My Stomach Has Something to Say.

Tomorrow will be my first day back at school. I am both looking forward to it and am slightly concerned. For the past week I have accomplished absolutely nothing (other than reading which I guess is something) and have rarely left the house. Since I finished school I have not picked up a single drawing or painting tool and what's worse is that I haven't wanted to. I'm hopeful that my return to school will kick start my productivity but I'm also worried that it won't. In fact, I'm REALLY worried that I'm slowly losing interest in doing what I thought was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I am terrified that I am slowly realizing that what I previously fondly called my "bullshit degree" (with self-deprecating good humor) is becoming not quite so fond-feeling-inducing.... (yeah, I totally make sense).


Basically I'm afraid that all along I was a directionless fuck-up just waiting until the art novelty wore off.

But also... and I'm almost afraid of saying this out loud in case I might jinx it... The classes I've been most looking forward to are academic and have little or nothing to do with my major. Next year, once I realize that I'm in my final year of my BFA (and we all know what that stands for) I am going to have a major crisis. The Who Am I? What Am I Doing? Where Am I Going? kind of deal. Right now I just keep convincing myself that I time to figure it out.