.

now that i got THAT out of my system...

i was watching tv on the computer today (a neat little invention) while doing several other things (as usual) and my dad came in and decided he wanted to test ome wire thingies that allowed us to listen to whatever sound on the computer there was on the stereo speakers. this would be a great invention if we had half decent stereo speakers, which we do not. but i digress... me and my brother (oh yeah, he was there too) were watching friends onthe computer and in the process of fiddling with the wires, the sound got disconnected. now, my brother and i were raised to not complain if someone was doing something considered important that disrupted our tv viewing. the idea behind this is that tv comes basically last and you work tv in around other things and not you work things around tv. anywho, i digress again. so here we are, patty and me, watching friends withtout sound. since when i watch tv on the computer, i'm usually doing something else like chatting or solitaire or online jigsaw puzzle or minesweaper, i dont actually SEE the tv. well, i kinda look every once and a while but i mostly just listen. so needless to saw, the soundlessness of it all greatly dissrupted the tv experience. we were able to follow the plot and every once and a while, we would be able to get what they were saying (like if they said "yes" or "ok"... those were pretty easy. oh, and nodding worked too) in the end, my dad connected everything back to normal again, so we got the end of the episode. i bet you guys are wondering what this story is all about or the "moral" if you will... well, i'd have to say that it would have to be that i would make a horrible lip reader. and it showed me what watching tv as a deaf person would be like.

speaking of deaf people... i was waiting at rideau for a bus the other day and a man walked up to me and handed me a paper which i at first thought was a flyer. i took it and looked up to thank the man and he look at the paper and pointed to the writing on it. it was a small square of paper with a few stickers on it. typed on it said that the man was deaf and that any amount of money would do for the paper and i guess the stickers that came with it. as i begun to dig out my wallet in my purse i realised i had no change on me and my bus had just arrived. i looked back up at the man and began stammering something about having no money and having to catch my bus and that i was sorry. he waved his hand at me, cutting me off mid-sentence and pulled the paper from my hand and walked away. by this time i had to hurry to the bus. once seated i thought back at the whole encounter. it was at this point that i realised what an idiot i was. he was DEAF. he couldnt HEAR you, you moron!!! somehow, because he wasnt speaking, i must have subconsciously thought he was mute. he must not have known lip reading then, because it's my understanding that once you can read lips, you can figure out speach. yet another story without a point except to say that i'm an idiot. also, it's sad to think that someone with a dissability must have to actually beg for money. he wasnt out there because he made a mistake in his life (which is not necessarly a good reason to be on the street in the first place) but he was there because he was stuck with a handicap which he didnt chose. i dunno, maybe i dont know the whole story, but it just didnt seem right. well none of the poeple out there begging for money ever seems right... yeah yeah i'm a hypocryte and a sap...

i watched the Pianist today. that movie really helps put things in perspective ...

thought of this a few days ago....

i think i was washing my hands... well, thats what i was PHYSICALLY doing, obviously my mental state was elsewhere, when i came up with this... idea.

the idea that a person is the way they are because of the people they surround themselves with. what i mean is, every friend you have, mean something different to you, or bring you something different. or, at least thats the way i see it. you may call it a selfish view, but now really. giving to others brings you something as well. so if you have a big impact on somones life, this affects you too. all my friends help balance me out and make me the person i am. i've got one to party with, one to keep me honnest and straight, another to show me their is still good people out there, one to listen, one to talk, one to encourage and lift my self esteem... i might be a bit in saying one does one thing, they all do a bit of everything, but there is always the one that you would go to if you need whatever they are best at giving. you are one of those people too. it's a never ending circle of giving and receiving. the best friend is the one who basically does it all.

i paint a pretty picture, dont i?

