... i have really no idea what the second part of what i was going to talk about was... MAYBE ill think of it... doubtful.
*WARNING: BORNG BLOG ABOUT SKI STUFF*
anyways, the other part relates to skiing. i went skiing today.
yay.
it was fun. conditions were decent, perhaps a little better than decent even... but this is where the ski gods had a little fun with us. see, on the skyline side of fortune, the quad lift was out of opperation and apparently has been for quite a while. the second lift, and acient double, can normally go faster than just about any non-detachable chairs out there. unfortunatly, since it's their only lift on that side and they would be royaly screwed if it were to go out too, they were running it at about the speed your gramma goes on her daily walk. and so, the lineup was huge. so OF COURSE, my favorite run on the hill, was probably in the best condition ive EVER seen it in. and of course, with it being such a pleasure to ski, it really wasnt worth it since we spent about 20 minutes in line for a 50 second run. so we stuck to stupid-just-above-decent clifford *grumbles*
i have a conffesssion to make. i am a ski snob. and a big one at that. see... as a racer, im not that great. im about average maybe. but i am much better than just about all the non-racers on the hill. just like any other racer would be. everyone has that thing they are good at and cant stand hearing others talk about it as if they knew what was going on bu really have no clue. everyone has that one thing... with viki it would be singing or writing, mike is politics or macs, alex has his music, wolski his movies and so on and so on... anyways, im a snob. i get irritated when i hear people give terrible advice on skiing, when i see someone showing off a type a skiing that is SO OUTDATED it makes my head hurt, when i see people fall over and lose a ski and take three hours to put them back on.... it drives me nuts. i couldnt even tell you why except that im a horrible snobby person. and this is why i could never teach. i would get so impatient. (see: JUST F*CKING STAND THE HELL UP!!!!)
even though im not technically a racer, seing as how i havent been in a race in two years, i still have the habits. its a whole sub-culture you see... at almost any point during the day i could look up and see SOMEONE i recognised from the racing world. i saw old coaches, they said hi, old teamates, they ignored me, old teamate's parents, they said hi to my parents... anyways, its a world of its own, filled of tiny little habits and details that stick with you. like... how i still wear the dorky racing helmet despite the fact that a normal one would probably be more comfortable, or how i never wear a neckwarmer (except in like... 30 below zero weather), how i roll my snow pants up for easier access to my boot buckles, how i lean on my poles like crutches in the lift lineup, how i dote on my skis and am carefull to strap them up before putting them in the car, how when im not outside, i let the suspenders from the snow pants hang behind me, how i still use my curved GS poles despite their being useless outside of a race course... these and just a million other little manerisms...
okay, so you dont care. oh well... MY BLOG.
and i REALLY cant remember the other part.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Thursday, December 23, 2004
The Plan.
i think that i need more things to do. take two people who essentially have the same problem. the one with more things to do wont notice it as much. that simple.
i really want to get my school schedual. i think it was evan who said this (i wonder if he still reads this? i wonder if he ever did?) but our lives more or less revolve around our school schedual. it decides whether i can go to karate, when i can work, what nights i can do homework, what days i can sleep in...
okay... once school starts ill have job (2 shifts a week), karate (3 times a week) and that homework stuff... im pretty sure i can cram something else in there... oh, and im supposed to keep going to see the chiro... but that'll only be once a week i think. i think i heard they'll be putting on a new play... maybe ill audition. or maybe ill join the BBM classes once i get my green belt... but that wont be for a while. (BBM classes are extra karate classes... it basically means instead of coming like 3 times a week you come 4/5 times or something like that) i would like to do that if my parents would pay for it... and chauffeur me around... OH! im supposed to start driving lessons as soon as i get my learners...whenever i make another appointment for the test...whenever i get my birth certificate in the mail... oh, and once and a while id like to go to the master's ski races on wednesday nights.
but, like i said, none of this can be planned until i get my schedual...
in other news... the x-mas spirit might be catching on a little in the cold bitter heart of mine...
who knew..
i really want to get my school schedual. i think it was evan who said this (i wonder if he still reads this? i wonder if he ever did?) but our lives more or less revolve around our school schedual. it decides whether i can go to karate, when i can work, what nights i can do homework, what days i can sleep in...
