i gots the plan

i figure, if i stick around with the boring old blogger template long enough, everyone else will have fancied up theirs so that will make mine original again.

either way im too lazy too care.

i wish all people would stop and think before they talked. this includes me. i mean, before you judge someone, stop and think, do they really deserve this? and even if you still think they do, chances are you dont know dick all. i wish i had the life i used to call complicated back. it seems so much easier in retrospect. but what can you say, hindsight is 20-20.

ive never failed a class in my entire life. ive come close but i usually manage to scrape up enough marks through homework to make up for abismal test scores.. its kind of depressing to think that chances are, i will be failing one or more courses this semester. i know ive said this before, but this is a whole new level of messed up. out of 4 chemistry labs ive handed in 1. ive started the other 3 but i never seem to be able to finish them. and then other stuff comes along that needs to be worked on so it just keeps getting pushed back and back until all of a sudden i have 2 labs that i need to find someone to help me with and next thing i know i have 3. i just wish i knew a way to fix it, to make it all okay. but i dont know how.... the more i think of it, the more i cant help but think that its my fault for not doing it in the first plave and that i dont deserve for my teachers to take pity on me and finding a way for me to make up for it. then at the same time i cant help but feel like if i had to do it all over again, i dont know what i would do different because im just so lost.

and now i feel pathetic for trying to make people feel sympathetic for me being such a big failure. or maybe i just dont want people i care about looking down on me... i keep telling myself ill manage, and i know i will, i just wish "managing" wasnt so fucking retardedly hard.

people, i dont know how bad your life is and if you tell me its bad, ill believe you. i wont even turn it into a contest and say mine is worse (even if a part of my brain is screaming that these people dont know the meaning of complicated. i know i dont know their lives just like they dont know mine. so were even). all i can really offer is a sympathetic "i hear ya.." and perhaps a hug. hug arent so bad...

i need to run or hit something or do something that involves both....
yeah, both sounds good...