i thought my internet was broken but then it wasnt...

guys, i have a confession to make.... i read all 50-some Animorph books ever written including spin-offs. between my brother and i, we are own most of these as well.

there, i said it. it is no longer a dark secret to be hidden from the world.

in other news...


this is a blog directly from me, to you. yes, you. have you ever doubted yourself as a person? just looked at everyone around you and think there MUST be something wrong with you, you're missing something essential. i have. and everytime i do, it just makes me very sad. ill tell you what im missing. feeling. i see everyone around me just... FEEL things so strongly and when i think back at all my strongest feelings they are all kind of muffled. i care but i dont at the same time. in the end i feel heartless, like less of a caring person. the reason this makes me sad is that i feel like im missing out on something, on this incredible life in everyone. actually, now that i think of it... it isnt everything thats like this. because events touch me and my convictions touch me. its people. they dont inspire me like they inspire you, you person you. i dont expect you to understand, i barely understand it myself.

i mentioned my convictions... now theres something i have a hard time going against. something i care about. i hate it when people try and change my convictions because it is trying to break my nature. i have this sense of... well... as ridiculous as it sounds, honor. lately you have been advocates of doing things for yourself because in the end of things, thats what matters most. i dont know how much i dissagree or agree with that but it seems that this policy seems to encourage going against what i believe is right. call me old fashioned of corny or just naive to belive that their is something to be said about doing what you believe is right, but i cant change the way i feel. i dont say this because i want to feel better about myself or because i want you to think im a better person but more because i feel its the only right thing TO do. there is no point in doing it the other way because it does no one any good. its simple things to... like why will i stop and pick up something i knocked over in a store. well... because i can. i knock it over i pick it up. like why i wont stuff my garbage in the crack beside the seat in the bus. why do people do this? they seem to think it preferable to actually throwing it on the ground. its like they are trying to hide the fact that they are being slobs. why not just declare oppenly to the world that you are selfish and just chuck your junk on the ground? i mean, in the end, its the same result. someone has to go around and pick it up. whenever i make the trip to the front to throw out my garbage, the bus driver always thanks me. you know WHY the busdriver take the time to do that? because is a PAIN IN THE ASS to go around and pick up your shit that you have so carefully stuffed into a crack of the seat or the window or whatever. there i said it.

heh... im talk to sean online... i cant remember the last time i did that... cool.