three posts in one day, it's a record...

too many thought in my head... if i go to bed now my head will explode or i'll wake up with it all a jumble. so i'll just pop the cork and like a champagne bottle, it'll all come rushing out. except not. because i'm not going to pop the cork. it's all going to sit in my head like its been doing for the past little while and stew. thats right, stew. one day i'm going to pop open and someone somewhere is going to get an earful.

is it weak to need praise to feel better about yourself? i dont know... i've always wanted to be sure of myself, tell myself i didnt need the opinions of others. i try to pretend i'm stong and dont need anyone or that i can take care of my own self esteem alone. but i know it's all a lie, a farce. and whats worse is that it's as transparent to me as it is to others. i need the sincere praise of someone who respects and loves me and who i respect and love back. otherwise, it somehow means less. it shouldnt, i know, all people's opinions should be just as worthy. but truth be told, i never hear it from the people *I* need to. maybe these are the people i should abandon. the ones who take and take without ever giving back unless you stand in their way and make your needs clear. shouldnt it be done out of a want to do so? shouldnt people compliment others because they WANT to and not because they think the other wants to hear it?



i wish i could hear people's thoughts so that i could hear the things they wont tell me.

i wish i werent turning into what i hate most.

i wish i were brave and strong so that i could stand up against the fear of being alone.

i wish i wish i wish.... what a scam...

CORRECTION:
alert reader Alex Charlton pointed out that i cant spell. in the last post torned is supposed to be torn. (obviously...)

expect the mistakes to happen in mass amounts and the corrections to be few.

right, so this is approximatly oohhh... 2 minutes after my last post... that was more of a test than anything else, i mean, it's not like i've done this before....

so i looked at all the templates for this thing and i must say i was torned. i saw the serious ones and thought those might be nice for when i'm in a dumpy mood and want to write something depressing. then i saw the bright colourfull ones and figured i'd love those when i was in a hyper mood. in the end i settled for orange because i like the colour orange. i dont particularly care that it's halfway between yellow and red and that SOME people dont consider it a real colour. but really, if you spend your whole life listenning to EVERYONE's opinion you'd never have time to make your own. besides, orange is a happy colour, so like it or not, it's not YOUR blog, now IS IT?

just in case you're wondering (which you arent), i made this thing because i didnt feel like doing biology homework. funny how that works out sometimes...

~em

hello world wide web. this is me, and this means nothing to you because you've never met me and you probably never will since this wont stand out, it's not one of a kind, it's one of a bilion. thats right, one of a bilion. so because of this, only people i refer directly to this site will ever see this and you will never know i existed. who is "you"? "you" is all the people i have never met and probably never will. so you is alot of people.

so yes, this is my mind. enjoy and please, dont litter.