oh the pain...

*cries* i feel like i was beaten with a bat... owie...

but on another note... for as long as i live, i dont think i will EVER understand people. some people are good with that stuf, you know, figuring out why people do the things they do, understanding what they are feeling or even simply knowing what they expect of you. i just dont get it. people dont make sense to me. ill think that i get someone and then they'll go and do something completly unexplicable and then im just left standing there, trying to make sense of it. more often than not, this includes me. sometimes i just dont know why i dont the things i do or why i feel the things i do. when it comes to people, i just plain suck. maybe this is why i dislike people... or often prefer my own company then that of alot of someone else. to be fair, i do understand the people that are closer to me better than others which might be why i enjoy THEIR company. ive come to somewhat understand them. they arent some huge mystery to me. i wont be left to judge them unfairly for their actions when i know why they did them. you know what i mean... when you see someone do something that doesnt make sense to you, you think "what an idiot, why the hell would they do that?" and you, as a result, feel dislike towards them. but if you knew WHY they did it, you might tend to accept them more. unless their reasons are stupid then you just dislike them even more.... heh... in the end, my point is, when it comes to people, i just suck.

this all reminds my of something my aunt said... my cousin, her son, is autistic. he atends a normal school and is in a class full of normal students although he has an aid. anyways, when he first started attending the school, my aunt and the school had a meeting with all the students and their parents and explained to them that an autistic boy would be in their classroom and explained to them what autism was. they made sure that all the kids understood why thomas did the things he did so that he wasnt a mystery to them. as my aunt said "kids dont make fun of things they understand". and its true. thomas has been with them for a couple years now and tthey all try and help him out, or even explain to other teachers unfamiliar to him what all his odd quirks mean. think about it... if you had say, experienced an eating disorder, or knew someone close to you who had, would you make fun of it? no, because you understand what its all about.

well, i feel like ive been repeating myself for the past 20 minutes... i have to go make up a story using circles... eurgh...

owie...

we got creamed in soccer tonight. but no worries, they were just really hella good. im tired.

my eyes are itchy. should i scratch them?

dude, where's my kicthen?

our laundry room, which was more like a hallway that doubled as a workshop-like area/storage spade in the unfinished part of our basement is now "trippling" as a kitchen. sound like fun? perhaps... only time can tell.

ive discovered i like being with new people. but only in specific situations such as:
1. i have to be with at least one other person i know relatively well and is also open to new people
2. it has to be in smaller groups at a time. as in 3-4 people max. otherwise i get overwhealmed.
3. for best results, the "new" people have to make the first step. from there on i can offer up the odd comment without feeling TOO out of place.
4. last, you have to realise that with new people i will be more quiet. thats okay, i like just sitting and listenning to completly new conversation types.

thats all i can think of now...
there's this commercial for walmart thats been on tv for a while. it makes me angry everytime i see it. it shows a variety of young folk, dressed in the various popular styles (punk, preppy, prostitot etc) and talking about how they dress individually. that theydont buy clothes JUST because they are cool. at some point someone says something along the lines of its okay to stand out in a croud. thats where i lose it everytime i watch it. THEY ALL LOOK JUST LIKE EVRYONE ELSE! there was not one original thing i the things they were wearing! they ALL corresponded to today's fashion. not one of them would have stood out in croud. now my point here is not that we should all dress individually (which is a nice concept but it takes way to much effort to put into practice especially when you dont care THAT much about clothes. its usually just easier to buy whatever is more or less in style that you also happen to like) since that would be rather hypocritical of me. i dont exactly stand out in a croud myself. but here's the twist: i dont say i do. do go on about your individual style then wear what EVERYONE ELSE is wearing. it pisses me off. its like our generation is striving for individuality while conforming at the same time. for the record, im talking clothing style here. i know plenty of unique individuals that dont necessarily go crazy when dressing. AND THATS FINE! but they dont go around spouting about how they dont dress according to today's styles. if your going to claim to have a unique sense of style then FINE, go for it. otherwise, just shut the hell up. argh. this is a pet peeve of mine. not just clothing wise. just simply when people say one thing then do the opposite. hypocacy. drives me mad. of course, we're all hypocrites at one point or another, present company included, but some are worse than others. and they are the ones that annoy me.

heh, i looked like a lumberjack today. it made me laugh. i think ill wear this again tomorrow.

good plan emily.

soooooooooo hungry...

im very hungry. all the food in my household has been moved to the basement and there is currently a fridge in my way to food. somehow that seems slightly ironic.... anyways, my brother and father are moving the fridge to the basement and its currently in the stairway. although i DID just hear a very loud crash so either it made it down or i am currently a brother and/or father short or both.