okay... once school starts ill have job (2 shifts a week), karate (3 times a week) and that homework stuff... im pretty sure i can cram something else in there... oh, and im supposed to keep going to see the chiro... but that'll only be once a week i think. i think i heard they'll be putting on a new play... maybe ill audition. or maybe ill join the BBM classes once i get my green belt... but that wont be for a while. (BBM classes are extra karate classes... it basically means instead of coming like 3 times a week you come 4/5 times or something like that) i would like to do that if my parents would pay for it... and chauffeur me around... OH! im supposed to start driving lessons as soon as i get my learners...whenever i make another appointment for the test...whenever i get my birth certificate in the mail... oh, and once and a while id like to go to the master's ski races on wednesday nights.
but, like i said, none of this can be planned until i get my schedual...
in other news... the x-mas spirit might be catching on a little in the cold bitter heart of mine...
who knew..
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
and now for this breaking news coverage...
im cold.
and my hair is curly. i dont know why it decided to be curly, it just is... maybe my aunt wasnt lying when she said it was last summer. anyways, my hair is curly as long at i let it dry straight, dont brush it and put the anti frizz stuff in.... so chances are, none of you will ever see my hair in such a state since i will never go through these preperations.
i dont want to paint! my grandparents gift looks like turd! gah! even grandparents dont want turd for christmas from their grandchildren! gah!
turd!!!! gah!!!!
and my hair is curly. i dont know why it decided to be curly, it just is... maybe my aunt wasnt lying when she said it was last summer. anyways, my hair is curly as long at i let it dry straight, dont brush it and put the anti frizz stuff in.... so chances are, none of you will ever see my hair in such a state since i will never go through these preperations.
i dont want to paint! my grandparents gift looks like turd! gah! even grandparents dont want turd for christmas from their grandchildren! gah!
turd!!!! gah!!!!
SUCCESS!
i have successfully tought myself to tie a tie via the wonderful world wide web.
isnt the information age grand?
isnt the information age grand?
of meditations
every year i get a little less romantic about my theories on life.
not to long ago, i used to think that there was a right anwser to every problem. that there was a "meant to be". i still find myself thinking this way when a friend has a problem and im striving to find THE words to make them feel better. its like their problems are a locked door and there is only one key. but im starting to figure out that maybe there isnt just one anwser. maybe there isnt one at all. or maybe in some situations there IS only one anwser. but life isnt black and white. i believe in right and wrong, although why im not sure. its something along the lines of treat others as i would want to be treated myself. anyways, im getting off the point. i used to think that there was a higher power, some sort of fate, and that we would only be happy if we followed the one plan. but thiking about that now, im pretty sure its a load of rubbish. im scientifically minded. i believe in the darwin theory. the only path is the one where we all survive. i believe humans are just really smart animals. my only problem with this theory is that if everything else in the world balances out, why dont why? why are we doing everything in our power to unbalance our world. this is probably one of the ONLY things that will make me question whether or not we a creatures of nature. where does life come from? well... i like to think its always been here. no energy is created, simply transformed. the only reason people have a problem with this is because our minds just cant fathom "forever". at least, mine cant. but to me, just because we cant understand it, doesnt mean its impossible. its just one of those dimensions of thought we have no experience in.
anyways, in day to day life, i forget about most of what, when i seriously think about it, i fundementaly believe in. i still catch myself thinking that there are black and white decisions out there, only one leading to happiness, others to doom. maybe all have the possibility to be great. maybe there is no such thing as a right choice, but simply our perpective on them. see... im still thinking in terms of right and wrong. the back of my mind is still thinking "i wonder which of these theories is right..." maybe they can all be. figure it out.
thats another thing. i think you can talk until you're blue in the face to someone but the only way they will come to REALLY realis and accept something is if they figure it out themselves. you can help the process but you cant force it. or maybe just i cant.... try it and let me know!
