funny thing this life business is...

if it wasnt so sad, it would almost be funny.
what is it about cegep that has the power to utterly depress everyone involved. all at once we've become unmotivated lost souls. for the few that arent lost, i envy you enormesly. when you have a dream, you can forget everything else and just focus closely on the one thing thats keeping you going. once you lose that ambition, the reason your working so hard, you start to wonder... whats the point? even if i find some other dream, then ill probably get tired of that one too. you get up early every day and go to classes you dont enjoy, that you dont see yourself even using later on in life. then you go home. there youre supposed to do homework or study for these classes. but you dont, because you hate the work almost as much as ytou hate the class. the class you can sit through, let wash over you, take notes. once you get to the homework, youre forced to see how utterly retarded it all is. well, this is me personally. i cannot do homework at home. i remember a time where i could sit down on my own, away from distractions and get my homework done. i cant do that anymore. i usuallly dont last longer than 5 minutes before i get stuck. its usually not even something big. just something i need to have explained to me better than what my notes or my textbook can give me. and then i just give up. and its scary to see how easy it is for me to give up now. then i feel stupid. and the next day i get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me im behind. i have stuff to do and i cant do it. except thats not even happening anymore. i keep telling myself to get back together but i find that it gets harder because i dont care. i think it doesnt help that ive basically resolved that one way or another, i wont be in sciences. so... im VERY unmotivated now.

it's funny. i hear about all these other people just losing it and it just gets me down even more. it gives me little hope. i just wish i could see a person loving their program AND struggling through it. im not sure that its a confort to most people that their are others out there feeling the same type of loss of hope. all i can say is that eventually we will all find our way. it may lead us to a place we never even considered but it'll get us there. how? i dont know. if i knew, i wouldnt feel so fucked.

when you feel down, just think of the people who love you and who would care so much if something happened to you. as alone as you may feel, you arent. you never are. god is with you. im sorry, i couldnt resist. i realised how corny this was getting and it just had to be stopped. but my point is that life can at times suck major ass. you just have to keep on fighting. every problem has some sort of solution, whatever it may be. it might take a while to get to, but i have to believe that anyone can get to it if they try hard enough.




this sickeningly insperational message (or a cheap imitation of one) brought to you by emily