last one today, i SWEAR!

i was writing up some stuff for english and some of it was creative work, which i hadnt really done since grade 11. it was refreshing. i thought id share some of it with you. the first had to represent a sense of a deepest fear or nightmare. the next two had to be poems representing Anger and contentment wihtout actually using those words. the poems suck major ass (i could never write a poem to save my life) but the other one isnt too bad i think...

Nightmare.

In my nightmare I am alone. In my nightmare it is dark. I open my eyes and I see nothing. I spread my arms and I feel nothing. I take a breath but I feel nothing. I try to stand but there is nothing to stand with, nothing to stand on. There is simply nothing. The sound of nothing weights down on me and my starved mind creates a fantasy of sounds to fill the void, each more horrible than the last. Every time I think I can pinpoint the essence of the pain it causes me, whether it is the sound is too high or too low, it changes to a whole new sound that I cannot even understand. It is a sound so it has no shape, no size. You can’t fight it away. But as I sit there in the nothingness somehow the sound crushes me and the body I thought I didn’t have comes alive with tension as it strains against this solid force. And the strain of this fight gives this body of mine a new name. I call it pain. My body is no longer a thing, it is a feeling. However, my mind is still there. I don’t know how but I can hear it behind the horrible crushing sound of silence. It is doing what it does best; trying to rationalize. But it can’t. You cannot rationalize something you don’t understand, whether it be your own creation. I don’t understand how this sound of nothing is tearing me apart so slowly. I can feel every fiber of my body slowly, one by one, being detached from its adjoining fiber. I a being ripped apart thread by thread and each thread introduces a whole new dimension of pain to the previous. I want to fight, every instinct in my body screams to me to do something, anything, if only to stop for one moment. One moment so that this body could remember what it is like to not be pain. But you can’t fight something you don’t understand. You can’t stop something you’ve created. I am being destroyed by my own inability to destroy my mind’s creation. The only problem is, I’m not. I’m not being destroyed. I am lying in bed, sleeping soundly and I know this. But in my nightmare, all there is is pain. There is no real body so there is no death. I am not slowly being destroyed since there cannot be destruction. In my nightmare, there is nothing to distract me from an eternity of pain. It doesn’t matter that I am not there for an eternity. If my mind is capable of creating a sound that can destroy me by its sheer inexplicability, if can create a sense of eternity in an instant. It does not matter that I did not live eternity, my mind created it for me in my own little hell. In my nightmare all there is is pain.

Rage/Anger

What is this feeling I have?
Why do I tremble so?
Why is it every time I gaze upon your face,
My muscles tighten and clench?
Why does your presence incite in me
The desire to scream until no sound
Will emerge from my throat any longer?
Why is it that when you appear my mind,
Previously as calm as can be,
Stirs into such an uproar of emotion?
Why do I no longer feel the restraints
Of common decency when you appear before me?
Why must the thought of you and your deeds
Cause me to pace and fidget,
Until rest can no be found?

Why must you cause this feeling in me,
This feeling I am so helpless against?


Contentment.

I don’t want to move.
Why should I move?
This peace of mind
Comes so rarely,
That I would be a fool
To throw it away.

This warmth, it bathes me.
It washes away my sorrows,
My worries.
It heats me to my core,
Strengthens my weakened resolves.

So why would I want
To move?
From this place
Inside my head
Where it is so warm.


you know, i dont even mind the last poem so much.. it isnt very good but it represents what contentment is really well in my mind. the one on anger is just plain bad. i guess im just not a very angry person...


oh well, off to bed then