oh the pain...

*cries* i feel like i was beaten with a bat... owie...

but on another note... for as long as i live, i dont think i will EVER understand people. some people are good with that stuf, you know, figuring out why people do the things they do, understanding what they are feeling or even simply knowing what they expect of you. i just dont get it. people dont make sense to me. ill think that i get someone and then they'll go and do something completly unexplicable and then im just left standing there, trying to make sense of it. more often than not, this includes me. sometimes i just dont know why i dont the things i do or why i feel the things i do. when it comes to people, i just plain suck. maybe this is why i dislike people... or often prefer my own company then that of alot of someone else. to be fair, i do understand the people that are closer to me better than others which might be why i enjoy THEIR company. ive come to somewhat understand them. they arent some huge mystery to me. i wont be left to judge them unfairly for their actions when i know why they did them. you know what i mean... when you see someone do something that doesnt make sense to you, you think "what an idiot, why the hell would they do that?" and you, as a result, feel dislike towards them. but if you knew WHY they did it, you might tend to accept them more. unless their reasons are stupid then you just dislike them even more.... heh... in the end, my point is, when it comes to people, i just suck.

this all reminds my of something my aunt said... my cousin, her son, is autistic. he atends a normal school and is in a class full of normal students although he has an aid. anyways, when he first started attending the school, my aunt and the school had a meeting with all the students and their parents and explained to them that an autistic boy would be in their classroom and explained to them what autism was. they made sure that all the kids understood why thomas did the things he did so that he wasnt a mystery to them. as my aunt said "kids dont make fun of things they understand". and its true. thomas has been with them for a couple years now and tthey all try and help him out, or even explain to other teachers unfamiliar to him what all his odd quirks mean. think about it... if you had say, experienced an eating disorder, or knew someone close to you who had, would you make fun of it? no, because you understand what its all about.

well, i feel like ive been repeating myself for the past 20 minutes... i have to go make up a story using circles... eurgh...