if there is one thing that bothers me about people, it's inconsistency. when they claim one thing and do the exact opposite. one thing that bothers me about people's writing: beying vague in hopes they'll think you're being deep. you cant TRY to be deep, it just happen. or at least thats my thought on the matter... i must do both these things but i try not too... when i'm vague it's not really to be deep its usually because i dont want to talk about it specifically but i want it off my chest, however inderectly. like the one about oppening windows? yeah, i couldnt actually spell out what i was trying to say but i wanted to write about it anyways. the more vague things i write are usually for my own benefit. for all you people who dont have any means of expressing yourselves, youhave no idea how theraputic it is. almost never do i write because i feel i should. the few times where it starts out that way, i soon find something i want to talk about. i dont try and pretty up what i'm saying for others. i know half of what i write is crap, but i also know that i amused myself so much writing them, that it doesnt really matter. now all i have to do is go back and read what i wrote to put myself back in that frame of mind. i do it for the pure release of inside emotion... i cant imagine doing it purely for praise from others. it's too much like sensoring your actual emotions. see, i cant even explain what its like to vent on here.... the fact that people read it is just and added plus. sure some part of me wants people to like what they read, but i wont write it so they like it. it's more of a positive side effect.

i was always a fan of simple writing, which is probably why i write relatively simply. writing elaboratly and with big fancy words and mataphors takes to much effort for me and becomes a chore more than anything else.

see, this is one of those entries that is mostly for myself. you need one of those once and a while.

sigh... god bless slippers...

~em

ahem

a little something to clear up a little debate.

drunk
v.
Past participle of drink.
adj.

Intoxicated with alcoholic liquor to the point of impairment of physical and mental faculties. Caused or influenced by intoxication.
Overcome by strong feeling or emotion: drunk with power.

ok... so maybe that didnt prove a whole lot and will just give more cause for debate... in my opinion, it porve both points.

the simple things

it's funny how this simple things can make a day good. i got to wear my funky new red tights with the cheap blue plaid skirt i got a value village. i didnt match and that was okay. i didnt do too badly on my literature test and my teacher told me i was talented in writing after reading my journal (which we were asked to write). i didnt have a biology lab so i finished school early. i got to play lots of foosball, hang out with friends, laugh at stupid things... then i went shopping with friends. had a good conversation on the way there, got a chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream cone before going home. i got the whole busride to myself to just read. now that i think about it i read on the busride to school too. when i got home i got to take off the cool tights and put on my pj's which were reeeeal comfy. the house was empty so i got to pig out on junk food. for the first time in 3 weeks i had no homework on a weeknight and it just happened to be a thursday night which is, as any educated person would know, prime tv-watching night. the fact that scrubs was taken over by some crappy comedy starring whoopi did put a dampner on my evenning however i knew CSI would be on later. so i kill some time at the pool table and returned just in time to see that it was a rerun. being the SCI-addict that i am, i watched it anyways and suprise! there was another, more recent, episode right after. i realised something about this show. at any given time, there is about 17 different story lines going on. most of these only come up for about 30 seconds each episode if they show up at all. they sometimes even skip a whole season. the good thing is, they never spell it out. you kind of have to guess at it although it usually isnt that big a mystery if you've seen quite a few episodes, things start to add up.

so these are the simple things that made this day a good one.

oh, i know you are all dying to know how i did in the volleyball tryout. that makes you and me both... they girls trying out are all real good so i dont know... on the plus side, they're arent many girls so i might make the cut anyways. i like to believe that what i like in skill i make up for in enthousiam. or something like that. what i'm trying to say is that i'm trying hard, whatever that means. i wish i could have a comment board so people could post things and tell me how deluded i am in thinking my life is actually interesting. i'm so boring. but hey... i uh... have .... OTHER redeeming qualities. or so i would imagine...

my newer computer is working properly again. it has this nasty habbit of subtly loosing certain capabilities as if it expects us not to notice ie. sound, msn, periodic loss of keyboard use. you know, non essential stuff really. so now i have my precious computer back except it's empty... we saved all our stuff first, it just needs to be reinstalled. all i need really is my music, my tv, my internet/msn and thats about it. my brother on the other hand...

oh, and i've come to the conclusion that all my friends (and myself included probably) should be neutered. or is the corect term spayed? they both work i guess... it would fix a lot of problems.... theoretically....

