three posts in one day, it's a record...

too many thought in my head... if i go to bed now my head will explode or i'll wake up with it all a jumble. so i'll just pop the cork and like a champagne bottle, it'll all come rushing out. except not. because i'm not going to pop the cork. it's all going to sit in my head like its been doing for the past little while and stew. thats right, stew. one day i'm going to pop open and someone somewhere is going to get an earful.

is it weak to need praise to feel better about yourself? i dont know... i've always wanted to be sure of myself, tell myself i didnt need the opinions of others. i try to pretend i'm stong and dont need anyone or that i can take care of my own self esteem alone. but i know it's all a lie, a farce. and whats worse is that it's as transparent to me as it is to others. i need the sincere praise of someone who respects and loves me and who i respect and love back. otherwise, it somehow means less. it shouldnt, i know, all people's opinions should be just as worthy. but truth be told, i never hear it from the people *I* need to. maybe these are the people i should abandon. the ones who take and take without ever giving back unless you stand in their way and make your needs clear. shouldnt it be done out of a want to do so? shouldnt people compliment others because they WANT to and not because they think the other wants to hear it?



i wish i could hear people's thoughts so that i could hear the things they wont tell me.

i wish i werent turning into what i hate most.

i wish i were brave and strong so that i could stand up against the fear of being alone.

i wish i wish i wish.... what a scam...