*streeeeeeeetch*

i went to visit my little cousin micheal in kingston today. he was sooooo cute and tiny. he'll be one month old tuesday. he's got chubby little cheeks and a double chin and little eyes and a little nose and everything is so SMALL. his whole hand can be wrapped around half my finger. it's hard to believe that one miniscule little finger will get to be normal sized. it's hard to believe he's going to get big at all. at this age, he doesnt do much... mostly just eat sleep poop... poop some more... he eats every four hours... can you imagine? no wonder they grow so fast at that age. my aunt and uncle have to get up like 3 times during the night to feed him. i think i'll just become the favorite aunt and bypass the whole baby thing...

i was sitting on the couch last night when i had the oddest realisation... the idea itself wasnt all that odd, but more the fact that i had never had it before. the idea of sleep. what is it? how can your consciousness just... go? where does it go? what makes it come back? why would it leave int he first place? why would it have to? it makes no sense. then it hit me how weird it was that this had never occured to me. alex was there, and he definatly thought i was odd for it never having occured to me before. i cant even remember why i thought of it. the mysterious ways of the mind...

on the way to kingston, i had planned on studying or at the very least, reading. i ended up sleeping basically the whole time. most of the way back to. but on the way back, i sat and stared out the window for a bit. it gave me a chance to think. i love car trips for that reason. i get to do some of my favorite me things, that is things that i enjoy doing on my own. stuff like... nap, read, listen to music or even just sit and think (although i usually do that with the music). so that's what i did for a bit on the way back. i was thinking about.... stuff. mostly about how i could switch from one relationship to another so fast. i know some people have judged me on that. heck, i would judge anyone else had they done it. well, i WOULD have. i wouldnt now. no one can understand how a person feels just by looking, so dont think you can. dont pretend to know how it was then pass judgement on it, as if it involved you (unless it did...). and no, it's not something i would recomend but nor is it something i regret. it just happened, and it wasnt planned. i dont know why i feel i have to explain myself to you people.... but i am anyways. i guess i dont want people getting the wrong idea, even though i doubt this would change their minds greatly. sigh... i'm considering erasing this last paragraph but i dont think i will. i dont even know who read this... i mean, the only people who might read this are the ones who already know all of this... who knows.

five fingers.... why five? i guess you could also ask, why not?