my tummy's a rumblin'

tyler responded to my last post about dreams in her blog. unfortunatly, i was kinda going for the opposite.

i had a terrible dream (so i guess you'd call it a nightmare) and was feeling thouroughly freaked out, disgusted and just generally depressed about it. i could tell myself that the actual FACTS didnt happen, but the general feeling was still there. i suppose i could pull out some metaphorical crap about how that represents life or relationships or whatever if i was feeling particularly inspired but im not. ha.


sometimes you get to the point where you wonder why you hang out with a certain friend. but then comes a day where they can completly transfore the mood your in by simply being them. of course the same person can always change your mood for the worse but the trick is to find someone who does it positively more often than negatively.

ugh.is it a bad sign when you go to bed because you just dont feel like being awake? heh, thats sounds so emo and drama-queen ish.

thats me, the emo drama-queen

the irony of this statement is that just yesterday i was thinking about how i internalize my emotions. i generally dont show when im nervous. inside im a nervous wreck, but unless i consciously decide to show my dervousness... anyways, the reason i thought of this is because the other day i was driving down notch road with my mom (or rather, she was driving) at night. my mother hates driving at night because she says she has bad vision in the dark. now she was driving kind of fast and i was starting to wonder just HOW bad her vision was. i guess i was starting to get a little nervous. i noticed though that my hands werent clenched on the bottle in my hands, nor was i sitting up straight and starting at every jolt. i was slouched and slack as usual... i really didnt get it. at one point i almost convinced myself that we were going to run into a tree. but even at the last minute, i didnt say anything. so i got to thinking... if i WAS to get in a car crash, would i yell out at the last second? or would i just stare at the tree until i came crashing into it. how good would i be in a crisis situation? im not so sure. maybe the lack of emotion is more just me freezing up and not bein able to react with the situation around me. i can only remember a handful of occasions where i yelled out in real anger. and most of those times was because i felt the person need to know how i felt and not because i actually needed to yell. you guys wont care about this, but my riding teacher old me i was the only person asides from herself who could ride a specific horse in her barn. im by far not the best rider and i wont fool myself into thinking i am. it just that this horse is extremely high strung and tenses up when you do. half the trick to riding her is knowing how to keep her from freaking out and cantering away with you. i guess maybe thats why i can ride her... even though i may be freaked out that this horse is going WAY too fast, she cant physically feel it so SHE doesnt think there is something to be afraid of (to which the proper response would be run like the wind). anyways, this had nothing to do with anything and im sorry for wasting your time on it.

i guess sam spoke too soon when he said my blog was getting funnier and more interesting...