and then, out of the blue...

... it became one of THOSE days.

I am not feeling so hot. I slept for about 8 hours last night, if not more. Yet I still managed to sleep in and miss my bus. And I still managed to be exhausted for the entire day. Ilya said I looked sick (I decided to ignore the implication that I looked like crap...) and maybe I am. I don't know why else I would be so tired.
It was just poor luck that today had to happen on my dreaded 4 hour spare day. luckily I only have about half an hour left. I'm not sure how I survived this long, I don't think I've ever wanted to just go home quite so much.

Last night I was in a terrible mood. I yelled at my brother for practically nothing, got frustrated over the fact that I was so irritated by everything and went to bed. It was about 9:30 at this point. I read for half an hour and fell asleep. I'm glad I found that book though, I read a bunch more of it today. It's been awhile since I read fantasy. I believe I may have missed it...

I think I've mentioned this before, but I don't have a specific favorite music, just prefered stuff for whatever mood I'm in. Right now, the Strokes are perfect. They always comfort me when I'm feeling down.

It's my birthday in less than two weeks. I'm trying not to let myself get too excited. Last year my birthday was a great source of dissapointment for me, particularly because I had made it a farely big deal in my head but when the day came no one seemed to share in my enthousiasme. Not that I was ignored, far from it... I think I just had made myself unrealistic expectations. So far, this year, I want 3 simple things to happen. Minimum. I want to go out someplace nice for dinner (I am becoming an increasingly snobby eater) with my immediate family on the day of my birthday, I want Alex to take me out for a beer someplace on the market (I'm serious, you!) and I want to see all my friends when they visit on thanksgiving (which, incidentaly, is the weekend after my birthday). This is the bare minimum. I will not compramise on these three things. Anything else can or can not happen as they will...

I want to do something tonight so that I don't stay home and feel sorry for myself (part of my new proactive, no dwelling, problem solving approach on life. ha. yeah right.) but at the same time I am tired and therefore I don't know if I SHOULD go out. Bah. I guess I'll figure it out after karate...

Hmm... Ive been wanting to write about something else for a while... But I'd rather leave it for a post on it's own.