tired but not...

i feel like i'm on the edge of something deep but i havent quite gotten it. it has something to do with people i think because i got the feeling when i read a few blogs. maybe it'll come to me as i go along.

my mother abbandoned us again. she is visiting her sister (then one who just had a baby) for a week. me and my brother are basically on my own. no, my dad isnt gone either, but we see so little of him on a regular basis that it's more of a "well, i guess we cant trash the house, papa WILL be home today at some point..."

some people are in favour of chosing what they want to do early on, others are in favour of never having to make a defining choice. i'd say both suck ass. i'm more in favour of the trial and error system. i mean, how else are you going to know if you will enjoy the career choice you've made. i say this as a trapped science student. i cant quit sciences yet i dont want to do this for the rest of my life... or maybe i will when i'm done and this whole wanting to run off and become an artist bit is me frustrated with the workload and me wanting to be a slacker. sigh, this is what i DIDNT want to talk about. winning about how shitty our programs are seems to be the favorite cegep student passtime. unless you're pat... stupid pat...

today was a long day. or at least it should have been. alot of my classes (that usually crawl by) went by quite fast. i dont know what it was, it wasnt any less boring... maybe it was just the company :)

hmm, it seems my "breakthrough" alert was more of a false alarm. like when you feel really sick and you run to the bathroom just in case but nothing happens. yeah like that...

you know, pleasant surprises are always so... pleasant. i thought i would have lost someone, but as it turns out, i havent. that makes me happy. very happy in fact. you know, considering i talk about what makes me happy a whole lot when in reality i dont feel like such a cheery person is kinda odd. maybe i'm one of those stewing anger types. one day i'll blow up in some big pile of ugh.

i was told not to be passive agressive. i think i'm bad at that. and not for the typical reasons either (being the "if you dont know, i'm not going to tell you" type of attitude) it's just so often something will bother me and i feel like i'm being unreasonable so i wont mention it. i can be a REALLY subtle passive aggressive when i really want to. i'm so healthy...

speaking of... health?... i'm going to eat