things left unsaid and things that should have been left unsaid

why is it that when you wish you had spoken up, opened your heart, let things flow freely till there was no doubt in anyone's mind how you felt, why is it in those times you always are quiet?

why is it that whenever you wish you have said nothing and really only said something out of a sense of duty to that old myth that you feel better when you've talked about it, why is it that in these situations you open up against the best of your judgement?

the things left unsaid swirl around in your brain, rephrasing themselves, changing, getting more real and solid then phasing back into some smokey dream that seems so insubstantial that is no wonder you never said it out loud. but eventually it comes back to remind you of that missed oppertunity, it always does.
then you start to imagine not only what you could have said but how it could have been taken. now this is when the swirling thoughts become a veritable blizzard. possibilities brach out and multiply exponentially until you have lost all sense of the pheasible and all that you can phathom are odd fantasies or gross distortions. in the end you are left with a jumble of a mind and you wonder why oh why that thing, that ever so important thing that just had to be said and is causing such an upstir in your much much to active imagination could not have just come out. then you remember. and you smile, shake your head because you know, as much as you think that i should have come out, you know that it's better now. now it's more solid, more refined. maye it wont come out next time or the next but when it does, it'll be right, and all the swirls and ghosts thoughts in your mind will come out as one solid thing of such certainty that it can almost be touched.

whats done is done, you pick up, move on, learn. thats all there is to it.

this post was brought to you by the color purple. the color purple because it was the main mental image i had while writing out the whole thing. light lilac purple cloudy swirls... dont ask...


actually, i mean that, dont ask, i wrote it as it came to me and i dont really think it means anything. it's just some artistic bull.