I take it personally when my webcomics make shitty comics.

Everything in this next post is arguable. I only say this now so that I dont have to continually say "arguably this" or "arguably that", not in any sort of intense desire for argument on the subject. (not that I would mind, it's just not what I'm gunning for...)

Falling in love is both the best and worse thing to have emotionally happen to me in my life. Nothing has ever made me doubt myself on so many occasions, nothing has ever made me hate my own decisions, nothing has ever been so incessantly on the back of my mind for so long a time. At the exact same time, nothing has ever made me feel so good, nothing has ever made me feel so alive and nothing has ever made me feel so connected with the world.

But really... It's been how long now? 4-5 months? It feels about twice that... Why am I still bothered by this? Why am I still thinking the same thoughts and regretting the same things.... feelings I'm supposed to forget or, at the very least, attempt to ignore. Talking about it doesn't help anything except my self pity (which I think I'm pretty good at keeping in check in MOST situations..). The only plus is that it lets people know where I'm at so they can refrain on making comments that will just aggravate the situation.

So what am I doing here? I don't know. I almost want to not post this because this is part of my life that I don't normally "share". The word love makes me nervous. Actually, no. Nowadays it just makes me angry. THIS is where it gets me? Fuck that. Not interested. I just want to yell at him... GET OUT OF MY HEAD! Whats the point in not seeing him if he's still THERE. Can't I just forget you? GO AWAY.

Half the time I don't know if I'm remembering real things, a real person, or just an idealised person. Were things really that great or do I just like to think they were? Maybe absense really does make the heart grow fonder... RE: SELF DOUBT.

In the end, it had always been my policy to accept my decisions and move on. So it's harder than I had ever anticipated... I maintain that you can't go back.

I'll just have to be satisfied with yelling things at my own brain. (FUCK OFF!!!!)