I am le tired.

I feel the need to talk.

Correction: I feel the need to complain.

Has anyone ever noticed that when you're in a bad mood you take it out on the people you care about the most? At least I do... Most people I'm able to put up a brave front to and smile but for the few people I'm closest to I get snappy, grumpy and basically just bitchy. so... I guess if Im bitchy around you... take it as a compliment?

I feel very drained. The past week or so has left me feeling very empty. I don't feel like a good person, I don't feel inspired by aanything, I don't feel funny,I don't feel responsible, I don't feel brave, I don't feel talented... In fact I don't feel much at all other than mild irritation about not feeling (if that makes any sense at all...). It's as though I don't have energy for emotional outbreaks.

It's entirely possible that I'm just tired. Lack of sleep, stress and frustration have turned me pretty unsocial. I could have done a few things tonight but I opted to go home, call viki and eat some grilled cheese in sweatpants. and I don't regret it.

My school work has taken a turn for the worse. My self portrait is probably the ugliest thing I have done this year. I couldnt hand in my poster on time despite it being done with time to spare and my project for philosophy hasnt been handed in yet for absolutly no other reason than I just haven't gotten around to doing it.
Oh and I have an exam on monday that I haven't studied for.

Did I mention that I'm working 43 hours this week?

And that Emma is leaving for three weeks?

And that I've only done about half of my christmas shopping and Im running out of time (re: working 43 hours this week)?

The funniest thing about all of this is that I don't feel sad or depressed or any of that junk... I just feel empty really. The more I write the more I think this all has to do with the lack of sleep. I dont think I've slept for more than 6 hours a night for the past 4 or 5 nights. most nights it was less actually.

I told Viki this the other day and now I'll tell you. I've come to associate the thought of me moving out with me chopping of all my hair late one night in front of a mirror in my new bathroom. For some reason, this makes the thought of moving out all the more appealing.



Guys... what if once im all on my own, I realise that I suck at living?

what then?