sometimes when im sitting alone i have a kind of... narration in the back of my head. its like im writing in here except its just words in my head. not even a voice really. just words. (i wonder if this is healthy (there is no right anwser!!)) anywayds, time is a big concept. this is something that has been a half formed thought in the back of my head for years. not once have i been successfully able to explain in. ill try now. you know when you're sitting somewhere, thinking, i cant wait until tomorrow. and at that point in time, tomorrow seems soooooo far away. and then the next thing you know, its the day after tomorrow. now all that time that seemed to go on forever 2 days before, is a tiny memory in the back of your mind. in fact. compared to the moment you are living right at this very instant, every other moment in your life is a vague memory. even 5 minutes ago. NOW is much more real. now imagine 40 years from now when... (quick math) 58 years of your life are a vague memory compared to the moment your body is occupying right at that very instant. every moment that seem so crucial in your life is now just some memory. now this is the part that i have a hard time explaining... its like... 40 years from now, and today, are right next to eachother. compared to the NOW everything else is... small. so small that they might as well not be there. in a way, 40 years from now is as close as tomorrow. the time between now and both of them right now, when you REALLY think about it, seems to stretch forever. so its like... tomorrow you wake up and you are still 18 or tomorrow you wake up and you are 58 but.. in your memory, the time is basically the same. short. because the moment that last the longest is the one you are in and the one that is constantly ending. this is the best ive ever have or tried to explain it.
now this begs the question.... why bother? i am both deeply disturbed and quite apathetic about this at the same time. for some reason, i DONT think we should all just off ourselves. if the now is the time that feels longest to you, then enjoy the now. i suppose this inculdes making sure the actions you make ensure you will be happy in the future as well. (or at least not immediatly unhappy). so while we are not here for some specific purpose, i think we are just here to live. plain and simple.
in other news.... chirstmas soon... uh... yay?
em= zero christmas spirit.
not to long ago, i used to think that there was a right anwser to every problem. that there was a "meant to be". i still find myself thinking this way when a friend has a problem and im striving to find THE words to make them feel better. its like their problems are a locked door and there is only one key. but im starting to figure out that maybe there isnt just one anwser. maybe there isnt one at all. or maybe in some situations there IS only one anwser. but life isnt black and white. i believe in right and wrong, although why im not sure. its something along the lines of treat others as i would want to be treated myself. anyways, im getting off the point. i used to think that there was a higher power, some sort of fate, and that we would only be happy if we followed the one plan. but thiking about that now, im pretty sure its a load of rubbish. im scientifically minded. i believe in the darwin theory. the only path is the one where we all survive. i believe humans are just really smart animals. my only problem with this theory is that if everything else in the world balances out, why dont why? why are we doing everything in our power to unbalance our world. this is probably one of the ONLY things that will make me question whether or not we a creatures of nature. where does life come from? well... i like to think its always been here. no energy is created, simply transformed. the only reason people have a problem with this is because our minds just cant fathom "forever". at least, mine cant. but to me, just because we cant understand it, doesnt mean its impossible. its just one of those dimensions of thought we have no experience in.
anyways, in day to day life, i forget about most of what, when i seriously think about it, i fundementaly believe in. i still catch myself thinking that there are black and white decisions out there, only one leading to happiness, others to doom. maybe all have the possibility to be great. maybe there is no such thing as a right choice, but simply our perpective on them. see... im still thinking in terms of right and wrong. the back of my mind is still thinking "i wonder which of these theories is right..." maybe they can all be. figure it out.
thats another thing. i think you can talk until you're blue in the face to someone but the only way they will come to REALLY realis and accept something is if they figure it out themselves. you can help the process but you cant force it. or maybe just i cant.... try it and let me know!
sometimes when im sitting alone i have a kind of... narration in the back of my head. its like im writing in here except its just words in my head. not even a voice really. just words. (i wonder if this is healthy (there is no right anwser!!)) anywayds, time is a big concept. this is something that has been a half formed thought in the back of my head for years. not once have i been successfully able to explain in. ill try now. you know when you're sitting somewhere, thinking, i cant wait until tomorrow. and at that point in time, tomorrow seems soooooo far away. and then the next thing you know, its the day after tomorrow. now all that time that seemed to go on forever 2 days before, is a tiny memory in the back of your mind. in fact. compared to the moment you are living right at this very instant, every other moment in your life is a vague memory. even 5 minutes ago. NOW is much more real. now imagine 40 years from now when... (quick math) 58 years of your life are a vague memory compared to the moment your body is occupying right at that very instant. every moment that seem so crucial in your life is now just some memory. now this is the part that i have a hard time explaining... its like... 40 years from now, and today, are right next to eachother. compared to the NOW everything else is... small. so small that they might as well not be there. in a way, 40 years from now is as close as tomorrow. the time between now and both of them right now, when you REALLY think about it, seems to stretch forever. so its like... tomorrow you wake up and you are still 18 or tomorrow you wake up and you are 58 but.. in your memory, the time is basically the same. short. because the moment that last the longest is the one you are in and the one that is constantly ending. this is the best ive ever have or tried to explain it.