...

im still really hungry...

party animal.

lets see...

its friday night, im home alone after 4 hours of work and no one is online. im likely to go upstairs and read myself to bed. i will be asleep by 12 at the VERY latest....



partay on.

the correct pronouciation of poo.

i should be going to bed but i had some odd feeling of duty to post. that and i had way too much sugar to go to bed right yet.

so what is there to talk about? im not all that sure... i bought my art supplies today... yay? it took forever. my mom and i kept getting into arguments over whether or not the material corresponded to the stuff on the list. idiodic things like whether if the call it permanent if it also means its waterproof as well. my mom insisted it did, where as i didnt think so. the girl in the store sided with my mom so i gave in for the sake of peace (even if im still not entirely conviced). we got everything except for ONE paintbrush. that we need to go to another store for... such a bother... actually, they didnt have a certain paint set. they are being ordered so i wont be getting that for a while. bleh.

you know, what i was thinking earlier is the same thing ive been thinking for a while. it would be nice to have someone to spend my time with. oh well. ill survive. it would be better if people just didnt assume that because im me i just need to cough to get handfuls of potential "suitors". well guys, it doesnt really work that way. sorry.

anyways.... i think i need to go to bed.... im slowly getting shleepy...





*yawn*

bad mood gone.

i got new pants. weeee! im all happy now. ive been trying to find jeans forever and this time bluenotes delivered. mmmm.... jeans....

im watching the 3 meter springboard men's diving. the chinese are crazy. they always win this thing. not a splash on their jumps. alexandre despatie, the canadian diver, is a very attractive young man. (ie. really f-ing hot).

im turning into such a typical teenage girl... name calling girls she doesnt like, getting happy because of pants, drooling over guys... sigh... its sad. im disspointed in myself really.

apparently the canadian girl who was supposed to win gold in hurdles lost because she tripped on the VERY FIRST HURDLE. the FIRST one. can you bloody imagine? you train for YEARS, get to the olympics, make it to the finals, pretty much winning every preliminary races, the blowing it all on the FIRST hurdle. everyone complaining about scoring low on their homework or some shit like that, give that one a thought. heh... there's a chinese guy on his last jump who needed ones to get into 3rd. of course he rips the dive... oh, despatie is up.. he gets silver. woo!

its like canadian tradition or something... whatever we are a shoe in for, we spectacularly blow at (or come in 4th or 5th), and stuff we arent supposed to win, we get. well, not everytime obviously, but its some sort of trend. apparently the 3 meter isnt despatie strong point. go figure...


NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!! WOOOO!!! im going to enjoy this whole wednesday off bit. i cant ait to start karate. i want to be good at it. i know its shallow of me, but i like being good at things. i like surprising expectations of me. apparently the girls on defense from the chelsea team were calling me shorty when i wasnt near. heh... clever, dont you think? i mean, they sure picked out the least obvious trait of mine... VERY clever of them.

anyways, time to be a olympic junkie again. ciao.

im kind of in a bad mood...

...I dont know why though.


but viki, thank you for sending me ben harper. its going well with the mood.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGRRGAAAAGGEGGGGGGRGH

see, heres the thing. i dont mind losing, i really dont.
what pisses me off is when we play a really great game and get our asses kicked by a bunch of trash playing girls, most of whom are the annoying whorish type. *cough*karen cross*cough*. fuck that, KAREN CROSS IS A SLUTTY BITCH! i mean... um... ok, i just needed to vent. i dont like going down to name calling but GOD they piss me off. i have no problem losing to a good team who plays a clean game. but this is just angering.


i fucking hate chelsea team.

i should be in bed.

i have class at 8 tomorrow.... right, in bed no later than 11:30. thats the deal im giving myself.

yeah.
right.