alright... the thingy is dinging at me and i'm tired. woah... i just went all tingly and my right wrist is still bigger than the other one...

can short people play volleyball?

i certainly hope so... because i am dedicating 2 hours of my life to trying out for the team tomorrow. and its not even crappy hours, like 8 in the morning but prime time hour, like 8 at night. who has try outs for anything from 8 to 10?at night! that PM folks, PM!!! its CRAZY i tells ya, CRAZY! I realised that most sports do not catter to the normally sized. basketball players are all built like really really tall broomsticks, same with volleyball, football players are all built like big brick walls. even skiers are generally not all that small (although even the small skiers are built up to about twice their size). jockeying is about the only sport where it pays off to be small, and youu couldnt even say they are normal since they are WAY small. riding and soccer are about the two sports where it doesnt really matter what size you are. yes yes i know, there are exceptions to every rule, but if you started to go by exceptions, you'd never be able to say ANYTHING for sure. you'd just spend yor entire day naming all the possibilities and never really get anywhere (except a headache).

i'm going to let you in on a little secret. not really something i like to spread around not that i'm ashamed of it or anything... i've never liked the dark. i'm not afraid of it (not usually anyways) i just dislike it. if i'm going to sit in a room i'd rather it be lit. except when i'm sleeping, then i like it dark with my door closed. even if the hallway is dark too, the door has to be closed. i have a friend who is a big fan of late night walks and i know a numebr of people who love nothing more than to be outside at night or even awake late at night. sure i enjoy it from time to time, but it's not my idea of something i'd look forward to doing on my own. i much prefer the day and the colours it brings. i love the sunlight. i love sitting in it, i love the way it make everything shine and most of all i love the way you can see the most basic natural colour combinations at thier fullest. no other colour (not even orange) makes me happier than the colour or bright green leaves against a blue sky. something so natural... it just seems so perfect in its simplicity. My second sun-related love is the way the snow sparkles in the sun. especially right after a fresh snow fall. i can never believe how much it looks like someone walked out and showered sparkles over entire feilds. and who can forget the classic fall leaves which are quite self-explanitory.

yeah, i just love colours too much to enjoy the darkness.

i got watercolours for my birthday. i just can wait until i get a free hour during th day to test them out. i figured i'd start something colourful but not too difficult. i'm thinking the maple across the street. i've been eyeing it all weekend. i just hope it still has some leaves left by the time i get around to painting it. if not... well then i'd have to find some other inspiring subject matter.

alex.... i cant believe you actually ASKED for this... (no not that alex, the one who would actually look forwards to ramblings like this...) although, to be fair to me, not everyone has a handy dandy excuse for freedom of expression like aweb comic... jerk...(no, i dont know where that came from either)

merry christmas to all, and to all a good night

(i hope i didnt massacre the line)

sitting on the floor

thanksgiving has got to be the best holiday ever.
what other valid holiday allows you to have turkey, ham, mahshed potatoes, stuffing, squash, tourtiere and not one, but TWO different kinds of pie all in one evenning. *drools*

because we had family over for supper, evry single chair in the house was abducted to seat us all. this is why i am sitting on the foor. and it's not the most comfortable position to type from which is why i will leave you with these words of wisdom:

the people at ikea take this furniture building business WAY too seriously

uuummm...

i'm at loss for words... i feel i should be writing or at least that i have things to say. yet.... i dont.

i saw jacqui yesterday... we hung out for most of the day and it was weid... it was like she had never left at all. i mean, it's true that it's only been a few months but. still... it felt like i was just going to see her on tuesday at school. when i left i almost forgot to say goodbye to her. *sigh*

thanksgiving this weekend. AKA turkey time. not to mention all of the other good stuff... mmm mmm good.

some people just push my buttons. they say or do things and i just want to get up and yell at them. but i cant. it's never the right time or place. of course, one of those poeple is me. and there is never a GOOD time to yell at yourself

short and sweet is the theme of the day.