trapped

i want to run so baddly.

im stuck here, but i dont want to be. any minute now my mother is going to tell me to get off the computer and do stuff and i wont be able to, and i wount be able to tell her why. i dont want to be here.
i dont want to go back to school,
i dont want to hear any of this,
i dont want to go back to work,
i dont want to have to explain, to work things out,
i dont want to agonise over fixing things
but i have to.

ive realised that all this time where ive been obsessing about fixing people, im really just making things worse.

i break things and i think i should leave to where i cant touch anything.

im trapped. no matter what i do, i hurt someone. i cant stand it, i need to get somewhere where i cant hurt people. i dont even try to and i do. no matter what i do, in the end, i wreck it.

i smell bad and all i want to do is take a hot shower and i cant even do that.