I'm trying to decide what to do with my immediate future. May really isn't that far away.... David is considering going back as camp cook this summer (with a different company) which brought up the potential of treeplanting for me again. Which basically means I want to pound my head into a wall for even considering it. If I went I'd be planting (no more glorified baby sitting for me), so if I go by my second year production (which, in complete honesty, was the bare minimum of work I could have done) I'd make about 7000$ in 3 months. And if I'm not a lazy asshole, it would be more like 10 000$. It would be a different company so I wouldn't have to deal with the old bullshit... By weekly paychecks, hot showers and a guaranteed day off every 4 days sounds nice... But at the end of the day it's still treeplanting and it still sucks.
OR!!!! I could stay in montreal, get a second job, work 50 hours a week and save over the summer... what... like 4 000$? Maybe? If I don't spend it all on stupid shit to make myself feel better about not having a life because I work 50 hours a week? But I get a bed and a shower and never have to put on wet boots in the morning and can go out for a beer on a patio every once and a while and I won't have to spend all day in freezing rain and I'm pretty sure montreal doesn't get blackflies... And maybe I can spare a 100$ a month or so and a few hours a week (when I'm not working....) and rent a shared studio somewhere and paint a bit....
It's a tough call, it really is.
But why do I even need the money? My abstract plan is "travel". Where? No clue.... for how long? no idea. What do I want to do wherever I end up going? Also no clue. Pretty much all I know is that I want to see somewhere other than here and I'd like to go alone. But it turns out "other than here" is pretty fucking big.
yeaaaah.... That's what's going on in my head. It'll work itself out, I'm sure.
I've resolved to get myself into some semblance of shape. Yoga, Russian Systema and, as of yesterday, a little bit of running. We'll see how that goes. I'm hoping that this new-found care for my own health combined with David and I's new resolve to keep our apartment clean-ish (compared to disaster-ish) will give me some sort of inner stability. This way when art-making and work are not going so well, at least I'll know I'm doing more than the bare minimum it takes to live. So far, I like it.
So now I'm off to get my day started. Shower, blueberry muffins with strawberries and whipped cream, maybe hunt down a projector?, tidy a bit and finally, off to Phil and Laura's for some delightful socializing.
Splendid.
PS!!!
As a reward for reading my ramblings, here is some stuff I did before Christmas.
This is 11"x 11"x 11"
and this is... uh... 4' x 5' x 11" (the cube is the same size as the one above)