now this begs the question.... why bother? i am both deeply disturbed and quite apathetic about this at the same time. for some reason, i DONT think we should all just off ourselves. if the now is the time that feels longest to you, then enjoy the now. i suppose this inculdes making sure the actions you make ensure you will be happy in the future as well. (or at least not immediatly unhappy). so while we are not here for some specific purpose, i think we are just here to live. plain and simple.
in other news.... chirstmas soon... uh... yay?
em= zero christmas spirit.
Monday, December 20, 2004
emily: one, Mother Nature: ZERO
i must say, i am quite proud of little old me. mother nature set the challenge and i met it.
as i set out into the (around) 30 below zero temperature, i was prepared. i had on no less than, starting from the bottom and working our way up, my winter boots (bought them too big about 5 years ago, never grew into them), a pair of socks (i should have gotten the big wool ones...), two pairs of pants (one of them being cozy jogging pants), a tank top, t-shirt, wool sweater, sweat-shirt, my winter jacket (with hood up), big thick skarf (sp?) (wound around the outside of the pulled up hood) and a hat i stole from my brother and am thinking of claiming as my own (seeing as how he lost mine).
so my toes got a little chilly (see numb. my winter boots suck), my legs also were a bit chilled, cheeks slightly frosted (as is also numb) and probable frostbite on my nose (its happened so often its hard to tell anymore)... but i think i did okay. or better than i would have had i not been so prepared.
anywho, im still wearing most of the aforementioned paraphanalia and considering its quite a bit warmer in my house than outside, im starting to overheat a little.
and so concludes my story.
join us next time on "emily vs the sands of Time."
(hint: she loses)
as i set out into the (around) 30 below zero temperature, i was prepared. i had on no less than, starting from the bottom and working our way up, my winter boots (bought them too big about 5 years ago, never grew into them), a pair of socks (i should have gotten the big wool ones...), two pairs of pants (one of them being cozy jogging pants), a tank top, t-shirt, wool sweater, sweat-shirt, my winter jacket (with hood up), big thick skarf (sp?) (wound around the outside of the pulled up hood) and a hat i stole from my brother and am thinking of claiming as my own (seeing as how he lost mine).
so my toes got a little chilly (see numb. my winter boots suck), my legs also were a bit chilled, cheeks slightly frosted (as is also numb) and probable frostbite on my nose (its happened so often its hard to tell anymore)... but i think i did okay. or better than i would have had i not been so prepared.
anywho, im still wearing most of the aforementioned paraphanalia and considering its quite a bit warmer in my house than outside, im starting to overheat a little.
and so concludes my story.
join us next time on "emily vs the sands of Time."
(hint: she loses)
Friday, December 17, 2004
its like this see...
i wrote a blog post last night. then i posted it. now it is nowhere to be found.
cool eh?
i have no idea what i wrote... something about combining 2 jobs and christmas taking up all my time...
speaking of which, i have to work tomorrow. at 9 am. at least i hope so. cafe complexe never called back again to confirm. so ill just go ahead anyways since... it seems like the best course of action. my brother was on the phone all night apparently. since when does my brother use the phone?? sigh.. one day he'll have more of a life than me, then what will we all come to!?!?!
i think i should go to bed
cool eh?
i have no idea what i wrote... something about combining 2 jobs and christmas taking up all my time...
speaking of which, i have to work tomorrow. at 9 am. at least i hope so. cafe complexe never called back again to confirm. so ill just go ahead anyways since... it seems like the best course of action. my brother was on the phone all night apparently. since when does my brother use the phone?? sigh.. one day he'll have more of a life than me, then what will we all come to!?!?!
