i just wrote perhaps one of the most sincere and heartfelt posts id writen in weeks and it never got posted.
i officially want to go to bed and not wake up for 3 days...
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Sunday, March 27, 2005
my rabbit layed an egg.
welp.... easter has come and gone once again in the cloutier household. got chocolate, saw little mikey, took about half a dozen pictures of him. couldnt help it, he is damn cute.
as far as long weekends go, i had a rather good one. i didnt end up alone every night which is good. it keeps me feeling at least slightly worthwhile. i learnt a few things, especially on friday night... yeeesh. played alot of risk. read alot in the past week just in general.
love is in the air....
*cough*
geez guys, save some for the rest of us.
and by us i mean me.
...
obviously.
i both crave and fear change. or maybe its that i dont want everyone else to change without me.
and with that... eugh.
as far as long weekends go, i had a rather good one. i didnt end up alone every night which is good. it keeps me feeling at least slightly worthwhile. i learnt a few things, especially on friday night... yeeesh. played alot of risk. read alot in the past week just in general.
love is in the air....
*cough*
geez guys, save some for the rest of us.
and by us i mean me.
...
obviously.
i both crave and fear change. or maybe its that i dont want everyone else to change without me.
and with that... eugh.
Friday, March 25, 2005
it's friday, alrighty
the title is from a jingle they play on the radio on friday. its incredibly irritating but catchy as many irritating things are.
well, it's 8:45 on a friday. my shift was moved to 11 instead of nine. im not sure if that means im only working 3 hours or if ill just be staying later. i hope my brother remembered right... i always get nervous when i get messages from work through family. ESPECIALLY through my brother. when i pressure him to make sure about what they say he just says.... uuuhhh, yeah i think thats what they said...
it makes me very nervous.
its funny. taking the bus at different times of the day opens you to a whole world of different types of people. for example, taking the last bus to aylmer at 12:30, means the bus will be filled with inebriated young people. who talk loud. and smell bad. boo.
ashley, we had fun. again. soon. (perhaps involving alcohol :P)
gah... i was so sure i had things to say... but i forget them all now. crap! i think i have to fill in a tax return or something... dammit, when are those due? ill need to hound my father.
did i mention i hate it when people stare over my shoulder.
heheh... i have this bad habbit of ignoring the computers that are malfunctioning in our house in hopes that someone else will fix it. im lazy that way. okay, not so much lazy as incompetent. maybe a little of both.
sometimes being invisible is fun. sometimes not so much. everything in moderation.
okay, i think ive exhausted my flow of random useless words to say... even though i dont really feel like leaving the computer...
blah.
well, it's 8:45 on a friday. my shift was moved to 11 instead of nine. im not sure if that means im only working 3 hours or if ill just be staying later. i hope my brother remembered right... i always get nervous when i get messages from work through family. ESPECIALLY through my brother. when i pressure him to make sure about what they say he just says.... uuuhhh, yeah i think thats what they said...
it makes me very nervous.
its funny. taking the bus at different times of the day opens you to a whole world of different types of people. for example, taking the last bus to aylmer at 12:30, means the bus will be filled with inebriated young people. who talk loud. and smell bad. boo.
ashley, we had fun. again. soon. (perhaps involving alcohol :P)
gah... i was so sure i had things to say... but i forget them all now. crap! i think i have to fill in a tax return or something... dammit, when are those due? ill need to hound my father.
did i mention i hate it when people stare over my shoulder.
heheh... i have this bad habbit of ignoring the computers that are malfunctioning in our house in hopes that someone else will fix it. im lazy that way. okay, not so much lazy as incompetent. maybe a little of both.
sometimes being invisible is fun. sometimes not so much. everything in moderation.
okay, i think ive exhausted my flow of random useless words to say... even though i dont really feel like leaving the computer...
blah.