i just watched chill factor. its a stupid stupid movie. but good for a few laughs (it aint a comedy).
ive been slacking off on this whole blog dealio lately, i know. im not sure why. just havent been home alot recently... the other day i went shopping with lilian at value village. that was a bad idea. we were a little over enthousiastic. i came back with about 55$ worth of clothing. keep in mind that the most expensive article was 8$. i got cool pants. im happy. about that anyways....

im really tired. my mind keeps rambling on inside my skull. i keep trying to think of the type of things one writes about in a blog. either something deep or something personal. since i cant manage deep right now, ill have to settle with personal. well, i think ive gotten over my need for "singleness". I quickly realised it was as, if not more, boring then being "with" someone. i dont necessarily want to have a boyfriend. those tend to get needlessly complicated. i read a book that refered to potential interests as "flirts". i like the term. the point is, i dont even have flirts. i need to find some but they are difficult to find. i remember when i was a kid we'd go to the forest to turn over rocks and look for worms. i cant remember why... i think it had something to do with my mom wanting them for her garden. good for the composting dontcha know. aaaaaaaaanywho, we were never really successful. i dont know why i was reminded of that... heh... i remember this time that i chased alex gebethner around with a worm. he was really pissed off about it too. i thought it was hilarious. worms never bothered me. earwigs on the other hand... *shudder*

well then, now that ive gone off on a COMPLETLY different tagent... did you guys know that the time that shows up on the bottom of the posts is not the time you posted the blog, but when you started writing it. at least with blogger. thats why they give you the option to change the time & date. which i will do. so my time will be acurate. yay.


(i broke my promise by one minute.)

who rocks?

WE ROCK!!!

canada just beat the US in women's water polo 6-5. keep in mind, at the begenning of the last quarter we were down 4-1. yeah, we rock. it was an awesome game too. i dont even think it was the semi-finals yet either... but oh well, i have faith.

here we go again

its like clockwork.
as soon as life doesnt revolve around me, i get lonely and annoyed. i lose enthousiasm for life in general and crave some kind of big change. and if it happens i spend all my time wishing i had a "normal" life. yes folks, im a whiny baby and i suggest you dont feel sorry about anything i say at any point since the general trend seems to be that i look for the negative in just about everything.
i annoy even myself.

FLEH.

The following post contains coarse language, viewer discretion is advised.

so.

i just got back from my soccer game. we lost 1-0. excuse me for a moment...


FUCKING CUCK AND A HALF PISS ASS FUCK MUTHAFUCKIN ASS FUCK SHIT HOLY SWEET MOTHER FUCKIN JESUS FUCKING FUCK....... ass....

im really pissed off.

see, this is probably the only time ill say this and ill feel bigheaded and stupid later on but as a whole, my team played like shit. there WERE a few exceptions myself included and ill tell you why. i got very angry once they scored the goal. like... EXTREMELY angry. i just wanted to get that ball no matter what. the result, my dad told me i played the best he's ever seen me play. but to no avail... ARGABLAH! i wish i could go back and kick in a few teeth... then id be happy.

lets see... what else is going on well in my life? oh yeah, now i remember. tory, the horse i learnt to ride on, and the horse ive been riding the longest, was put down last saturday. she was in pain and it was her time to go. ive been trying not to think about it because when i do .... this happens. i cry. ill miss her, ill miss her alot. people think that horses are just another dumb animal, and yes, they are animals and as such, they have their limitations. but its so much more then that at the same time. Tory, or Victoria Dawn as her full name, had a personality to me. she was unique. i cant imagine the barn without her picking fights or trying to break down her stall door to get her grain first. there are picture of me and her jumping... she was a good jumper. regular. she didnt rush at it or avoid it like the others did. she was a bitch but an endearing one. god... ive known since saturday and i cried abit when i heard then but since then, everytime i thought about it id make myself think of something else, but now i have nothing else to think of. i cant believe ill never see her again.

i think im going to go to bed now....

goodnight.

re-cap.

time for a substantial post.