i think i should go to bed
Thursday, December 09, 2004
welp... (glorious is the word of the day)
its three am. and this is my second time writing this post.
i had a project to finish. im not really satisfied but its not BAD. thats the story behind all my project this semester... i dont think there was any i was completly satisfied with. its my own fault too. if i gave myself more time, i wold be able to work until i got the bloody thing just how i wanted it, not the closest thing available within a time frame. oh the life lessons we learn. in my eyes, all my work look mediocre at best. im not trying to be modest or anything,, but i can just see all the little things that need to be different and all the things i utterly suck at. its quite frustrating.
friday is a big day. job interview (preparing for my glorious getaway) and montreal (visiting my glorious jacqui).
what should i wear? (something glorious!)
is glore a word?
i had a project to finish. im not really satisfied but its not BAD. thats the story behind all my project this semester... i dont think there was any i was completly satisfied with. its my own fault too. if i gave myself more time, i wold be able to work until i got the bloody thing just how i wanted it, not the closest thing available within a time frame. oh the life lessons we learn. in my eyes, all my work look mediocre at best. im not trying to be modest or anything,, but i can just see all the little things that need to be different and all the things i utterly suck at. its quite frustrating.
friday is a big day. job interview (preparing for my glorious getaway) and montreal (visiting my glorious jacqui).
what should i wear? (something glorious!)
is glore a word?
Monday, December 06, 2004
and now its time for a little something about emily...
my day was potentially made by a five minute phone call. no, it wasnt some boy asking me out on a romantic date, it wasnt an invite to a crazy party, i didnt win the lottery and didnt even hear about something awesome happenning to a friend. any of those things would have been very nice to hear, but that wasnt the case tonight.
it was a call from the owner of cafe complexe (a coffee shop in aylmer) inquiring as to whether or not i still wanted a job. its not for sure yet and i dont want to ge my hopes up (although i already have) but...
just think of what it would mean?
no more coming home greasy, no more hour long busride to and from work through the ghetto of aylmer, no more grumpy manager, no more annoying amanda, no more ontario minimum wage(quebec minimum wage is higher!), no more rideau center, no more retarded cinnabon uniform, no more retarded cinnabon policy and best of all...
no more cinnabon.
unfortunatly this would also mean i no longer get to work with jasmine. this REALLY blows but... im hoping she will save herself soon as well. god knows she deserves it.
but like i said... hot getting my hopes up... (ha.)
what else is there of note... hmmm... learn to fall (properly) in karate today, will be spending all of tomorrow painting, drinking orange juice now, looking forward to katerine's party (despite the fact that i took the wrong day off work...) and i think im finally comming to terms with being 100%, completly, no questions asked, unattached. not even a crush. okay, so i have a weakness for guys so... i have my eye on completly unrealistic options (so not options at all really). its not a crush.. just.. an interest. not even a serious one.
okay, im going to shut up now.
sigh.
it was a call from the owner of cafe complexe (a coffee shop in aylmer) inquiring as to whether or not i still wanted a job. its not for sure yet and i dont want to ge my hopes up (although i already have) but...
just think of what it would mean?
no more coming home greasy, no more hour long busride to and from work through the ghetto of aylmer, no more grumpy manager, no more annoying amanda, no more ontario minimum wage(quebec minimum wage is higher!), no more rideau center, no more retarded cinnabon uniform, no more retarded cinnabon policy and best of all...
no more cinnabon.
unfortunatly this would also mean i no longer get to work with jasmine. this REALLY blows but... im hoping she will save herself soon as well. god knows she deserves it.
but like i said... hot getting my hopes up... (ha.)
what else is there of note... hmmm... learn to fall (properly) in karate today, will be spending all of tomorrow painting, drinking orange juice now, looking forward to katerine's party (despite the fact that i took the wrong day off work...) and i think im finally comming to terms with being 100%, completly, no questions asked, unattached. not even a crush. okay, so i have a weakness for guys so... i have my eye on completly unrealistic options (so not options at all really). its not a crush.. just.. an interest. not even a serious one.
okay, im going to shut up now.
sigh.