Monday, March 21, 2005
new day, new issues.
so today i had my first driving lesson.
having never even come CLOSE to driving before, i was naturally nervous.
the first thought i had upon sitting behind the wheel and pulling out from the parking spot was: does this man know that i dont know how to drive? why am i sitting behind the wheel of A FREAKIN' CAR???
i can hardly trust the instructions of a man who would let the likes of me behind the wheel.
fortunatly i didnt kill anyone or break anything. i was supposed to be learning manual since thats what both our cars are but im kind of glad that i forgot to mention that at the beginning of the lesson. i dont think i could have handled CHANGING GEARS on top of, you know... stopping and turning. i was actually more or less getting the hang of it by the time we finished. that is until we got to the parking lot and he expected me to pull into the parking lot. then it all kind of fell apart. granted, his instructions were super unclear and i had absolutly no idea as to what he was trying to tell me at this point. but i survived.
everytime i thought i was doing well on the small streets he'd have me pull into a street with ACTUAL TRAFFIC. and MORE THAN ONE LANE. these scared me. also scary are : ONCOMING TRAFFIC, SCHOOL ZONES, U-TURNS, PEDESTRIANS, CONSTRUCTION WORKERS, TRAFFIC LIGHTS, SNOWBANKS and PARKING LOTS.
oh and driving BACKWARDS.
i have a feeling im going to be an extremely cautious driver.
having never even come CLOSE to driving before, i was naturally nervous.
the first thought i had upon sitting behind the wheel and pulling out from the parking spot was: does this man know that i dont know how to drive? why am i sitting behind the wheel of A FREAKIN' CAR???
i can hardly trust the instructions of a man who would let the likes of me behind the wheel.
fortunatly i didnt kill anyone or break anything. i was supposed to be learning manual since thats what both our cars are but im kind of glad that i forgot to mention that at the beginning of the lesson. i dont think i could have handled CHANGING GEARS on top of, you know... stopping and turning. i was actually more or less getting the hang of it by the time we finished. that is until we got to the parking lot and he expected me to pull into the parking lot. then it all kind of fell apart. granted, his instructions were super unclear and i had absolutly no idea as to what he was trying to tell me at this point. but i survived.
everytime i thought i was doing well on the small streets he'd have me pull into a street with ACTUAL TRAFFIC. and MORE THAN ONE LANE. these scared me. also scary are : ONCOMING TRAFFIC, SCHOOL ZONES, U-TURNS, PEDESTRIANS, CONSTRUCTION WORKERS, TRAFFIC LIGHTS, SNOWBANKS and PARKING LOTS.
oh and driving BACKWARDS.
i have a feeling im going to be an extremely cautious driver.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
a night on the town,
... is what i wish i had had last night.
im getting kind of tired of going home and watching movies alone. im getting kind of tired of spending my lunch hours at school drawing in the halls or playing with photoshop in the computer lab, im getting kind of tired of not really talking to people. im getting kind of tired of being alone.
im thankful to alex who seems to be the only person, without questionable intentions, to invite me to do thing lately. if im forgetting someone im sorry.
the thing is, im not even all that unhappy. i dont cry myself to sleep, or stop eating or start eating like mad. im not depressed. im just feeling lonely and static. static as in every day is the same, every day is predictable. for the first time that i can remember, i am actually looking forward to leave this place. i want to see new faces, new places.
the OTHER thing is, that i probably could avoid spending this time alone but i somehow just dont. its always the same conversations and a bitter, petty part of me has decided that if people dont make the effort to see me, then its because they dont want to see me and therefore why should i submit myself upon them. either way, its a big crappy endless cycle that only ends when i start listenning to the common sense i would dish out to anyone having the same problem as me.
halfway through this i decided to save this as a draft and not post it but now i realised that i dont REALLY care that much. to all the overburdened souls out there, heh, sorry. if its any consolation, i dont expect any outside person to fix this. life is all about perception so all i need to do is change said perception.
changing..... NOW
PS. i tried to posta picture but i dont think it worked. but in case it did... heres a picture!
im getting kind of tired of going home and watching movies alone. im getting kind of tired of spending my lunch hours at school drawing in the halls or playing with photoshop in the computer lab, im getting kind of tired of not really talking to people. im getting kind of tired of being alone.
im thankful to alex who seems to be the only person, without questionable intentions, to invite me to do thing lately. if im forgetting someone im sorry.
