As you can see, new template. It's green. Very green. Felt the need for something fresh.
Been doing alot of thinking lately. Can't say it's done me much good... I seem to be more irrational than ever (less rational than ever?). It's a strange thing when your head and your gut tell you two different things. Civil war within the body. No one wins, Emily loses. Grow up girl, grow up.
*insert segway(sp?) here*
I'll be honnest, some mornings I wake up and realise that I'm spending shitloads of my and my parents' money on learning how to do nothing. I go to school and draw. Or paint. Or etch conversations into telephone wire. What the bloody hell? Whats the point? How is this usefull in any way? Its on days like this that the art "scene" seems to me to be a pile of bullshit. A great big hoax where a bunch of people who dont want to work get together and try to make shit up so that they dont have to feel guilty about being useless members of society. And here I am, spending money to "learn" how to become nothing at all like a putz. What the hell is the point to art? Is there such a thing? If there is, am I an "artist" or just a girl who can paint decently?
Days when I wake up feeling like that usually end up pretty shitty. It's not fun realising your whole life is a scam and there's nothing you can do about it because it's all you know how to do. In fact it's probably one of the most terrifying things I can think of short of someone dying... Of course, not everyday is like that. If they were I don't think I'd ever get out of bed.
Some days I want nothing more than to paint for the rest of my life. On those days I can happily stare at a chair covered in fluorescent elastics, grinning like a fool, just because it's so fabulous. I'll gladdly stay at school until 2am covered in paint, exhausted, to spend my 20th hour on a painting that will probably be worth no more than 10% of my grade because it's just not quite right.
And some days... I just wake up, go to class, do a bit of homework and go to bed (rinse, repeat) because that's what I'm supposed to do. No more, no less. No thinking.
So that's it. I'm either wasting my life away, doing what I'm meant to do OR following some path like a tool.
It would comfort me to know that everyone goes through this... At least... I think it would...
Friday, November 17, 2006
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3 comments:
I feel the same wat a lot more than I'd like to admit...
And ha, that chair was made from a girl in my art x class. She's kind of annoying. Constantly saying she hates her stuff, trying to either give it away or sell it. Patrick has gotten annoyed with her multiple times and basically told her to shut up on several occaisons.
I think about that a lot, actually. I have a picture about where I'd be 20 years from now, and creating art doesn't really have a place in it. Of course, that picture involves being married with 1.5 children and a house with a white picket fence... so I'm not sure how that picture really represents what I want.
I also secretly hate people my age who try to have art talks in my class. Studying Art History does not mean someone is an artist. Everyone is so full of shit.
sounds a little like going to school in the hopes to save animals and an environment most of the world doesnt care about. pointless and useless. but dont worry emi everyone goes through it. everyone's gonna wonder if what their doing has a point or if they are just living the naive little dream of having a purposeful life. but i mean the point is what else would you do? you have to do what you love most, even if you only love it half the time. that half the time is very worth it i think.
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