"thats no fun, eh?"

my dad's words of sympathy upon hearing i was ill today. we arent big on the whole "feelings" bit in my family. it works for us.


so.

i decided to step up. im not going to do the whole self pity thing anymore. or at least, i dont want to and will try my darndest not to. im going to rely on me for support. when it comes right down to it, you are the person you spend the most time with so you'd better be able to lean on you. im not going to go around life with the starry eyes, looking for something i wont find. life is spectacular for the little things, not the romantic junk they spew out at you in hollywood, not for that "one" love that will make or break you for the rest of your days. uh huh... nah... not for me. i dress for me, i act for me and i eat for me. of course, most of tose last statements are lies. but... i dont want to change so another person will think better of me. okay... im trailing off...

point is, im fine alone. i want to be self-sufficient. friends are good. you need friends. what you dont need is to be mooning after that ever elusive relationship-thing. dont need it.


i prefer to think of it not so much as alone, as independent.