Sunday, December 05, 2004
what a deal
my mom said she'd give me a ride to work so that she could make me some bacon.
i have no complaints.
i have no complaints.
of angsty stuff.
well. isnt this just great.
the only two things that were comforting me today on the 8 hours of work and the prospect of doing nothing more exciting than going home after, was the fact that i finished at 7 and wouldnt have to close and that i would be able to rent some sappy movie and slack off which i havent done in a while. of course, i got to do neither of those things. instead, i got home at 11:45 to an empty house. i suppose its my fault though...
lately people have just... not been showing up for work. on of them being some girl who just started and we figured this is just her irresponsible way of quiting and the other being our assistant manager (usually quite responsible) who has vanished of the face of the planet. wont anwser his phone or return any calls. just all of a sudden stopped comming in for his shifts a few days ago. im kind of worried... partly because im afraid something might be wrong, partly because he'll probably lose his job and as far as managers go, he was pretty cool and partly because amanda has her eye on his position and the hell if i want her to be assistant manager...
anyways, all this to say is that i was suckered into staying the extra two and a half hours, rounding my shift to a pleasant 10.5 hours of work. fun, no? i thought so... on the plus side, my manager payed for my lunch..
speaking of which... that soup and salad, along with the bagel i had for breakfast, are all ive eaten today. i should eat something more than these crackers but i just dont have the heart to make it.
so this is what it comes down to. staruday night. 10 hours of work. home at 11:45. nothing to do but complain on here. even my lame ass excuse for plans are ruined. no messages on the anwsering mashine. no emails. a note from my parents saying my brother is spending the night at a friend's and they "wont be home to late". nothing to make this day worthwhile really. feel free to ignore my feeling sorry for myself. you caring will only encourage it. heh. work again tomorrow. why dont i just quit? "when i get a new job" "before school starts" "before christmas" "after christmas"... its all a crock. bleh.
my parents just got home. my dad turned on the tv, sat down and promptly fell asleep. now i have to try and listen to music over the tv. music. yes. that. my parents brought back a cd. a friend of theirs has a son in a band. so they bought their cd. its actually not that bad... the guy's voice is a little iffy at times. others its pretty good.
Decitone. anyone hear of it?
well... off to read myself to sleep.
the only two things that were comforting me today on the 8 hours of work and the prospect of doing nothing more exciting than going home after, was the fact that i finished at 7 and wouldnt have to close and that i would be able to rent some sappy movie and slack off which i havent done in a while. of course, i got to do neither of those things. instead, i got home at 11:45 to an empty house. i suppose its my fault though...
lately people have just... not been showing up for work. on of them being some girl who just started and we figured this is just her irresponsible way of quiting and the other being our assistant manager (usually quite responsible) who has vanished of the face of the planet. wont anwser his phone or return any calls. just all of a sudden stopped comming in for his shifts a few days ago. im kind of worried... partly because im afraid something might be wrong, partly because he'll probably lose his job and as far as managers go, he was pretty cool and partly because amanda has her eye on his position and the hell if i want her to be assistant manager...
anyways, all this to say is that i was suckered into staying the extra two and a half hours, rounding my shift to a pleasant 10.5 hours of work. fun, no? i thought so... on the plus side, my manager payed for my lunch..
speaking of which... that soup and salad, along with the bagel i had for breakfast, are all ive eaten today. i should eat something more than these crackers but i just dont have the heart to make it.
so this is what it comes down to. staruday night. 10 hours of work. home at 11:45. nothing to do but complain on here. even my lame ass excuse for plans are ruined. no messages on the anwsering mashine. no emails. a note from my parents saying my brother is spending the night at a friend's and they "wont be home to late". nothing to make this day worthwhile really. feel free to ignore my feeling sorry for myself. you caring will only encourage it. heh. work again tomorrow. why dont i just quit? "when i get a new job" "before school starts" "before christmas" "after christmas"... its all a crock. bleh.
my parents just got home. my dad turned on the tv, sat down and promptly fell asleep. now i have to try and listen to music over the tv. music. yes. that. my parents brought back a cd. a friend of theirs has a son in a band. so they bought their cd. its actually not that bad... the guy's voice is a little iffy at times. others its pretty good.
Decitone. anyone hear of it?
well... off to read myself to sleep.
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