thought of this a few days ago....

i think i was washing my hands... well, thats what i was PHYSICALLY doing, obviously my mental state was elsewhere, when i came up with this... idea.

the idea that a person is the way they are because of the people they surround themselves with. what i mean is, every friend you have, mean something different to you, or bring you something different. or, at least thats the way i see it. you may call it a selfish view, but now really. giving to others brings you something as well. so if you have a big impact on somones life, this affects you too. all my friends help balance me out and make me the person i am. i've got one to party with, one to keep me honnest and straight, another to show me their is still good people out there, one to listen, one to talk, one to encourage and lift my self esteem... i might be a bit in saying one does one thing, they all do a bit of everything, but there is always the one that you would go to if you need whatever they are best at giving. you are one of those people too. it's a never ending circle of giving and receiving. the best friend is the one who basically does it all.

i paint a pretty picture, dont i?

if there is one thing that bothers me about people, it's inconsistency. when they claim one thing and do the exact opposite. one thing that bothers me about people's writing: beying vague in hopes they'll think you're being deep. you cant TRY to be deep, it just happen. or at least thats my thought on the matter... i must do both these things but i try not too... when i'm vague it's not really to be deep its usually because i dont want to talk about it specifically but i want it off my chest, however inderectly. like the one about oppening windows? yeah, i couldnt actually spell out what i was trying to say but i wanted to write about it anyways. the more vague things i write are usually for my own benefit. for all you people who dont have any means of expressing yourselves, youhave no idea how theraputic it is. almost never do i write because i feel i should. the few times where it starts out that way, i soon find something i want to talk about. i dont try and pretty up what i'm saying for others. i know half of what i write is crap, but i also know that i amused myself so much writing them, that it doesnt really matter. now all i have to do is go back and read what i wrote to put myself back in that frame of mind. i do it for the pure release of inside emotion... i cant imagine doing it purely for praise from others. it's too much like sensoring your actual emotions. see, i cant even explain what its like to vent on here.... the fact that people read it is just and added plus. sure some part of me wants people to like what they read, but i wont write it so they like it. it's more of a positive side effect.

i was always a fan of simple writing, which is probably why i write relatively simply. writing elaboratly and with big fancy words and mataphors takes to much effort for me and becomes a chore more than anything else.

see, this is one of those entries that is mostly for myself. you need one of those once and a while.

sigh... god bless slippers...

~em