well, people keep telling me to get a boyfriend. i counted something like three people in one day and thats not counting the times they repeated themselves. they said it like i should get a job. like all it required was a little bit of effort on my part and handing out some resume. well guess what guys, theres nowhere to apply! honnestly, im glad you're all happy and gettinb some, but there's really no rush... why is there some big assumption that its easy for me and that all i need to do is snap my fingers and BLAM! i have a boyfriend. and why is this the best thing under the universe? been there, done that... it can be good, and it usually is, but it can also be a major pain in the ass... you know, i prefer it this way. not the single way necessarily, but the way that everyone else has someone. when it was the other way around, i couldnt help feeling guilty and i would have done anything to make my friends happy. and now they are. and honnestly, you can believe me or not, but its good enough for me. for now anyways. the fact that they all have something good going on to wish upon me makes ME happy. on a more selfish note, i can deal with being alone when i dont have to deal with other people being alone. it sounds bad but its true. think about it... personaly, its much easier for me to deal with my own problems when people dont have any of their own. and since people seem to be generally happy now and i dont seem to have any major angst in my life, things are just fine the way they are. i dont need a boyfriend. or someone to makeout with, so dont suggest that one either. i dont need someone liking me since that always leads to the complication of me getting confused, going for it, realising i dont want it, then trying to explain it to them and everyone else. its a wonderful pattern which im better off without. so there. single emily is the best kind of emily.


well enough about that... so how about i rejoice you with tales of my vacation.

well, we started off by going to my grandparents cottage. easier said then done.... 10 hours later, we're there! good old wholesome family fun... really, it wasnt bad. i just missed having my friends aroundand not having someone to talk about.... less wholesome things. for example, i was sitting on the deck and i notice a hummingbird feeder. a very PHALLIC hummingbird feeder. im talking the thing could not have looked any more like male genetalia if it TRIED. obviously, somehow no one else had notice... maybe it was just the angle i was sitting on or something. anyways, i almost burst out laughing while surrounded by my wholesome family while i cursed the fact that i had no one to share this with. i was never really alone with my brother, the only person who might have appreaciated the hilarity of it. it was very distressing. other then my brother and i, the only other young people there were my cousins sarah and thomas. sarah is... 14? 15? i think 14... anyways, its not that young but she is incredibly innocent and one of those bubbly chatty type. so, you know... not my type. she actually wasnt as bad this year. i was able to read in peace and i was able to have some decent conversations with her. but again, its just not the same as home... and as for my cousin thomas, who's 12 or 13, he's autistic. he's a real cute kid but he pretty much keeps to himself. he's actually pretty smart when it comes to numbers, he just has a hard time expressing it. you can ask him the release date of just about any disney movie and he will tell you the day, month and year of it. its pretty cool. my cousin david dropped in a few times. he's quite a bit older then us and it the perfect "cooler older cousin". he's really funny and nice. we had many a card games that ended up in tears because we were just laughing too hard. and then there's my grampa... also a very funny person, although not always on perpose. he's almost deaf and even with his hearing aids, he misses alot of things. it may sound mean but sometimes we just couldnt help cracking up when he'd ask a question we had just discussed in great lengths about 30 seconds ago. ahhh grampa... you're just too much.

i actually went swimming everyday we were there this time. i blame the weather. it was very hot all week. im a big baby when it comes to cold water and the cottage is really bad for that. theres no way to just in so you have to walk in the slow way. ive been known to walk in about half thigh dept then give up and head back in. i dont like the cold. but this time i went in every single day and they didnt even have to pester me to much beforehand either. we'd swim out to the raft and spend about half an hour finding the most ridiculous ways of chucking ourselves in. that part was fun. this is when i found out im loose. loose jointed that is (bwaaahahahaha...ha...ha...) i was explaining to my mother about how, when I swim, if i kick out fully it feels like my knee is popping in and out of its socket. it doesnt hurt but it feels hella weird and its rather unpleasant. apparently loose joints runs in the family (the cloutier side) so she said that was probably the case. oh well...

okay, well ive been on long enough. im starting to feel like if i dont eat soon enough ill throw up. throw up what, im not so sure... that and im starting to get a headache.

this year that was starting to look so promising is starting to look rather contraining...


shit.

rot in hell mike, rot in hell.

Micheal, this means war.



you're going DOWN.

the never ending story

yet another post to be continuted later.

miss me?

Im back. in black. okay, maybe notblack, but i do have a tan. and a sunburn on my nose.

more to come later when i feel like writing.

and you guys post too much. i have about two weeks worth of posts to read. sam's will take a couple days on his own... but now now. reading posts are a morning thing.