the thing is, im not even all that unhappy. i dont cry myself to sleep, or stop eating or start eating like mad. im not depressed. im just feeling lonely and static. static as in every day is the same, every day is predictable. for the first time that i can remember, i am actually looking forward to leave this place. i want to see new faces, new places.
the OTHER thing is, that i probably could avoid spending this time alone but i somehow just dont. its always the same conversations and a bitter, petty part of me has decided that if people dont make the effort to see me, then its because they dont want to see me and therefore why should i submit myself upon them. either way, its a big crappy endless cycle that only ends when i start listenning to the common sense i would dish out to anyone having the same problem as me.
halfway through this i decided to save this as a draft and not post it but now i realised that i dont REALLY care that much. to all the overburdened souls out there, heh, sorry. if its any consolation, i dont expect any outside person to fix this. life is all about perception so all i need to do is change said perception.
changing..... NOW
PS. i tried to posta picture but i dont think it worked. but in case it did... heres a picture!
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
life is funny
it runs in cycles.
im back in grade 8. smells like home. actually, now that i think of it, its funny the parallels that could be drawn between that year and now. of course things are different now. its nowhere near as bad as it was then. but now im used to all that sunshine and freshair i got.
enh well
*if you checked this post between midnight on tusday and 8:45am wednesday it'll be different than it is now. not VERY different, but i took out a few things that didnt really apply*
in the meantime, let us meditate on melodrama. i have not met the person who will pass up the chance of a messy pointless clash when the simple easy borign solution is sitting right there.
myself included.
im back in grade 8. smells like home. actually, now that i think of it, its funny the parallels that could be drawn between that year and now. of course things are different now. its nowhere near as bad as it was then. but now im used to all that sunshine and freshair i got.
enh well
*if you checked this post between midnight on tusday and 8:45am wednesday it'll be different than it is now. not VERY different, but i took out a few things that didnt really apply*
in the meantime, let us meditate on melodrama. i have not met the person who will pass up the chance of a messy pointless clash when the simple easy borign solution is sitting right there.
myself included.
Monday, March 14, 2005
HOOOOOOHA!
that little bit up there ^^^^ is curtosy of the thingy i just did in photoshop. as in, thats what i randomly named it. its the random title of the day. fun fun...
i have approximatly 3 minutes to finish this post, gather my junk, put my coat on, exit the school and catch a bus.
i wish i had time to go downtown... maybe i do!....
no, i dont think i do
but i wish i could...
but i cant.
but oh how i wish i could.
fine, im going now.
i have approximatly 3 minutes to finish this post, gather my junk, put my coat on, exit the school and catch a bus.
i wish i had time to go downtown... maybe i do!....
no, i dont think i do
but i wish i could...
but i cant.
but oh how i wish i could.
fine, im going now.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
its a mental blip
yep.
i did it.
i wrote and drew a comic all by myself. its no wonder it turned out as crappy as it did. the joke came to me while i was standing outside the chiropracter waiting for my mom. it SEEMED funny at the time... enh well. i slacked off... no background, some liberal use of copy and paste... however, i actually wanted a sketchy colouring look but i didnt think it would look that bad. maybe ill redo it some day...
HA!
my favorite part is the slouch in the last pannel.
Introducing..... SUPER SLOUCH!!!
i did it.
i wrote and drew a comic all by myself. its no wonder it turned out as crappy as it did. the joke came to me while i was standing outside the chiropracter waiting for my mom. it SEEMED funny at the time... enh well. i slacked off... no background, some liberal use of copy and paste... however, i actually wanted a sketchy colouring look but i didnt think it would look that bad. maybe ill redo it some day...
HA!
my favorite part is the slouch in the last pannel.
Introducing..... SUPER SLOUCH!!!
booooooooooooored
so very bored. i have nothing oh nothing to do. bleh. for once i dont want to sit on my arse and do nothing at home (which im usually kind of okay with) but would really like to go out. almost enough to make me want to call sean back. heh... right.
i guess its my fault. didnt make any concrete plans. and now its too late to call someone but too early to go to bed.
random facts of the day:
i got my learners permit on thursday. about time. i am a late bloomer.
i hung out with sean today. oh random of randomness.
GAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! i feel like bashing my head on the desk. i am SO very bored. i want to do something new. i thought by getting involved with different things would keep me busy but all its done is sink me into a more predictable routine. my life right now is boring. god i hate "my life sucks" competitions. you all win. i dont WANT my life to be boring, i wish it were interesting. then everyone could say
"my life sucks" and i wouldnt contest them in the least. not that there is anything particularly bad about my life.
parents are not supposed to be rational beings. i dont know what happened to mine. they should give seminars.
SEBVDIHWE()^$(%@$)_RWJKFRTJTF9
i want something.
i guess its my fault. didnt make any concrete plans. and now its too late to call someone but too early to go to bed.
random facts of the day:
i got my learners permit on thursday. about time. i am a late bloomer.
i hung out with sean today. oh random of randomness.
GAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! i feel like bashing my head on the desk. i am SO very bored. i want to do something new. i thought by getting involved with different things would keep me busy but all its done is sink me into a more predictable routine. my life right now is boring. god i hate "my life sucks" competitions. you all win. i dont WANT my life to be boring, i wish it were interesting. then everyone could say
"my life sucks" and i wouldnt contest them in the least. not that there is anything particularly bad about my life.
parents are not supposed to be rational beings. i dont know what happened to mine. they should give seminars.
SEBVDIHWE()^$(%@$)_RWJKFRTJTF9
i want something.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
the cat came back.
before i start about anything to do with the past week id like to go back to my post about relationships and particularly the comments posted about it.
first of all, i wasnt really talking about love in any way shape or form. if you are experiencing any form of love than you are way past my trivial drivle. i was talking before things like love... i was talking the initial interest in people. this is all assuming you people dont believe in the whole "love at first sight" shebang... that whole shpeal i was making back there was more or less me getting over my "whats the worst that can happen?" past. trying to look past the impulsive emotions and looking at the person themselves and not whatever thing is going on with you now. or something of that sort...
at least thats all ive got for now.
so yeah, the ski trip. tremblant.
well lets see... the weather was as good as it gets at tremblant. its always stupid windy and cold at the top. it only snowed on the days we drove to and back from the hill. i cant decide if this isa good thing or not.. the hill was full of young, cute british boys which were fun to listen to and look at but of course i didnt talk to any. so yeah... it was about average as far as family vacations go. read Briget Jones's Diary. halfway through the sequel. that book really makes me want to hang out with friends and drink. not good for the whole cutting back on drinking resolution i know... i really need you people to either take up skiing/snowboarding and get jobs so we can actually go on these types of trips. minus the family. or this summer.. i REALLY want to go on a road trip. the type were you fill a car with crap, bring a lump sum of money and start driving in some random direction spending as little as possible and only comming back whent then money starts to run out. that would rock.
either way... i have some blogging/comic-ing catching up to do.
first of all, i wasnt really talking about love in any way shape or form. if you are experiencing any form of love than you are way past my trivial drivle. i was talking before things like love... i was talking the initial interest in people. this is all assuming you people dont believe in the whole "love at first sight" shebang... that whole shpeal i was making back there was more or less me getting over my "whats the worst that can happen?" past. trying to look past the impulsive emotions and looking at the person themselves and not whatever thing is going on with you now. or something of that sort...
at least thats all ive got for now.
so yeah, the ski trip. tremblant.
well lets see... the weather was as good as it gets at tremblant. its always stupid windy and cold at the top. it only snowed on the days we drove to and back from the hill. i cant decide if this isa good thing or not.. the hill was full of young, cute british boys which were fun to listen to and look at but of course i didnt talk to any. so yeah... it was about average as far as family vacations go. read Briget Jones's Diary. halfway through the sequel. that book really makes me want to hang out with friends and drink. not good for the whole cutting back on drinking resolution i know... i really need you people to either take up skiing/snowboarding and get jobs so we can actually go on these types of trips. minus the family. or this summer.. i REALLY want to go on a road trip. the type were you fill a car with crap, bring a lump sum of money and start driving in some random direction spending as little as possible and only comming back whent then money starts to run out. that would rock.
either way... i have some blogging/comic-ing catching up to do.
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