a night on the town,

... is what i wish i had had last night.

im getting kind of tired of going home and watching movies alone. im getting kind of tired of spending my lunch hours at school drawing in the halls or playing with photoshop in the computer lab, im getting kind of tired of not really talking to people. im getting kind of tired of being alone.

im thankful to alex who seems to be the only person, without questionable intentions, to invite me to do thing lately. if im forgetting someone im sorry.

the thing is, im not even all that unhappy. i dont cry myself to sleep, or stop eating or start eating like mad. im not depressed. im just feeling lonely and static. static as in every day is the same, every day is predictable. for the first time that i can remember, i am actually looking forward to leave this place. i want to see new faces, new places.

the OTHER thing is, that i probably could avoid spending this time alone but i somehow just dont. its always the same conversations and a bitter, petty part of me has decided that if people dont make the effort to see me, then its because they dont want to see me and therefore why should i submit myself upon them. either way, its a big crappy endless cycle that only ends when i start listenning to the common sense i would dish out to anyone having the same problem as me.

halfway through this i decided to save this as a draft and not post it but now i realised that i dont REALLY care that much. to all the overburdened souls out there, heh, sorry. if its any consolation, i dont expect any outside person to fix this. life is all about perception so all i need to do is change said perception.


changing..... NOW






PS. i tried to posta picture but i dont think it worked. but in case it did... heres a picture!