things to say...

well... um... that was... different?

i was considering just not having a party for my 18th and after last night, im pretty much convinced not to.

another thing is, if you cant control your drinking, dont drink. and if someone is already drunk, dont shove a beer in her hands and start yelling "CHUG CHUG" because chances are, they dont know that they have had enough. actually, if when you start drinking, you repeat to yourself that you will not go past that point of "having fun" and go into that point of "not knowing how to stand", youre much less likely to go that far. its one thing if drinking yourself silly just meant you passed out in some out of the way place but thats not the case. people have to take care of you and pick up the mess your throwing up self made. not to mention make sure you dont die of FUCKING ALCOHOL POISONING!!!

another thing is, sometimes you want to help. but sometimes you have to realise that your presence is NOT necessarily needed, especially if you're drunk no matter how "okay" you think you are. you leaving graciously is one less thing to worry about, we dont need the swearing and the indignation. also, standing in the doorway, oggling and asking "is she okay?" is NOT helping. its being annoying. hmm, remind me to thank that red head girl whos name i dont remember and who i didnt really like. she was very good last night. but enough of that...



all i wanted for my cousins birthday was for her to have fun. and i know that didnt happen... i cant even start to say how bad i feel about that. if there was ever a person who deserved a night to let loose and not have a care in the world its her. the fates were not kind... have you ever wanted to help someone so baddly, just make them look at you and realise that things will be okay, that is almost hurt? i wish people in the world werent so stupid and knew when to back off. i wish i knew the anwser that would make things better. is it better to stay or to go? most of the time i dont know... i just wish things could have gone differently, alot differently. maybe tonight can make up for it.

on the plus side, i now know what to do if i suspect someone has alcohol poisoning...heh ... yeah, i know... thats a shitty plus side...